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Are suicidal thoughts always from the inner critic?

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Rose White

MyPTSD Pro
Are depression and suicidal thoughts always the result of self judgment? Even if the original source was an outsider bully, once internalized it becomes a habit, right?

And originally it was a survival thing right?

This is how I’m thinking at the moment... Childhood abuse caused near-constant emotional and mental pain. Source of pain (abuser) never went away and strong cultural pressure to accept parent was ever present..

In adolescence, separation meant internalizing the source of the pain for survival. If the judgment came from inside, and was worse than outside, then no parental judgment could get in—they were shut off and a new relationship with parents, that of emotional acting became predominant. Eventually, in early adulthood it was forgotten that acting was taking place with other adults too and it was assumed that “growing up” had completed.

The inner critic governed emotional regulation and as painful emotional experiences piled up, it worked harder and harder to prevent them. It thought we could perfect our responses if it continually reminded us to “shut it down and think positive.”
Unfortunately even positive emotions led to pain so those were judged as well.

Ironically, the self-hatred and emotional judgment was intended to protect me, I now realize, from the pain of abandonment. Although this insight does not stop the reflexive self-judgment, I believe the awareness is a crack, a tiny foothold, a possible entry point into gaining control over the critic.

So my question, is the inner critic the main source of depression and suicidal thoughts or are there other sources?
 
I think the inner critic is not the only possible cause of depression and suicidal thoughts.
I think depression can be caused by life circumstances, feeling hopeless to make things better. One time I was suicidal due to a bad reaction to ssri drugs. Another time I felt suicidal due to being in an abusive relationship and having no hope of ever getting away.
 
My suicidal ideation felt more like self-compassion. Needing to be free from what seemed like an impossible world to live in without endless pain and suffering.

You're right, you've gained some insight into the motives of your ego and you can use that to control it. I'm learning that it takes a lot of practice, but when my ego starts offering up toxic messages, I thank it for its efforts to protect me, and tell it that it can take a break. It works most of the time. I also use a visual aid. I think of the ego as one facet of a diamond, and when it starts its chatter, I turn the diamond so that the ego facet is hidden after I thank it. Sounds silly, doesn't it? :)
 
Are depression and suicidal thoughts always the result of self judgment? Even if the original s...
I believe that it is a result of the inner-critic. The inner-critic is the internalization of the people who abused you. I totally agree that we internalize that voice so that we feel that pain rather than the pain of rejection and abuse from outside sources. It's a survival mechanism that turns on us and tries to destroy us through suicide, drugs etc. I feel suicidal at some pointe nearly every day.
 
I believe that it is a result of the inner-critic... I feel suicidal at some pointe nearly every day.

I feel uncomfortable saying this because I am NOT glad that you are struggling with this issue, but I am grateful for your validation, it feels supportive.

Depending on your mood... Do you fight it? Do you ignore it? Do you feel victimized by it? How would you characterize your relationship with your inner critic?

@Mal Content I was not aware that the inner critic is the same as the ego. I think in the 80’s they called it low self esteem. I think you are right that it takes a lot of practice to control and I don’t think I’ve fully committed to that practice yet, though I keep trying.

@Bearlinda thank you for that perspective. I do believe that hormones and neurotransmitters play a role too. And being trapped in violence from an outside source (abuser dad) was probably the first source of my suicidal behavior, now that I think of it, before I internalized it—that’s probably important for me to notice and remember—that the ultimate source was outside of me. It’s so much a part of me that I seem to take all the credit now.
 
My suicidal ideation is definitely fuelled by my inner critic. But the times when I’ve been actively suicidal it was my brain just trying to come up with a solution to the seemingly endless suffering. It was definitely a solution that my inner critic approved of, but my inner critic wasn’t the core source of the problem.

Certainly for me, understanding the nature of my major depressive episode was also key. I really did have my brain chemistry working against me, as well as physiological things like my depleted energy, poor concentration and major cognitive distortion issues.

So, addressing my inner critic and resolving those issues will go a long way towards preventing future suicidal episodes for me, but it will by no means conclusively solve the issue. By the time I was actively suicidal, there was lot more going on than just a whole lot of self-loahing.
 
So my question, is the inner critic the main source of depression and suicidal thoughts or are there other sources?

Definitely several sources.

But the times when I’ve been actively suicidal it was my brain just trying to come up with a solution to the seemingly endless suffering. It was definitely a solution that my inner critic approved of, but my inner critic wasn’t the core source of the problem.

^^ I think myself also.

By the time I was actively suicidal, there was lot more going on than just a whole lot of self-loathing.

^ For me, the self-loathing has more than the IC as it's source.

Maybe before today- but as of today, and speaking for myself only, oddly- no, the IC has little to nothing to do with it (for me).
 
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Even if the original source was an outsider bully, once internalized it becomes a habit, right?
Yepper in a lot of cases

And originally it was a survival thing right?
Correct

Other than an external source, such as a current abuser, and chemical, what other sources are there besides the IC for self-loathing?

You may find as you go forward in therapy that there are several parts, each with their own job. In a healthy person they work together to keep you going. When it goes wrong they end up fighting with each other trying to keep you safe. So you may have a part all of its own that holds the depression and SI and the critic is trying to keep that part under control
 
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