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General Apologies

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dcb2410

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Some of my words were no doubt triggering. As someone who has lived through trauma myself I don’t ever underestimate how major trauma can impact on people for a very long time if not forever. Appreciate this is a community trying to support those who are living through major trauma. I have enough of my own work to do. I have had enough trauma in my own life. For those I’ve triggered am truly sorry
 
Some of my words were no doubt triggering. As someone who has lived through trauma myself I don’t ever underestimate how major trauma can impact on people for a very long time if not forever. Appreciate this is a community trying to support those who are living through major trauma. I have enough of my own work to do. I have had enough trauma in my own life. For those I’ve triggered am truly sorry
One thing you have to learn if you seek help here, is that you may not like the answers. Supporters and sufferers in here have heard stories like yours many, many, many times.....it is classic and we know the PTSD tango all too well.
I am an ex supporter. I was in an on/off situationship with my CPTSD guy for almost three years. Knew him as a friend for four years before we became involved. Here is the thing about this bitch called PTSD....it is f****** hard to be a supporter. It doesn’t matter how sweet, charming, wise or whatever your sufferer is if they are not in therapy (like my guy) or if they can’t communicate because it is too hard for them, you will have to walk on eggshell....and that is extremely frustrating....it will exhaust the shit out of you!
I know you came here seeking advice....probably hoping that we will tell you that everything is going to be okay if you just try a little harder. Nope...it most probably will not. You are not ready to give up on her and I get that! Trust me I do! But it isn’t going to be easy! Been there, done that and it ripped my heart to pieces! It took me far too long to tell him no more and he still tries to get back with me, but I have nothing left to offer him but my friendship and it is amazing to feel that each day I feel stronger and more like me, because I took my life back. I visit this site once in a while to support people like you....so remember that we as ex supporters may or may not have moved on, but that is not for you to judge ?
 
Thanks. She didn’t (in me) have someone who was not willing to sit down and talk about issues, triggers etc. understand life can get challenging at times. Running at the first perceived hurdle after how things had otherwise been does cut to the core. Doubly so when asked for my own reassurance of commitment only days before.
 
You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to have expectations in your partner. Her mental health issues do not give her free reign to hold you to unrealistic standards. Anybody would be flummoxed by this behavior. Unfortunately this is how it goes when your partner has PTSD in the mix. Not everything is going to be fair or logical.
 
We’ll it’s certainly not logical against how things had been to that point. I’d had some fairly significant stressors which had said I wanted to sit down and talk to her about. They were work things that had taken a toll. But genuinely thought was in a relationship with someone where we could sit down and talk about problems. But can’t do that if the other person shuts down. She shut down about the insecurity when tried to reassure her. Was too upset to talk when she was concerned I was hiding her from someone else in not realising there was a Facebook post she had tagged me in. She spent Christmas with my family. Her daughter had spent time with my parents when we went to a concert. Between commuting to and from work, dealing with demands of my job, speaking to her on the phone, cooking, doing washing etc and spending my weekends doing things with her and her daughter wasn’t exactly time to be doing anything else. And never in a million years would I put someone through Infidelity having been there myself. You try to show that she and her daughter meant a lot to me and boom you are just dust.
 
You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to have expectations in your partner. Her mental health issues do not give her free reign to hold you to unrealistic standards. Anybody would be flummoxed by this behavior. Unfortunately this is how it goes when your partner has PTSD in the mix. Not everything is going to be fair or logical.
Just not allowed to voice to her that I am hurt. Just extraordinary that the
You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to have expectations in your partner. Her mental health issues do not give her free reign to hold you to unrealistic standards. Anybody would be flummoxed by this behavior. Unfortunately this is how it goes when your partner has PTSD in the mix. Not everything is going to be fair or logical.

Yeah but just not allowed to express it. Had to be there showing my commitment, reassuring her when she was insecure. She said she got on her knees and thanked God for meeting me and then just cuts me off cold. Expected to turn on the emotions to support them when they get insecure and then just pretend none of what we promised each other was ever said.
 
I can hear your pain and loss. I'm feeling for you @dcb2410 .

Hard to bare, I know.

Hard to find words of comfort too.

I hope things ease, and sort out in a positive way for you.



Thank you. If only she could look into my heart and know what they both mean to me and how I would have always been there for them both. She took comfort when I said that to her before she just shut me out. Work has been really tough. I deal with some very difficult people and it and trying to help (pro bono) a lot of people who have been ripped off took a toll. The sad thing is that we were supposed to sit down and talk about that. I wanted to tell her that I had not been my best self because of my own stresses. I thought we had a relationship where we could be open and talk but I guess I failed in communicating that I was aware just how much she was dealing with herself and pushing for communication when her cup was full. I thought we had something special. We both did. If only I had read more earlier on.
 
I’d had some fairly significant stressors which had said I wanted to sit down and talk to her about. They were work things that had taken a toll. But genuinely thought was in a relationship with someone where we could sit down and talk about problems.

Just not allowed to voice to her that I am hurt.

Welcome to the wonderful world of being a supporter. Your partner often times is not a great source of comfort or compassion. Not fair, but it’s the truth.

I wanted to tell her that I had not been my best self because of my own stresses. I thought we had a relationship where we could be open and talk but I guess I failed in communicating that I was aware just how much she was dealing with herself and pushing for communication when her cup was full.

If only I had read more earlier on.

You cannot take responsibility for her reactions. She may have reacted the same way regardless. Sometimes you’re just damned if you do and damned if you don’t with a symptomatic PTSD partner. It’s like walking through a field of rakes blindfolded.
 
Welcome to the wonderful world of being a supporter. Your partner often times is not a great source of comfort or compassion. Not fair, but it’s the truth. You cannot take responsibility for her reactions. She may have reacted the same way regardless. Sometimes you’re just damned if you do and damned if you don’t with a symptomatic PTSD partner. It’s like walking through a field of rakes blindfolded.

Thanks. Think I stepped on every rake
 
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