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Anyone felt this and if so, how did you deal with it?

Discussion in 'Military & Emergency Services' started by Peaceful Warrior, Mar 31, 2018.

  1. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    Hi. I was diagnosed with PTS 15 months ago and had to medically retire in August of 17 from a 22yr law enforcement career. Since then, I've been doing the best I can. Going to therapy and trying to keep a positive outlook. I get tired really easy and I'm not able to do a whole lot. I'm a very goal oriented person, so this is a huge change for me. Im still trying to find my way in this new life, but don't feel I'm making a lot of progress. It's feels like I'm floundering instead of moving forward. I've tried mild exercise goals and establishing routines for my day, but these don't seem to last very long. It feels like I'm a new person living in the same body because I was very self disciplined before and was a "get it done" type person. Now I feel that person is no longer around. Has anyone felt like this or can they give me any advice? Thank you.
     
    Freida, Elmez, Zoogal and 1 other person like this.
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  3. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

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    If I don’t have a purpose? I’m f*cked.

    I can’t busywork goals and routines into my life. Believe me, I’ve tried. They need a reason to be there.
     
    LuckiLee, Zoogal and Peaceful Warrior like this.
  4. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    Very well put.
     
  5. Hopeforlife

    Hopeforlife Active Member

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    Welcome @Peaceful Warrior! I’m sorry you are having a tough time of it. The transition is pretty difficult. I have been diagnosed officially with PTSD for 16 years. My first bad lapse was when I was 18 and I seemed to drag myself out of it for a number of years and manage my symptoms pretty well. Since then I have functioned well and I am now in a responsible position work wise. My PTS symptoms have heightened the last year or so and I really have struggled with trying to maintain work/family life. Like you I am normally a ‘get it done’ sort of person but have really had to take a step back and realise I can not do everything and my health is more important not just for me but my family. I have just started to accept this and do what I can. I now work a lot on self care and don’t feel guilty if I leave work early and go to yoga, therapy, the gym all these little things help ground me and keep me stable. Take care and don’t expect too much of yourself. It’s frustrating but it will only add to the anxiety of not being able to do so much.
     
    Elmez likes this.
  6. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    Acceptance is a big part of the puzzle I'm sure. Just feeling lost is new to me.
     
    Hopeforlife likes this.
  7. Elmez

    Elmez New Member

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    Like @Peaceful Warrior , acceptance of these changes is extremely difficult. Nicely explained @Hopeforlife on self care! Not being able to operate on overdrive any more is disheartening and depressing. The seemingly simple self care things feel arduous tasks.
     
    Freida likes this.
  8. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    Amen. Professionals sometimes are quick to label the fatigue as depression. I recently spoke with a trauma expert on the phone and she confirmed the mind, body and spirit/ soul are all related and the trauma and stress can wear the body out. I wish I had been given the tools to deal with the toxicity of the profession before or early in my career.
     
    Elmez, LuckiLee, Freida and 2 others like this.
  9. CdnCopper

    CdnCopper Active Member

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    Agree with you on that one brother. The job gave me zero tools and dick all when it came to supports. Gave 35 years of my heart and soul to it and in return it sucked the life out of my life. I was diagnosed with ptsd in 1989 and should've ran then instead of sticking around nearly two and a half decades longer.

    Welcome to our new "normal".

    Some days are better than others, some days (for me anyway) are worse than others.

    Like yourself I was very goal oriented, self motivated. When I was working I would have a contest with myself, like "tonight I'm going to get 2 DWI's off the road". Now I workout as much as I can. I make up new workouts for myself almost daily, thus setting new goals for myself to reach. If I don't complete it, it goes into my "incomplete pile" until I do complete it.

    Just something that seems to help me stay motivated and a reason to get out of bed.
     
    LuckiLee and scout86 like this.
  10. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    It's sad the organizations you gave 100% to quickly cut the cord when you are suffering. If I would have been shot on duty, I would have had the support of almost the whole community, but when your cup overflows, you become distanced. Once I used up all my sick time, I was put on unpaid leave until my retirement was approved. But if I was under an internal investigation, I would have been planning ascend on paid leave pending the outcome. I was out 7 months until i retired and the Chief never called once to check on me. My opinion is they don't want too much attention on the employee because then the cat will be out of the bag so to speak and they will be forced to do something about it. It's still the crazy aunt that's locked in the closet. I was honored to uphold righteousness and hold on as long as I did, but it cost me dearly. Would I do it over again with the same results and lack of coping tools, NO WAY! I hear a lot of guys say working out helps them. I may do that and try a low impact martial art, but try not to exceed my limits.
     
  11. CdnCopper

    CdnCopper Active Member

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    I was seriously injured on duty from a road side fight I became involved in after a traffic stop. I was in hospital for a month after my first operation. Subsequent to that I went under the knife 10 more times and was off work for over 3 years and spent months in hospital and months in and out of physio.

    During that time I heard from management once and that was because they had to serve me with a notice of termination if I couldn't become "road worthy". It was also during this time I was diagnosed with ptsd. The "crazy aunt" analogy is spot on.

    It was then that I should've taken the hint and left on a disability pension. But no, instead I fought like hell to become "road worthy". I think only I did it because I wanted to show them that I wasn't going anywhere.

    Yeah, I really showed them alright. If I would've left then I would've saved myself nearly 25 years of more trauma and quite possibly would've been enjoying my life a hell of a lot more than I am now.
     
    Freida likes this.
  12. Peaceful Warrior

    Peaceful Warrior Member

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    Remember hindsight is always 20/20. Glad to be out of the toxicity. Part of what helped and hurt me too was I didn't really have a choice. Doc said no more. I guess when retirement is on our terms and is expected it might be a better transition. I came home mid shift one day due to fatigue and never knew that would be my last day. No final sign off, unable to say goodbye to my shift, etc. But it is what it is. The only time I'm back at work is in my dreams at night.
     
    Freida and EveHarrington like this.
  13. LuckiLee

    LuckiLee I'm a VIP

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    Thanks for all you've done for your communities. My nephew is LEO (swat) and we all worry about him daily. I was wondering if you had any advice to give to a new officer? He's been in for almost 5 years.

    Thanks in advance! XO

    (if my question is inappropriate, disregard)
     
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