Ashamed of how little I can do

JRRTG

Learning
In the depths of my depression. I was in a good place, well I thought. I started to date someone, but it just pushed me into the depths of darkness again. I am ashamed of how little I can cope with relationships and how easily they trigger me. So ashamed of how I incapable I am of a relationship. I am working on the shame, but I just can’t get out of this depression darkness. I am losing any happiness I ever had. I just have no joy at all. Crushing.

Any tips to get out of this darkness, especially from those who have suffered a long time, would be so appreciated right now. I just don’t want to be me anymore.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
In the depths of my depression. I was in a good place, well I thought. I started to date someone, but it just pushed me into the depths of darkness again. I am ashamed of how little I can cope with relationships and how easily they trigger me. So ashamed of how I incapable I am of a relationship. I am working on the shame, but I just can’t get out of this depression darkness. I am losing any happiness I ever had. I just have no joy at all. Crushing.

Any tips to get out of this darkness, especially from those who have suffered a long time, would be so appreciated right now. I just don’t want to be me anymore.
When your struggling with a relationship with yourself and your own depression it's very difficult to have romantic relationships.
Would it not be easier to just think of making new friends with people....? Less pressure. When your dealing with loneliness it's better to have several friends rather than just one person that you can have intimate relationships with.

I do understand how you feel, I also have very bad depression at the moment.
 

ALexdeil444

New Here
In the depths of my depression. I was in a good place, well I thought. I started to date someone, but it just pushed me into the depths of darkness again. I am ashamed of how little I can cope with relationships and how easily they trigger me. So ashamed of how I incapable I am of a relationship. I am working on the shame, but I just can’t get out of this depression darkness. I am losing any happiness I ever had. I just have no joy at all. Crushing.

Any tips to get out of this darkness, especially from those who have suffered a long time, would be so appreciated right now. I just don’t want to be me anymore.
I may only be a Teenager but I have a tiny bit of advice .
If you aren’t to ready for a relati just yet then thats fine but that doesn’t mean you can’t take care of yourself , what I find best works for me is to get into a nice routine . Something simple such as making yourself coffee every morning , or reading a book before bed , or maybe listening to one of the same songs every morning . It’ll help leave a selse of security in your life and will help you be less stressed throughout the day , giving you more time to think about other things . You Can also try to keep yourself busy but not over working yourself , it’ll help keep your mind off of all the negative thoughts and leave you feeling accomplished at the end of the day . Making you feel that you have done something with your precious life . Idk just putting my thoughts out there ….

that’s just what works for me , thanks for bearing through that with me …

-Alex 🍄🙃
 

JRRTG

Learning
When your struggling with a relationship with yourself and your own depression it's very difficult to have romantic relationships.
Would it not be easier to just think of making new friends with people....? Less pressure. When your dealing with loneliness it's better to have several friends rather than just one person that you can have intimate relationships with.

I do understand how you feel, I also have very bad depression at the moment.
Oh I didn’t go out looking to date…..he just kind of pushed to date, so I tried it out……I was the one who put a stop to it because it sent me over the edge, but now I’m dealing with that spiral of effects it’s had, triggers, now a deep rabbit hole. I’ve no intention of dating again, especially when this is how I feel. Does that make sense?
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
In it too. I don’t know what to do. Some things I read:
Stretch
One small thing, even if super small
Shower or wipe body with damp cloth
Brush teeth or mouthwash
Turn head from side to side

If you do even one thing consider it a success if you can.
 

StillPen

MyPTSD Pro
@JRRTG, depression can be so paralyzing, at the very least I hope you can let go of the shame of being unable to cope with relationships, at least for right now...even if just for today. Triggers happen for me one time but maybe not the next, the unpredictable nature of them is enough to send me spiraling. Do one nice thing for yourself to help with the shame. You are not the cause of your depression or your triggers. Do one thing in your routine that fights the depression...brush your teeth, hair, or make your bed. Seek a meeting with your T if you have one and share your triggers to alleviate some of the power they have over you right now. I hope any of these help. I hope that simply sharing where you are right now has helped. Gentle hugs if you can accept them.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
i never was able to get over the dating hurdle. i was recently forced into my second parenting career (2019) and found myself triggered to flashback hell to discover that "play dating" is now a thing for children. there was no such thing in my first parenting career (80's and 90's) and? ? ? it still sounds pornographic to me. . . i have tried play dating a couple of times for the children and? ? ? yucko bucko. . . i'm just going to have to find other ways to help these children develop social skills.

i still haven't jumped the dating hurdle, but i'm coming up on my 42nd anniversary. my husband and i found one another during the course of each of us building independent lives we could be proud of. as a result. i married my best friend. he tried dating in high school and college but was not too happy with the results.
 

OliveJewel

MyPTSD Pro
able to get over the dating hurdle.
Not sure I understand what you mean, but part of me thinks they do. It is a hurdle. I’m currently not able to do it—whatever it is—it’s not aligning with my sense of self and family.
and? ? ? it still sounds pornographic to me
I hear you! I struggle with terms like this too. I heard a term for teaching kids called “giving them a provocation”, meaning presenting something that might inspire them to work on a project, for example a news article or short story or video. I mentioned it to my principal and she said it sounded—how did she say?—pornographic? I don’t trust my own judgment about that stuff because of the csa so it helps me to see others’ perspectives.

I remember when my 8yo made friends with a 13yo and my son asked if they could have a play date and the 13yo shamed my son saying he doesn’t do that and I realized how the term play date is associated with younger children. My son wanted to grow up as fast as he could and he quickly tossed aside terms and ideas associated with childhood as soon as he became aware of them!

’ve no intention of dating again,
I understand how you feel. I have no intention of dating again either.
 
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