attached too fast to any human that showed me kindness

Status
Not open for further replies.

human007

Policy Enforcement
Most of the time i get attached so fast with someone after just few days of talking. The feeling is so strong but comes with a big abandonment fear as well. Even when i'm actively avoid falling for a relationship. And usually people that i get attached too fast are always people that are too good to be true for me. I mean, it's like almost impossible for them to want me the way i want them. It's like these people are smart, caring, kind, popular, extroverts, have a lot of friends, etc., and i'm nothing like that.

And i know that this attachment feeling aren't real love. This is not love. I don't think love feels this way. Well i don't even know how "real" love feels like but i don't think i can love someone only by talking to them for few days. I feel like i just need this person. I need their attention, their kindness, their presence, because it makes me happy...? i think so.

And even when they are not showing any hint that they are interested with me that way, my brain can't help to make vivid scenarios of my future with them. I don't even know them so well but my brain just make those scenarios in my head. But they are just so kind, so nice, so gentle, very caring and even if they do bare minimum as a human to me, my brain can't help to get attached with them even only with their slightest gesture.

Like it's not so hard for people to make me attached with them. Just being a kind person that understand my fragile heart and that's it .-.
The minute someone opening their arms to hug me and pat my head, that's when my intense idealization of them grow. I will think about them all day long. Waiting for their message anxiously. Wondering why they haven't replied?. And it just so ridiculous. Because i know just because they are being nice, doesn't mean they want to be with me. They have their own life.

And usually, these kind people that i idolize don't even stay long in my life. They'd stay in my life, 1-2 month until they leave. Other case they only stay for few weeks and i realized that their kindness to me is only pure as a stranger wanting to help another stranger and that they would never date me or even become a bestfriend because maybe i'm too much to handle, or they just simply not interested to know me more, or the age gap, the distance, i don't know.

And then another person would just leave me out of nowhere after 1-2 months, like ghosting? For whatever reason is even though i thought the feeling was mutual and even though they were kind and understanding to me.

And then another person would be kind and caring to me for a short period of time and all of sudden deciding not wanting to talk to me anymore, not finding me interesting anymore, not worrying about me anymore. And i will never understand the reason why.

And then i will be super sad and cry for few weeks until the feeling gone and i'm okay again. But then i met someone else showing a kindness to me again and then the pattern will repeat again.

Sometimes i wonder if some people only talk to me only because they pity me. Like, only because they know i have physical and mental illnesses and that i have been through some bad things. And then when they think they have done enough helping me or when i become unbearable, they'd leave me out of nowhere?
I don't even think i do anything that make myself become unbearable. All i do is just texting them and being nice...

I am now just started talking to a new person who is fun to talk to, kind, and caring. But then big possibility we willn't be able to talk for a long time since this person is planning to delete the app where we talk. And the person probably not interested to be closer with me and maybe they already have a partner and maybe they dont care about me and they have their own priority and then i will be sad again once they leave...
I know i shouldn't feel this way and maybe i'm annoying for them 😔

This feeling is so frustating and i can't seem to find the answer how to handle it.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
This feeling is so frustating and i can't seem to find the answer how to handle it.
It must be frustrating and really upsetting.

I'm no expert at all, so obviously ignore this if not helpful: but are you looking for answers and solutions for your problems from other people, rather than from inside yourself?
I.e. maybe learning to love yourself first before trying to find this validation of who you are through your relationship with someone else?
That way: if that relationship works out or not: you're not left with having to rebuild the whole of you again. If that makes sense?
 

human007

Policy Enforcement
It must be frustrating and really upsetting.

I'm no expert at all, so obviously ignore this if not helpful: but are you looking for answers and solutions for your problems from other people, rather than from inside yourself?
I.e. maybe learning to love yourself first before trying to find this validation of who you are through your relationship with someone else?
That way: if that relationship works out or not: you're not left with having to rebuild the whole of you again. If that makes sense?
Hello thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and responding to it, i really appreciate it ☺️

I actually also try to find answers from myself as well. I mostly think this happen because i have BPD, and i never showed or received any kind of love since i was born to this world so i don't know healthy relationship should be and i don't know how love or romance or friendship supposed to work. I never received any kind of kindness from my family, parents, friends and people around me so whenever someone finally being kind to me, my brain can't help but to attach with them.

I try to love myself but it's still hard. And it's not like i eagerly need a partner or someone to validate me. The big big problem is that whenever any human give me kindness, a brief scenario running in my brain and i want the attention and the caring action from this person.

Yes it makes sense! I completely understand what you are talking about :) thank you so much for the suggestion i really appreciate it ☺️

Maybe just think about making friends with people instead of "romance" and trying to sustain those relationships rather than letting your emotions run away with themselves. Hope your ok. 🙂
Hello thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and responding to it, i really appreciate it ☺️
I will try my best to do that. Thank you so much for the suggestion, it means a lot for me ☺️
Thank you! I hope the same for you ☺️
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top