Sexual Assault Anyone else with this trigger?

GreySouled

New Here
Last week my 5yo let out this guttural scream because she was angry with me for getting rid of her food she didn't want. As soon as she started screaming, I felt intense vaginal pain. I told my T about it last session, brushed it off as "maybe it's nothing". She said it's definitely not nothing...

There is so much I don't remember about the CSA, so I don't know if at some point, maybe the first time, I screamed or cried or something.

Wondering if anyone else has/had this trigger and if so, how do you deal with it? Children scream.
 

grief

Sponsor
Wondering if anyone else has/had this trigger and if so, how do you deal with it? Children scream.
yes. this was one of my biggest and hardest triggers when my kid was a toddler.

and she knew that and she would actually do it on purpose. because that's what kids do. she wanted something. and she wasn't old enough to understand that what she was doing was causing real harm. she just wanted the thing that she wanted. it got to the point that i had to put her in her room and literally leave the area. or put headphones on and drown it out with music.

because it was not safe for me to keep being there. when i met my husband that all got much easier. because he could handle it and being with him. helped me handle it better.

at first i couldn't deal with it at all (for me this was less about what i did and because it reminded me of other children screaming in pain. but it may have been because i screamed too. i don't know.) but it was really. really difficult. almost imposseble. but having someone around who gets it. and understands what is happening. is incredebly valueble. it's the difference between swimming in the ocean until you drown and having a life jacket.

and in the end i had to just buck up and deal with it. because she's my kid and i can't just leave her alone whenever she's upset. that would be bad. so i just dealt with it. i probably dissoceated a lot. unfortunetely i do not really know of any advise that could make this stop hurting you. because it probably won't stop hurting you. it might! you could get use to it as time goes on. for me, i did not really get used to it. i just coped.

but you will get through it. and it won't last forever. you'll be okay.
 
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