Are There Any Emotions That You Cannot Handle, Or Struggle With?

[Friday]

Are there any emotions that you...

- Absolutely cannot handle?
- Have difficulty handling?
- Used to be unable or struggle with handling, but have resolved?

...and any thoughts on those?

 

[enough]

Rage. I break on through to the other side and get immersed in it and from there it can be and has been a ride along. Immersed is a good word, when I am out of it, it takes awhile to shed the remnants.
I am not prone to breaking the rules, I don't black out and come to with a bloody knife in my hand or anything even close to that but it can get so intense that it feels like the very next second is the only only only one that matters, none of the ones before it or any following it have any value compared to the excruciatingly important task of: escape, stop, control, overpower, manage, remove, eject, cause to wish to escape my proximity, whatever the focus of the rage needs the benefit of in that moment.

This isn't anger management, it's more like knowing how to ride the wave of anger and surfing it to the break with regularity and a demeanor mimicking calm like a true surfer dude but screwing up and wipeout yard sailing into a rage. From last nights T session: "No one has to manage joy, what would that look like? would you manage anticipation? no. you experience it. You experience anger, you manage your reaction. Anger management is a dead idea from the start."

And anger doesn't have to be there first for rage to show up anyway. I know it is there, I moderate it, but I still feel like a wet dog in the house for awhile afterwards. It doesn't feel managed. It feels like it is forced upon me. It feels like I was doing great but got struck with rage again, dammit. Now look at this mess.....

 

[Mach123]

I’m a lot better so no. I get to “very uncomfortable”, but that’s a long way from really depressed or like breaking dishes or yelling. I feel I suppress sadness at an almost physical level, like my body does it, like I’m not allowed to feel that.

 

[scout86]

Good, thought provoking question! Maybe my tendency is to think of "emotions" as "things that should be ignored". At least when they're mine.

No one has to manage joy

I'm not sure that's true. I think maybe you "have to" manage joy when you believe it's a trick, hiding some as yet unanticipated disaster. Don't want to take it too seriously because it's going to hurt that much more when the truth comes out.

 

[enough]

@scout86
I agree with the premise that as an overview joy is being managed when you hold back a sliver of "cynicism" as a safe ground just in case, I think his point is more along the lines of joy is an honest emotion with a basis and a start, a middle and end, it is real, and you can't make it up. It cannot be managed. but it can be mixed with reluctance and cynisism, both also real, to acheive a kind of "steering" to the emotion of joy. You can't manage it other than to dilute it or manage the environment it is experienced in, thats what I take from his assertation. It was an after thought with just moments to go in the hour, I kind of breached the subject and he set me up for next week.

Don't ask me what I am supposed to do for homework.

 

[Cypress]

Rage. I break on through to the other side and get immersed in it and from there it can be and has been a ride along. Immersed is a good word, when I am out of it, it takes awhile to shed the remnants.
I am not prone to breaking the rules, I don't black out and come to with a bloody knife in my hand or anything even close to that but it can get so intense that it feels like the very next second is the only only only one that matters, none of the ones before it or any following it have any value compared to the excruciatingly important task of: escape, stop, control, overpower, manage, remove, eject, cause to wish to escape my proximity, whatever the focus of the rage needs the benefit of in that moment.

This is me 100%. I have no idea what to do. None of the anger management stuff helps. I've talked about it in therapy forever and its just not better. Maybe more frequent but not better.

I also have trouble tolerating joy. I think I just have trouble tolerating any intense emotion, positive or negative, doesn't matter.

 

[Movingforward10]

Emotions, what are they?!

Jokes aside.
Terror: nope. No thank you. Spent 30 years not feeling this. And unfortunately, am now starting to realise I did feel this and do feel this from the crap that happened. Can't cope. Nope. Can't self sooth. Can't control. Overwhelming. Awful. Just no.

Fear: nope. But less terrifying than terror. So this is like allowing a step towards the terror.

Anger: have always felt this but decided I didn't and wasn't. Concious choice to say "I'm not angry therefore I'm not", regardless of the fact I was feeling angry. So recognising this and now have no idea why I refused to believe I was angry.

Couldn't feel these things in the past as it would mean acknowledging what happened. And that I simply could not and would not do. Only in the early stages of learning now what I felt then and try to find a way to self soothe and regulate.

I love to feel joy. And serenity (I think I felt that once recently). I started my therapy with T by saying "I want to make peace with everything". And that is my goal: peace.

 

[grit]

- Absolutely cannot handle? No absolute as far as I know today, I am capable of feeling/containing any emotion but some I do not enjoy as much to have them linger especially in my body: shame or disdain or disgust

- Have difficulty handling? Feeling of inferiority has a certain sting for me...any relation to authority has a bit of a bite...I need to simmer it for a while. Giving love was another hurdle for me for a long time!

- Used to be unable or struggle with handling, but have resolved? this one is my fav! trust, loneliness, abandonment, dependency, sadness, being looked at feelings (exhibitionistic) - oddly and luckily all cleared up in therapy and the hard life of living for a loooong time!

- Those I embraced early on in my life (cause I had no choice sadly to wake up too early in my life) and learned how to manage without acting out or projecting to others: Anger, hostility, intimidation, threatening, grandoise, caring, love for self, exploitation (as in greed), fear (still carry this one in small doses).

...and any thoughts on those? If anything is to be make a meaning of my childhood, it is I woke up too early to the ugly of the world and fingers crossed, I did not get swallowed up completely!

 

[Survivor3]

I don't know if these are thoughts or emotions but I struggle with shame, regret and abandonment alot.these (things) are a big hurdle to get over at the moment. I only have fleeting moments when I snap out of it.

 

[Chris-duck]

So fear is *bad* to me. Like I basically consider it putting other people in danger. I'll accept "I'm anxious n my anxiety f*cking pisses me off" but that is really as far as I go. Cos in my mind fear is either not protecting someone else. Or putting someone else in danger to protect you. It's bad. Don't do it.

Sadness I don't think I notice? I don't understand it. It's not avoiding sad, I just don't get sad? Maybe I'm #notthereyet. But sadness has never been a "real" feeling in my mind. Even when I was a kid "sad" was the answer to a feelz question n I knew when it was appropriate to "lie?" and say sad cos like a sad thing happened.

Basically anger is my go to. The above two feelz piss me off so I'm not ever scared or sad. I'm instantly angry that a situation has tried to make me sad or scared.

So yeah. I'm dead inside whatever tho eh

 

[coraxxx]

Can’t stand terror (but frankly who can???). From a certain point I’d dissociate and do everything needed automatically and very fast. Yes, sir. No, sir.

But in day to day?

Abandonment. Once I was ghosted by someone I even wasn’t so much into, and it hurt in places I didn’t even know it existed.

Being ignored by someone who’s just next to me. Another version of abandonment. If I have to start to wait and suddenly have doubts? It can easily spiral if that person responds badly. The abandonment mutes into agitated fear and sadness and can snap to rage. With time I ended up managing it and just write or go for a walk furious instead of acting on it. Or just eating it. That one is generally a thing that stirs up for the entire day and triggers at night.

Being taken for a fool. Oh dear, expect the worst revenge.

And last but not least, what I call the Cold Void. That feeling is so unbearable. It is cold, it is dense, it is empty and unbearable. I wouldn’t say it’s sadness. I don’t know what the f*ck it is but it’s so unbearable that it would be a reason to die. Fortunately it’s very fleeting and never lasted too long.

 

[enough]

Not good with repetitive frustration. Frustration is normal and just a run of the mill frustration like having my tank half full at the gas station when some yahoo parks me in by backing up to the pump in front of me while simultaneously someone else lines up behind me isn't enough to get more than a slow burn going. I want to teach courtesy as a free tutorial but I finish the fill and wait to get out. It could have been worse, I could be in line 4 cars back.
But lose some unimportant piece of paperwork that I merely have to print and sign another copy of to finish my job out 6 times in the same week and i start to think about ways to permanently affix the next one. Silently. While no one is looking.
!0 people on a paddle trip, 5 boats. One boat is always the last to be ready to go. 8 people that would have waited patiently on Friday afternoon are ready to ferry the empty boat across the river and wait patiently downstream while two people have to swim the river to get to their boat after maybe 30 seconds of "why are we waiting this time?"by Saturday afternoon, maybe Sunday morning, but eventually and without fail.
I don't think any of us manage repetitive frustration with aplomb.