Ecdysis
Diamond Member
Thank you for using some of those imperfect crystals to express that so beautifully... 
Yes, it's beyond knowing...
Yes, it's beyond knowing...
Anyone try Ketamine assisted therapy with PTSD & ADHD?
- Post starter Justmehere
- Start date
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
I just finished my second session. The mechanics were the same and the first dose was 50 whatevers. The second was larger. The woman who was running the sessions asked me some questions about the last session and places where improvement could be me. I told her about the music and she smiled and got it right away. In this area 70% of the population are members of the Church of Latter Day Saints, Mormons, so they never know who is going to come through the door so they start off things on the mild side. I had visions of the bishop from the local ward getting blown across the universe so I understand their easing into things.
I have been a little sad the last couple days regarding my marriage. We have been living apart for almost 5 months but we talk everyday and spend a lot of time together. She is off on a girl’s weekend that got moved from the end of the month to this weekend. I had been looking forward to spending time together this weekend thus the sadness. So I was a bit worried that my mood might taint the session. It didn’t.
The beginning of the session was again like a rising tide. I felt totally in tune with the universe, nothing to do, achieve or buy. Just exist.
My thoughts moved on to my marriage. It wasn’t like I had an agenda, thought (more like inspirations) just arose. I realized that after being in the relationship for 30 years, 28 married, the relationship had become a major part of my being. She is everything to me just as she was on our wedding day. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I just know the current situation, although improving, is extremely painful. I just have to wait for her to decide if she wants to stay married. I will live with whatever that decision is. My plan B is to move to New Zealand where it appears I have citizenship. I am awaiting NZ’s response to my citizenship registration. So what I was getting was clarity on how my entire being has incorporated the most important relationship of my life. Not emotions one way or the other, just understanding.
After the above it was just pure acceptance of everything. Acceptance of the limbo state of my marriage. Acceptance of my very flawed self and all the other flawed selves running around out there. Acceptance of the universe just as it is even with my minimal understanding of it. That the vast majority of it will remain wonder and I accept that too.
In clock time, the whole thing took a little over 3 hours. So now I am back in the quietness of home. A storm is coming through tonight so maybe I can XC Ski in the back yard and adjoining alfalfa field tomorrow.
I have been a little sad the last couple days regarding my marriage. We have been living apart for almost 5 months but we talk everyday and spend a lot of time together. She is off on a girl’s weekend that got moved from the end of the month to this weekend. I had been looking forward to spending time together this weekend thus the sadness. So I was a bit worried that my mood might taint the session. It didn’t.
The beginning of the session was again like a rising tide. I felt totally in tune with the universe, nothing to do, achieve or buy. Just exist.
My thoughts moved on to my marriage. It wasn’t like I had an agenda, thought (more like inspirations) just arose. I realized that after being in the relationship for 30 years, 28 married, the relationship had become a major part of my being. She is everything to me just as she was on our wedding day. I don’t know if this is good or bad. I just know the current situation, although improving, is extremely painful. I just have to wait for her to decide if she wants to stay married. I will live with whatever that decision is. My plan B is to move to New Zealand where it appears I have citizenship. I am awaiting NZ’s response to my citizenship registration. So what I was getting was clarity on how my entire being has incorporated the most important relationship of my life. Not emotions one way or the other, just understanding.
After the above it was just pure acceptance of everything. Acceptance of the limbo state of my marriage. Acceptance of my very flawed self and all the other flawed selves running around out there. Acceptance of the universe just as it is even with my minimal understanding of it. That the vast majority of it will remain wonder and I accept that too.
In clock time, the whole thing took a little over 3 hours. So now I am back in the quietness of home. A storm is coming through tonight so maybe I can XC Ski in the back yard and adjoining alfalfa field tomorrow.
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
I just finished my third session, still a little out of it but back home. Yesterday after therapy I felt total despair. I had very active suicidal ideation, thinking I should just walk about in the marsh and shoot myself. I watch the ideation pretty closely as it tells me a lot about where I am at. I don’t hide this when it happens, I talk about it. I talked to my wife about it on the phone last night and while I was talking to her a text came in. It was from DHL telling me a package from New Zealand was on its way. This could be good or bad news regarding my NZ citizenship registration and the only way to tell before the package arrives on Friday was to analyze what they charged my card. After taking in account for currency conversion they charged me for my citizenship registration, a passport and return delivery. They would not have charged me for the passport if my citizenship registration was rejected so it looks like my path is clear to move to NZ. Moving to NZ is my Plan B if the marriage can’t be saved. I get citizenship because my mother who was my abuser was born in NZ, just another example of the universe having a warped sense of humor. So I had a little on my mind and I was worried it would taint the session. It didn’t.
The first shot was 60 whatever’s and the second was 65. Like a rising tide it got intense fairly quickly. I started to wonder if I was dying. I had to check that I was still breathing. At a couple points I actually intentionally took a few breaths to just make sure. And then it didn’t matter. If I was dying I was ok with that. I experienced the same sensation I did a long time ago when I was singlehanding a 24’ sailboat from San Francisco to Mexico. The wind had come up suddenly at night and I ran up to the foredeck to do a sail change and I forgot to put my harness on. So I was dancing around the pitching foredeck wrestling with the sail change. I knew I was one misstep from eternity and I didn’t care. I was having the time of my life. It was like that today. I just let go and was OK with whatever happened.
The music was fairly intense but more than a little “churchy”. It reminded me of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I remember thinking this could get weird fast but it didn’t. I wonder if the religious overtones had anything to do with the focus on death.
After the death stuff, it was all about the big “A” word, ACCEPTANCE. I use that word because I can’t think of a better one but it really doesn’t do justice to the experience. I was at peace with everything. My own insignificance was glaring. I was like a grain of sand on a beach stretching on through infinity. And I was completely OK with my low standing in the universe, in fact it was joyous. At least it took a lot of pressure off me.
Those are the highlights. I came home and fixed a ham sandwich and sat here at the computer.
The first shot was 60 whatever’s and the second was 65. Like a rising tide it got intense fairly quickly. I started to wonder if I was dying. I had to check that I was still breathing. At a couple points I actually intentionally took a few breaths to just make sure. And then it didn’t matter. If I was dying I was ok with that. I experienced the same sensation I did a long time ago when I was singlehanding a 24’ sailboat from San Francisco to Mexico. The wind had come up suddenly at night and I ran up to the foredeck to do a sail change and I forgot to put my harness on. So I was dancing around the pitching foredeck wrestling with the sail change. I knew I was one misstep from eternity and I didn’t care. I was having the time of my life. It was like that today. I just let go and was OK with whatever happened.
The music was fairly intense but more than a little “churchy”. It reminded me of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. I remember thinking this could get weird fast but it didn’t. I wonder if the religious overtones had anything to do with the focus on death.
After the death stuff, it was all about the big “A” word, ACCEPTANCE. I use that word because I can’t think of a better one but it really doesn’t do justice to the experience. I was at peace with everything. My own insignificance was glaring. I was like a grain of sand on a beach stretching on through infinity. And I was completely OK with my low standing in the universe, in fact it was joyous. At least it took a lot of pressure off me.
Those are the highlights. I came home and fixed a ham sandwich and sat here at the computer.
Ecdysis
Diamond Member
Love your descriptions @Lost in the Woods
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
Thank you. The experiences are intense and you never know where they will go. If noting else, they make me take a couple steps back from my day to day life problems. Things just are. Our emotional stuff isn’t anything to do with the thing, we assign emotional value, creations of our minds. It is like watching the evolving shadows in Monument Valley.
Ecdysis
Diamond Member
Might be worth trying it without any music at all @Lost in the Woods ? My treatment sessions are without any music at all and I think I prefer it that way, because my brain goes where it wants to...
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
That is a very good idea. The second thought that came to mind is that is a bit scary, I mean really, alone in my own mind.
Ecdysis
Diamond Member
Heh... Could be... 
I find it soothing and non-scary, but we're all different...
I assume the music is via headphones? Maybe it's worth experimenting with? Taking them off... putting them back on if that feels preferable?
Maybe best to talk to the practitioners about it, if you're feeling some reservations about it...
I find it soothing and non-scary, but we're all different...
I assume the music is via headphones? Maybe it's worth experimenting with? Taking them off... putting them back on if that feels preferable?
Maybe best to talk to the practitioners about it, if you're feeling some reservations about it...
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
Thank you. My next session is on Friday and I am certainly going to think about it and talk to them more about it. I am pondering my fear of not having music and I wonder if it has to do with my isolation and loneliness. The possibility of diving deeper into it scares me. I am not sure I am ready for it yet. But on the other hand maybe that is exactly why I need to do it. I have 3 more planned sessions so if not Friday, maybe one of the others.
Looking back to yesterday I think all the death stuff was probably due to the ideation of the day before. That was the most extreme ideation I have had yet. Last Sunday something happened that might be a contributing factor too. I have a neurological disorder and for years I have participated in a forum for people with such disabilities. A woman with ALS did the assisted death thing last Sunday. She had been posting about her journey and the last few weeks she spoke of the days leading up to last Sunday. Things like a final family get together, the guidance she was receiving from her guide for the final journey, etc. On Sunday morning she posted a final thank you to all of us for being there and we all wished her peace. And now she is gone.
Looking back to yesterday I think all the death stuff was probably due to the ideation of the day before. That was the most extreme ideation I have had yet. Last Sunday something happened that might be a contributing factor too. I have a neurological disorder and for years I have participated in a forum for people with such disabilities. A woman with ALS did the assisted death thing last Sunday. She had been posting about her journey and the last few weeks she spoke of the days leading up to last Sunday. Things like a final family get together, the guidance she was receiving from her guide for the final journey, etc. On Sunday morning she posted a final thank you to all of us for being there and we all wished her peace. And now she is gone.
Ecdysis
Diamond Member
I had a medical emergency this autumn and came quite close to dying from it... I had to pause my Ketamine treatment for the hospital stays and the 2nd Ketamine session after those health issues, I had a sort of "bad trip"... Nothing too awful, but I did press the buzzer and tell the nurse that I couldn't work out what was going on... Was I feeling weird because my psyche was replaying those feelings from the medical emergency? Or was the Ketamine affecting my still weakened body too much? So she checked pulse and blood pressure and reassured me that my body wasn't stressed at all, was deeply relaxed... that it was my mind that was getting anxious... This was helpful for me, as "being under" during the Ketamine treatment and being so thoroughly disorientated, I couldn't tell what was what... And afterwards I thought "Yeah, I can see how people have panic attacks and horror trips if there's no one to reassure them that it's just their subconscious bringing up difficult feelings"...
So yeah, the things you described would've had an impact on the session, I think...
Go gently with it... No reason to go without music... It was just an idea, because you sounded uncertain about their choice of music and because my sessions have been music free throughout... Maybe save the music-free idea for some other time and place and just go with what is helping right now...
So yeah, the things you described would've had an impact on the session, I think...
Go gently with it... No reason to go without music... It was just an idea, because you sounded uncertain about their choice of music and because my sessions have been music free throughout... Maybe save the music-free idea for some other time and place and just go with what is helping right now...
Lost in the Woods
Gold Member
Thank you again. I think the idea is worth exploring but I am not sure I am up to it this week. I will bring it up on Friday and talk to them about it before the session.
