Are Adults Behaving More Immaturely In General

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brat17

MyPTSD Pro
I am really puzzled about something, that may or not have anything to do with ptsd.
I can honestly say, that 10 yrs ago, if given a scale of 1-10 on my average behavior, I would give myself at least a 9 all of the time. Not so much now. I probably average a 7 and if pushed hard enough, (not that it is anothers responsibility), I might stoop to a 3. Not proud of and it takes a lot of pushing. I am much better than I was a few yrs ago. I seem to get pushed when attacked particularly by addicts/alcoholics. Likely due to upbringing.

I don't know if it is because I isolate so much and it is a reflection of those I come in contact with, not my firect friends but general and /or acquaintaince. Everything from the person working at Subway to the magistrate gossiping and making fun of people while drinking in a bar. (not always directed toward me) In the past, most of the people that I have had social contact with are either fairly educated or in pursuit, and by educated, I include personal growth. Now that I isolate and many friends work a lot, I have little contact but these things dont happen.

I see it on social media. I am not referring to those who post about a cause either, but some have really become degrading of others in pursuit of their cause too. It seems that people refuse to disagree with respect for one another.

Almost 3 yrs ago, I briefly dated a guy that I discovered was a serious alcoholic within a couple of months and ended it immediately. His former girlfriend , ( I will call Joyce) was a real scrapper and big mouth and wanted to befriend me when I ended it. I wanted no part. That angered her. She harrassed me for awhile. Even last summer yelled things from her car and threw stuff on my lawn and porch at different times . With these exceptions, I have not given her a thought since the last drama she created when I broke it off with the alcoholic almost 3 yrs ago. She came into a business that I was at a couple weeks ago and started yelling whore, slut, c*nt. She is obsessed with some thong she thinks I have. I thought-(I would not be wearing a thong sister but didnt respond ) Then proceeded to yell that I caused her to get cancer.(thats a good one) I just ignored her of course. She left screaming "I will get you yet". She is 51 yrs old. At times, I swear I think it is where I live and that middle age middle class (supposedly ) women do not act like this, but it happens so frequently around here that I think its in the water. She was drinking alcohol and I was not.

Further, the magistrates encourage this kind of thing, I guess it keeps them employed. People file petty minor charges or seek protective orders in dv cases and restraining in other matters. There is also a bias, small community, where some minor things get big attention that should not, and cops refuse to file a report for another such as a theft of property unless the person can tell them who did it?????what the heck. The courts are full of this nonsense. She is also a pill head and sells her pills. The woman that was with her has a 22 yr old son busted for selling drugs(repeat problems and offenses) and in rehab for the ???? time. Of course it wont work when he gets the stuff from his mothers buddy. Im not going to seek a po because I dont think its effective and it just entertains the monkey court. Other reasons too such as her attention seeking.

(sorry I have the tendency to tell too much of the story-maybe more than necessary to make my point or include all facts)

Admittedly, our state is the 2nd in US for mental illness and I believe 1st for drug overdoses. We have a very serious drug problem here and no surprise with the rate of mental illness as they do go hand in hand often. I have ptsd and have suffered depression and anxiety and under circumstances have lost it myself, but about a current situation and impulsively, and never by attacking someone in public.

My scenerio is really irrelevant. It is just an example of stuff that happens that shocks me even though I have seen it before. I dont have space in my head for people like this. I tend to schluff it off but it comes back like gum on your shoe yrs later, usually with the person sicker than the last time I saw them.

It reminds me of the cheerleaders mom who killed another mother so her daughter would make the squad. It often involves kids excelling or men. (some men behave as poorly too, instigating and punching others.) I am very non competitive. I am not a big sport fan even though my kids played, I want everyone to win. lol. I use to work with battered women and was amazed at how long some women would endure the abuse, then the guy would get another woman and the victim was always more angry at the other woman, calling her names like Joyce did (she is a victim of dv from past)

I have always had this belief: Live your life as if you have an audiance of the world as a witness. That thought has slipped past me for short moments, but I try to remember that if retaliation ever enters my mind. I would be horrified to watch such a video with myself screaming those things, and what would I be modeling for the youth.

I would really like to know others experience of others behavior and even examples they have experienced. I am seriously considering moving (not because of this) and would like to be in better climate, but I sure would like to be in a less insane place as well. I am 57 yrs old and I just dont want to be around people like this. I have lived here since I was 14, but I really do not think (hope anyway) that this is as common elsewhere as it is here. Please share any thoughts as I desperately need to know that others think this is seriously abnormal and we have ptsd.
 

sedna

MyPTSD Pro
I am really puzzled about something, that may or not have anything to do with ptsd.
I can honestly say, t...
Adults are behaving worse! It took the longest time for me to figure that out also. I wasn't sure if my perception was off because I'd had a breakdown, or if I just didnt realize Americans were nuts after living in Europe for years. I came back to the States right in the middle of a major breakdown after years of threats and abuse from my husband, who had actually threatened to kill me or our children several times. Because of that, I had the most surreal experiences of people the first few years back here. In many ways it made me feel crazier. I saw a totally well dressed rich blonde get caught shoplifting a $500 silk shirt in a boutique and then speed away in her cream colored mercedes while yelling the C word out the window. I saw a school mom tell her daughter, who was about 8 , that her teacher looked like a hooker while I was registering my kids for school. Those are just a few examples. It added to my disconnect from reality for sure, which I still havent gotten back. I wish I knew why or what has happened to grown ups, brat17, but I can only say that I understand what you're saying. :wacky:
 

anthony

Founder
Are Adults Behaving More Immaturely In General?

I don't believe so... certainly nothing that I see here. There are always people at the various extremes, though most of what I see is mature adults. Our younger generation is maturing faster than certainly my generation did, for attitude and togetherness overall.
 

sedna

MyPTSD Pro
Are Adults Behaving More Immaturely In General?

I don't believe so... certainly nothing that I see here. T...
It might be that the odd weirdo we encounter has a much bigger impact from ptsd sensory perception distortion. For myself, because my reaction time is slow from emotions and chronic sleep deprivation, I sometimes respond to unexpected and strange behavior with instant hyper alert for every detail. That makes the whole thing even more strange. Kids do seem much more mature than my generation, but I've noticed my generation seems to be stuck about 20 years old in the maturity department. In general, its not everyone. It also isnt any better with the educated or wealthy in my area, which is a generally affluent area.
 

Justmehere

Sponsor
Immature humans can be found anywhere, but there are more mature ones out there, where bickering and screaming is at worst an occasional event, not the consistent norm.
I see it on social media. I am not referring to those who post about a cause either, but some have really become degrading of others in pursuit of their cause too. It seems that people refuse to disagree with respect for one another.
Everything from the person working at Subway to the magistrate gossiping and making fun of people while drinking in a bar
Social media and bars are not generally the best places to find mature behavior, no matter the socioeconomic status or education of a person. People get stupid on social media and when drinking.

Something like a service club or volunteer group, or people gathered in person for a educational or professional goal, tends to bring out a little bit more mature behavior of most people.
 

Friday

Moderator
Birds of a feather...

Small towns generally have a "feel" to them.
Big cities also do, but it's neighborhoods that really have a "feel" to them.

One of the contributing factors to that feel can be relative cultural-maturity. You'll notice that especially in cities, where people can choose what neighborhood they're living in... There are very "young" neighborhoods, regardless of actual residential age, as well as very stately and reserved neighborhoods. There's also a whole helluva lot of subcultures, regardless of neighborhood. Micro, Macro, all sort of colliding together... But the numbers are big enough that they never really blend.

Living in a small town? The whole town tends to take on certain characteristics, as people support some behaviors & punish others. But as soon as you move outside that town? <low whistle> The rules change.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
All of your input makes sense to me. As far as youth being more mature, I believe that to be true from what I witness, at least on certain levels. I see high schoolers with knowledge in areas that I thought little about at such an age, such as politics. Teens doing some really worthy volunteer work and starting programs for less fortunate. There is a mature awareness they posssess today. With pressure on to chose a career at such a young age, I have seen that maturity as well. Then there are also some that are pseudo mature which is not such a good thing. The young girls certainly look older. I hear many complain about our youth being extremely disrespectful and unwilling to perform job duties in the work place.

Anthony, I wonder if there is much of a difference in US and UK. One place that adults are often big ass hats here in US is at youth sporting events. Not that unusual for a fight between parents and some pretty bad language and threats. Parents often brown nose coaches and if that doesnt work, they try strong arming. Ive seen many coaches face this music from parents. Actually, that happens at pro events as well-thinking of a chicago cubs fan traveling 500 miles to a baseball game against pittsburgh pirates and a pirate fan spit tobacca at the cubbie fan and fight broke out-ended in big legal battle-hit news is only reason I think of that particular one. Ive witnessed at events though and have no desire to attend. Of course alcohol is served as well.

Justmehere-your are sure right about bars and social media, I guess those are bad examples, and I dont see this where I volunteer for homeless and feed shelter clients, even from homeless people who are very kind. I dont see it in church. I dont see it in my neighborhood either. I did see much back biting when kids were younger and I volunteered at school a lot. There were many parents acting as 7th graders. I recall one mom who is trouble maker and quite intellegent, her daughter did not get spot on debate/speech team. The mother and daughter started rumors that speech teacher was having a sexual affair with teen student. It got really bad. Mother was relentless and damaged not only teachers name, but that of young student. It is common here for parents to chose what teacher they want elementary children to have and if they dont get them, they cause huge rukus.

Fridayjones, Good points…..I have lived in my home for 21 years and have never had any problem with any neighbor or witnessed such, and only know of a pair of neighbors that have had a problem with each other and the fence keeps peace between them. since. (no idea what its about). Old neighborhood-very diverse- with very young to very old. This small town has much old money for few very wealthy, low mid socioeconomic, and higher rate of low income. It also has a large percentage of over 60 yrs of age and older and they are dying off steadily of course. Many elderly high rises have become low income housing. Very few young people and children so the energy is very low. A lot of poverty, job loss, not much to do and I think that is why so many get into trouble with alcohol and drugs. Maybe boredom brings on drama. It is a very clickish place in some respects too, but not necessarily negative. Definite sub groups. I suppose I use to be part of a sub group as I am thinking about it, and am now more of a loner since ptsd, which may also make it more noticable to me since I keep to myself altogether most of the time.

coco-First I want to say that I am sorry for what you have been through and its no wonder your experiences back here would feel very off. Do you think people behave different in Europe? kinder and more laid back? I am guessing that my ptsd is a contributing factor to my noticing it so much, and the heightened sensory of things. Also, when I was strong and more confident, I feel like my words were very effective, I did not rattle easily, and was not a target of others. I know I had more confidence, and never felt threatened (emotionally or physically). Those were yrs I volunteered a lot at schools and noticed but again was never target and rolled off shoulders. Now I piss people off and dont even know it. I think that bullies are perceptive to those perceived weaker and I may be showing that somehow. Although I used the example above, I am not only referring to myself being a target, I witness it much more than I ever have in my lifetime. I drive in heavy Pittsburg traffic and drivers switch lanes and let you in with ease, never a problem. To get off of my small town street, I must make a left on a main street and you often will have to gun it eventually to get out, but expect getting the middle finger and a drawn out horn blowing. Last year a couple young men in the gas field kicked a college student to death in my neighborhood after following him from a bar because he offended them somehow. Never thought I would see so many angry people.

Do you think that the high rate of mental illness is at least partly responsible? Not that all people with mental illness are nasty or violent or this goofy, but add some drugs and drink…..A state cop told me that he could not find 10 people in a block radius that are not on some sort of drugs. At first I did not believe but Im about convinced now. I think of my very worst days since ptsd and being ready to blow, and I guess I knew to stay home for the most part. I tend to blame self more, which causes depression. Maybe lashing out masks it more. Even in example I described, I feel like I am to blame because I was dumb enough to date this guy even for a short time. It should be no surprise that he has an ex such as this one. It feels like misery loves company and the message is "If I aint happy, aint nobody gonna be happy".
 

anthony

Founder
One place that adults are often big ass hats here in US is at youth sporting events.
That has made the news here before... parents on the side lines getting into arguments because their kid took out another, or did something they deem unfair or such. I think that happens everywhere... and there is always going to be that percentage that are just knobs. IMO, adults being total dicks can vary depending on the group viewed.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Good point Anthony, we have probably all seen parents behave badly at sporting events. Where I live, its not unusual that a person that goes off as if they think they are at one of those events and are all fired up and nasty. Bad enough at sporty events but in restaurants and grocery stores its a bit much. What also amazes me is that bystanders often try to ignore, look the other way and pretend that its not happening. I was puzzled by bystanders until I remembered being a bystander. Made me think about how many times someone made a horrible scene and I just felt so uncomfortable and wanted to escape when not the target either. Guess I have never been the target before but witnessed similar and realize how I felt.
 
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