Are things getting better w/ acceptance of abuse victims?

prynne

Confident
Is it really less stigmatized to disclose abuse than it used to be? Are victims treated better than they used to be? Is (your) society doing a better job of preventing, noticing, and intervening with abuse?

I was a teenager when #metoo started, so I don't know much about what things used to be like. The way that victims get treated is pretty brutal nowadays, but people often say that it's better than it used to be. I'm wondering what people who are older than me think about that.

Even though I mentioned #metoo, I'm interested in what people think about this for all kinds of abuse, not just sexual. I'm looking for hope for the future, but also honesty
 
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arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i first "came out" in 1968 los angeles, philadelphia and detroit. and i go back and forth on this score constantly. in 1968, we barely had words for any of the ^it^s attached and were mostly disbelieved and/or called harsh names when we attempted find words for ^it^. vocabularies and resources have grown while mindfulness is more common but idiocy still reigns supreme. just how much are you really going to learn from following a twitter stream?

personally, i keep it personal. those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.
 

prynne

Confident
mostly disbelieved and/or called harsh names
This was my experience too, when my stuff was in the news. Well, it was mostly shock and pity and a lot of harsh names and disbelief on the side. The shock and pity are not much better, I think. Shock was on the edge of disbelief and pity from people who don't actually get it makes me feel like the ASPCA commercial two seconds before the channel is changed. "Man, that's horrible! I don't want to see that shit though, get it out of here". Marginally, better than being called a liar, a whore, or a red herring? I think?
idiocy still reigns supreme
😆Yup. I hate it, but it makes me laugh when you say it that way. Somehow the bottom of the barrel determines where we are all going as a collective.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
This was my experience too, when my stuff was in the news.

methinks the media attention adds immeasurable levels to the I.F. (idiot factor). when i had my 20 minutes of media fame, it came complete with the joy of over-hearing complete strangers expostulating on my case. who was on which side of the debate felt irrelevant within the boisterous gossip over highly painful details of my life. i am grateful no one recognized me and i was able to slither out unnoticed. my nightmares during that 20 minutes of fame were epic.

did i say, "idiot" like it was a bad thing? sometimes the idiot is me. my I.F.s seem to be infinite.
compassionate laughter is good medicine, especially when we can laugh at ourselves.
 

NoWhereKnowWhere

MyPTSD Pro
Yes just very slowly. We’re in the backlash period post me too and times up. So I’m predicting things get much hairier in the next few years. They should level out again rinse repeat.
 

prynne

Confident
Yes just very slowly. We’re in the backlash period post me too and times up. So I’m predicting things get much hairier in the next few years. They should level out again rinse repeat.
That makes sense. Ugh, I hope things don't get even hairier. I guess it's all worth it if things are actually getting better. I just wish I weren't in the line of fire. Also, it's disappointing what ended up happening with times up
 

Charbella

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t think they’ve gotten better. I think that it is more widely known that it happens but the stigma still exists. Plus now you get to add that it is in so much TV it’s like they’re trying to normalize it. It it’s not normal. Plus with more attention comes the other side of it, the is the victim
Lying side which just keeps it under scrutiny.
 

prynne

Confident
I don’t think they’ve gotten better. I think that it is more widely known that it happens but the stigma still exists. Plus now you get to add that it is in so much TV it’s like they’re trying to normalize it. It it’s not normal. Plus with more attention comes the other side of it, the is the victim
Lying side which just keeps it under scrutiny.
I think you're right that, as a society, we have the awareness part down, but we need to move on to the next step. I'm not sure what the next step is closer to acceptance. Maybe acceptance is the next step? I've never thought about the TV aspect before; that is interesting.

I agree that the emergence of the whole false accusation movement (the metoo backlash? the shut-the-f*ck-up-you-wanted-it movement?) is holding back the movement of acceptance for people who have experienced sexual abuse and sexual assault. And vice versa. I find it horrible and disappointing because I do feel for people who have been falsely accused and I want justice for them. I just wish so much of their movement didn't seem to just be co-opted by creeps advocating for people to not believe victims. We can coexist. I wish we weren't working against each other like this.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Rape convictions in the UK are at 1.7%. So if you're "lucky" enough to get your rapist to a criminal trial there is 98.3% chance they will walk free. Until that changes, I only have rage at that statistic and the process.

And the definition of rape here in the UK is not as inclusive as it is in the US. Rape is only by a penis. And other item or body part is seen as not as horrific and is a different charge of assault.
Which I think is wrong.

I think there is more talk about it and more calling out. But actual consequences, nothing has changed.
We have MPs accused of rape and sexual harassment and there are no rules in place for them to be sacked.
We have footballers accused of rape who still play.
That tennis star (male) who is awaiting criminal trial for assaulting his partner, still playing.
So consequences: nothing has changed in my opinion.
 

prynne

Confident
Rape convictions in the UK are at 1.7%. So if you're "lucky" enough to get your rapist to a criminal trial there is 98.3% chance they will walk free. Until that changes, I only have rage at that statistic and the process.

And the definition of rape here in the UK is not as inclusive as it is in the US. Rape is only by a penis. And other item or body part is seen as not as horrific and is a different charge of assault.
Which I think is wrong.

I think there is more talk about it and more calling out. But actual consequences, nothing has changed.
We have MPs accused of rape and sexual harassment and there are no rules in place for them to be sacked.
We have footballers accused of rape who still play.
That tennis star (male) who is awaiting criminal trial for assaulting his partner, still playing.
So consequences: nothing has changed in my opinion.
1.7%??? That is so disgusting and pathetic. What, do they need a video of it happening and a signed confession? It is bullshit that someone can only rape with a penis. I thought 50/50 was bad in the US but that really is abysmal. Might as well make it legal at that point for f*ck's sake
 
Is it really less stigmatized to disclose abuse than it used to be? Are victims treated better than they used to be?
Probably in some places. But that brings up the questions "stigmatized by whom?" and "treated better by whom?" Because even if society respects you as a victim, if your family and friends don't then it's not going to mean very much.
Is (your) society doing a better job of preventing, noticing, and intervening with abuse?
In my very specific case, the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trial spotlighted that men can be victims of domestic abuse - IF you weren't just one of the knee-jerks who said "Believe all women" and took Amber Heard's side, which actually required you to not listen to her testimony. And there were plenty of people who didn't bother because it would have destroyed the regular narrative they've used their whole lives: men are perpetrators and women are victims. But I expect when the brouhaha dies down, people will forget again and that regular narrative will return.
 

prynne

Confident
But I expect when the brouhaha dies down, people will forget again and that regular narrative will return.
That cycle drives me crazy. Things are in the news and everyone is acting like they care. A week later, they find something else to pretend to care about and nothing has changed at all. Rinse and repeat
 
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