Attachment Difficulties From Early Years Trauma Or Developmental Trauma

[Deleted member 33880]

I thought I would start an attachment thread for all of us struggling to learn how to feel trusting in therapy and be re parented properly.
I know we shall all have different views on this so I am going to encourage us to remember that what works for us, or what our therapist says or does, isn't necessarily going to work for someone else or their therapist might see it completely differently. Anyhow, the whole agony of abandonment and emotional need and feeling alone and being left: all these topics and more could be discussed on this thread.

 

[Nevermore]

I'm happy you started this as I was just thinking about that very issue - attachment theory.
It def makes sense to me and I was almost relieved when I heard about it - it explained so much! But the weird thing with me is since thd onset of cptsd, my style of attachment is different.
All my life I've been nire the anxious people pleaser type, but since my world crashed I'm def avoidant.
That's what I was thinking this morning, how I don't really trust anyone or feel
Close to anyone these days.
It's exhausting.
So obviously the whole attachment thing isn't just in early childhood. We change - or I have anyway!
Being avoidant is kinda lonely

 

[UnKnown-Self]

I believe the necessary step is self acceptance. I don't think it's an epiphany or a paradigm shift in thinking either. It's constant exhausting work. I don't mean that to sound negative or hopeless. I just think it's more than being aware of our thought process or feelings. It's eating food that is good for our body. Taking time to exercise and do some yoga and cardio. Meditation is key as well. Along with therapy and writing so we not only release the pain but take time to give back by supporting others. I know, I KNOW.
But the body is working overtime to handle the stress toxins. When our brain is continually pumping the hormones that are only meant for times of rare crisis, those hormones collect in our muscles and organs and encourage arthritis and a long list of other auto immune diseases.
Now what does this have to do with feelings of abandonment and attachment issues? A lot actually. Speaking for myself I think that's why I keep spinning my wheels. While I am doing all the mental and emotional work, I don't exercise and I enjoy riding my cruiser with the extra wide seat. I eat crap and I only leave the house when I have to. We have to work on the collective mind, spirit and body because it all suffers the damage. We refuse to love ourselves and wonder why others don't. We treat ourselves like crap and cry foul when others do it to us as well.
What we want is to go back to the beginning and have a life of love and support. Well that train has left the station and we can sit there in the past or fight for ourselves. I'm not saying this is easy. Oh no. It's hard as hell but I believe it to be true and I will never know unless I try.

 

[Sideways]

I have DID, and the funny (that's 'odd' funny, not 'haha' funny) thing is that all of my parts (that I know of) have major attachment issues, so nowhere up there in my noggin does there exist a part that does healthy attachment (how awesome for me). But weirdly, they have different attachment issues, and to varying degrees.

When I try wrapping my head around that, I just end up going cross-eyed!

 

[Snowflake]

Boy do I such attachment issues. I crave to be close to anyone but most importantly my therapist. The little girl within me dreams she will wrap me in her arms and take me home. My adult me can't trust her at all-waiting and watching and listening everything she does and says. If something doesn't seem right I think she hates me and I will be punished.i am soooo little in her office-hugging a pillow in fetal position, and I don't look at her-fear of punishment and disappointment, and when she goes away (like now for 5 days) I feel she abandoned me, and doesn't care . Boy do I want her to care

 

[Crow]

T told me a few weeks ago that I am reorganizing my disorganized attachment. Made me laugh but I see the truth in the words. This is what all the hard work has been for.

 

[Rumors]

Gosh I had a hard day with that myself today. Went to see him, got in to some really bad history and just knew he would say "can't help ya...leave" Do you ever just feel like a burden? That is how I feel. Plus I never really leave it all on the table. I always hold back. I never cry either. If I think I could cry I just cancel. If I feel that badly I think I need to keep to myself.
BUT! I have that same feeling that it would be awesome if he said "come hang with me..." I do feel safe with him most of the time unless I am having irrational thoughts. I have certainly been someone who has never really needed much from anyone...ever.... So thinking about letting someone in is equally scary. Today was rough and residually I am feeling like I shouldn't have shared so much....

 

[Snowflake]

Gosh I had a hard day with that myself today. Went to see him, got in to some really bad history and jus...

I have those days too -I shut down once I feel I said too much, panic, apologize, give her permission to punish me-it sucks -I am sorry.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

Putting all the healing collectively aside, I don't like getting close to people because of my attachment issues. I just have no concept of what is .... Right.
Plus I'm too changeable, too inconsistent.
There is something so rawly basic about a child/baby's need for nurturing and bonding. It's primal and to have abuse in its place that cause fragmenting . I just want to curl up and get oh so tiny ... So teeny tiny no one would see me. I would be too small for the pain and brokenness to find me.

 

[Rumors]

I have those days too -I shut down once I feel I said too much, panic, apologize, give her permission...

Thank you for commisserating at least. I don't feel quite so alone. I hate to whine and have a pity party either but I am certainly feeling alone tonight.

 

[UnKnown-Self]

You are not alone @Rumors, we have all been there, are there and return there. :hug:

 

[ladee]

And are there NOW... but it always changes.. sometimes if I work my self half to death doing what we know to do... and other times, it just goes into something more manageable....I think I shared yesterday that my depression is depressed !!!! It changes, I have changed... If it didn't, and we didn't have better times, and those to look forward to, I wouldn't be here. Neither would the rest of you... so we just have to keep telling each other... hang in there, it gets better, or it gets different. We are not alone... and that, as sad as it is for me to know that any of you ever feel what I do, that I know I am not alone....
This bitchin' day is almost over.. a new day tomorrow... and hopefully we will all be here for each other and do this all again... with hope !!! Hugs to each and every one of you... but sure wish one of you lived close enough to drop by and we could have coffee and find something ridiculously funny about today....