Justmehere
Sponsor
My entire life people have been giving me crap for having asthma attacks in response to incense and other intense fragrances. What the heck am I supposed to do about this?! Just stop breathing?! I have never shamed another person for whatever they want to use, just left the area and tried to get my ability to breathe back fast. I don't enjoy turning blue. But getting mad at me because I can't breathe?
I don't have asthma attacks often. But when I do it means:
1.) I am really sick already...
or
2.) around some kind of fragrance I am severely allergic to...
or
3.) there is a wildfire nearby!
As a kid, I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, my father yelling I was just anxious (was the yelling supposed to help the alleged anxiety?) and watching my lips turn blue. A family member in the medical profession came to haul me off to a psych hospital but after I passed out trying to meet their demand to walk now, they listened to my lungs. I was then rushed to the ER for an asthma attack. It was the only time a family member apologized. My parents came and still gave me hell for it. Doc gave me an inhaler in the ER, my father gave me more bruises back at home for the trouble.
As an adult, the most recent incident was today. I don't know how to handle this. I hate it. It's rare but every now and then I have to leave a space and try to stop the asthma attack. It's been 16 months since the last time? I avoid telling anyone why unless it's absolutely mandatory I go back into the area and I have to explain why I absolutely can not until it's aired out or something. It feels awful to have to say that. It's been 3 years since I had to tell someone... and it's been 2 times in a few weeks. I hate me. But when I'm standing in the bathroom sucking on an inhaler trying to pull my sleeves down long enough to hide the hives... what else do I do...?
I had to spend time in trauma therapy working on a fear of not being able to breathe. We kept trying to deal with other things, and I kept telling her I would feel like I could breathe but then have a sudden fear I would soon not be able to breathe. We spent sessions with me purposefully holding my inhaler in my hand to remind me I have tool to help me breathe. I'm pretty good at monitoring it and managing it. I don't fear it generally anymore until I'm at that point where I am hanging on to get AIR and in a full-blown asthma attack. Panic is so different. I have the device to measure the difference too between panic and asthma. I'm talking about straight-up asthma in this thread. For me, it's allergic asthma. I can handle perfumes and most cleaners. It's just a handful of room fragrances in the air at a certain level where I am toast. I don't ask the fragrance to stop. I ask that I do not have to go back in and I will make the adjustments to stay in another space so that I can breathe.
It's the legit straight-up OMG I CAN NOT BREATHE I AM GOING TO DIE moments with asthma compounded by humans shaming me when they put together I'm fighting to breathe because I happen to be deathly allergic to a handful (not all) of intense fragrances. I am so ashamed of this. Deeply. Beyond all reason. I get really aggressive allergy care, and there is nothing more I can do. When I was a kid, I would wish myself to not exist. Now? I exist. I wish it didn't feel like a burden on others to exist.
Does anyone deal with this or anything like it?
I don't have asthma attacks often. But when I do it means:
1.) I am really sick already...
or
2.) around some kind of fragrance I am severely allergic to...
or
3.) there is a wildfire nearby!
As a kid, I remember sitting on the bathroom floor, my father yelling I was just anxious (was the yelling supposed to help the alleged anxiety?) and watching my lips turn blue. A family member in the medical profession came to haul me off to a psych hospital but after I passed out trying to meet their demand to walk now, they listened to my lungs. I was then rushed to the ER for an asthma attack. It was the only time a family member apologized. My parents came and still gave me hell for it. Doc gave me an inhaler in the ER, my father gave me more bruises back at home for the trouble.
As an adult, the most recent incident was today. I don't know how to handle this. I hate it. It's rare but every now and then I have to leave a space and try to stop the asthma attack. It's been 16 months since the last time? I avoid telling anyone why unless it's absolutely mandatory I go back into the area and I have to explain why I absolutely can not until it's aired out or something. It feels awful to have to say that. It's been 3 years since I had to tell someone... and it's been 2 times in a few weeks. I hate me. But when I'm standing in the bathroom sucking on an inhaler trying to pull my sleeves down long enough to hide the hives... what else do I do...?
I had to spend time in trauma therapy working on a fear of not being able to breathe. We kept trying to deal with other things, and I kept telling her I would feel like I could breathe but then have a sudden fear I would soon not be able to breathe. We spent sessions with me purposefully holding my inhaler in my hand to remind me I have tool to help me breathe. I'm pretty good at monitoring it and managing it. I don't fear it generally anymore until I'm at that point where I am hanging on to get AIR and in a full-blown asthma attack. Panic is so different. I have the device to measure the difference too between panic and asthma. I'm talking about straight-up asthma in this thread. For me, it's allergic asthma. I can handle perfumes and most cleaners. It's just a handful of room fragrances in the air at a certain level where I am toast. I don't ask the fragrance to stop. I ask that I do not have to go back in and I will make the adjustments to stay in another space so that I can breathe.
It's the legit straight-up OMG I CAN NOT BREATHE I AM GOING TO DIE moments with asthma compounded by humans shaming me when they put together I'm fighting to breathe because I happen to be deathly allergic to a handful (not all) of intense fragrances. I am so ashamed of this. Deeply. Beyond all reason. I get really aggressive allergy care, and there is nothing more I can do. When I was a kid, I would wish myself to not exist. Now? I exist. I wish it didn't feel like a burden on others to exist.
Does anyone deal with this or anything like it?
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