• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Anyone ever had an irrational weakness/fear reaction to help?

Status
Not open for further replies.
The rare times I need to ask for some form of practical(non-emotional- an item, a loan, a favor) help from loved ones or friends, I get like a double reaction...Gratefulness, love, appreciation, of course...but then also, dread and this kind of weakness, like fear. If I have to ask for help, and I am granted that help, I feel all the good things, I'm thankful and appreciative...and then for about half-day my brain gets practically in full-on crisis mode, with feeling hyper and afraid and full of adrenaline or so weak I can't get out of bed. Or both. And there's lots of crying too...

I think I know where it comes from, maybe, related to my trauma, but...But that hasn't made the feeling disappear.

In ideal world I'll never need help from anyone and no one will need mine. But we don't live in ideal world and I don't want to have breakdown any time I need to ask a favor. Btw, my reaction is the same whether it's about a small favor or a big one. I could be asking a friend to borrow makeup, and I can still react that way...Will this fade over time the more I experience life, like exposure therapy, or what can I do about it?
 
It's an albatross to even ask. :(
Yeah, I know...I mean I don't know that expression:D. But honestly, it took me at least 5 years to get to a point where I can ask- and I still mostly do it if I'm out of other solutions and close to desperate.

No words of wisdom --- I have the same issue. :( But you're not alone in that!
Thanks. It's still something knowing it's not just me.
 
It's an albatross to even ask.
I have a pet albatross, too! Actually, it bred and I have a whole litter! :D

I feel all the good things, I'm thankful and appreciative...and then for about half-day my brain gets practically in full-on crisis mode, with feeling hyper and afraid and full of adrenaline or so weak I can't get out of bed.

You describe exactly how I react, except for staying in bed. With the best of intentions and the biggest of hearts, I will extend myself to someone and then immediately go into a panic and sense of dread. The same thing happens if I ask for help or someone comes to the house to help me with a chore. I see it, for me, as a fear response of the unknown and instant exhaustion for the mental energy it will take to cope through the whole thing. This has always been a perpetual struggle...but it is who I am and I make the best of it...overlooking it where I can and then simply rolling with it when it seems to be too much. Yep! It is an albatross!:wacky:
 
As a general rule, I don’t ask for help if I need it, only if I want it.

Which is a useful tool for me to know. Because needs & wants are very different things. And it throws the doors wide open on asking for help... if I want it, instead of need it.

Ditto... if I only want help? It doesn’t matter what their answer is. Yes/Maybe/Compromise/No makes no difference. Which falls into another rule set of mine “Don’t ask a question, unless I’m okay with the answer.” If I don’t want to know? If I’m not okay with the possible answers? I don’t ask.

ETA - Just to be clear, I’m not super healthy about asking for help / this isn’t a recommendation on what to do. It’s just that since I know I flat out refuse to ask for help if I need it (although I will demand/order/force, that’s a different thing), and I tend towards black and white thinking... because I know those things about me.... I can work around them.
 
Last edited:
I spoke to my supervisors about taking a break from my PhD. One of them is an absent minded Prof but one of them is a Psychologist. Although not clinical he really really got it when I explained the last 2.5 years of struggles. He pointed out why I might be dealing with work better (very task oriented) rather than the complexities of writing a thesis. He got it better than I did. They were both really supportive. I went home utterly exhausted and spent half the night crying and crying. It was so irrational I gave up wondering lol.
 
@SeekingAfrica I'm sorry, I probably didn't use the term quite correctly but it means...
Haha...thanks for explaining! Well, I'm fluent, but I am not a native speaker, so I'll be learning new things all my life:). It's a good thing.

They were both really supportive. I went home utterly exhausted and spent half the night crying and crying. It was so irrational I gave up wondering lol.
That is exactly the reactions I have. I just had a friend agree to help with a situation I'm having currently. She was supportive and nice. I felt relief and now my head is spinning and I'm so exhausted and I have no idea how to start my day...and yes, usually there is crying too.
This month I'll need to get different help from different sources a lot, I'm having a life situation that I need to manage. And unfortunately, I just need the help. And it will need to be from few sources, because there's a lot going on. But that honestly blows my mind. Getting so much help makes me feel almost in shock like I don't know what to do with myself and I can't believe friends are actually helping through this. I would help people in heartbeat when I can, and I have in the past, but when someone is helping me it's always doing something to me...But I guess I'll have to get a hang of it.
 
.I don't have trouble giving help but I feel guilty/ bad if I don't.

I feel great relief if I receive it, but it's horrible to try to ask. So mostly I don't unless desparate (and even then not), or if I trust the person implicitly (rare). Even small(er) requests are well outside my comfort zone. Actually not even 'comfort' zone but capable of handling/ accomplishing zone. The supposition I have a right to ask is absent (even though they have a right to say no or ignore).

So I guess I have an irrational level of fear to ask for help.
 
Last edited:
Yup, me too, though for me I don't believe it's irrational, but rather, flashback stuff.
Me asking for help meant I was vulnerable and, as such, a target for further attack.
If I asked for help and someone said, "no", it was usually followed-up with accusations that I was lazy or that I was impudent for asking.
If I asked for help and someone said, "yes", it usually involved them completely taking over the project, saying I was incapable of understanding what they were doing and complaining how I interrupted them. When I said, "If you don't want to help, don't do it." They'd say, "No, it's okay." all the while glaring at me, holding me responsible for the torment they were putting themselves through. Later, when they wanted something from me, they'd claim they were entitled to my help because they had "helped" me.
All relationships then were transactional. It's only recently that I've started to discover that I could be loved unconditionally. When anyone extends a kindness toward me, I still find myself bracing for the unspoken strings that were attached which, in years past, was sure to follow.
It's helpful to me to know I'm not alone.
Thanks for reading.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top