I think I am starting to experience integration. The lines between my parts are starting to get blurry. One of my parts, A, is now the same person as “me” in day-to-day life. We think as one person almost 24/7 now and I’ve accepted her traits and beliefs as my own. This has eliminated some of the traits and beliefs that I formerly thought of as “me”, which scares me. I also have wildly different plans and aspirations for my life since this has happened. I’m now discontent with many things in my life, but I’m scared to change anything or commit to anything right now because I doubt that this is the end of the personality changes.
All of this is scary. I feel like a different person. I don’t think the same way about hardly anything, including the people I love. I feel more alive and present, but at what cost? I feel like the Me I’ve been used to for years is dead, or now just another part. She was sort of a depressed empty shell, with 80% of her personality repressed, but I don’t like change. Even good change.
I do have a fear that the former Me was overthrown by A and now A is the one in charge. She has sabotaged me many times in the past. Right now it feels super hard for me to access some of my old traits that A is not so good at, like rational thinking and empathy.
Has anyone else experienced integration? What was it like? How did you cope with this feeling of having no stable foundation within yourself, no true identity? I have no idea who I am right now.
All of this is scary. I feel like a different person. I don’t think the same way about hardly anything, including the people I love. I feel more alive and present, but at what cost? I feel like the Me I’ve been used to for years is dead, or now just another part. She was sort of a depressed empty shell, with 80% of her personality repressed, but I don’t like change. Even good change.
I do have a fear that the former Me was overthrown by A and now A is the one in charge. She has sabotaged me many times in the past. Right now it feels super hard for me to access some of my old traits that A is not so good at, like rational thinking and empathy.
Has anyone else experienced integration? What was it like? How did you cope with this feeling of having no stable foundation within yourself, no true identity? I have no idea who I am right now.