Avoidance & Killing Myself Slowly

E

eh2000

At the age of 20 I was hit by a drunk driver and am now permanently disabled, living with an endless list of injuries both physical and mental. The PTSD from the 8 months I spent living in hospital haunts me every single day and will do forever.

I say living but I don't really mean. I haven't lived since the day it happened I have only attempted to survive. The only way I can do this is through avoidance as if I really sit down, acknowledge this black cloud around me and realise what has happened to my life I wont be able to cope.

I am now 22 and still wishing every day away. All I do is avoid thinking about how much I hate my life and I do so through the most unhealthy coping mechanisms. Drugs, partying and casual sex isn't going to undo what happened that day so why do I continue to do all of it all of the time. It's getting me no where but I just cannot stop.

I feel like I am killing myself slowly and there is no way out.
Any healthy coping mechanisms out there?
 
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Roland

Confident
It's hard to tell what exact type of coping mechanism you are asking for. Is it to replace drugs, partying, and casual sex?

One thing I will say though, is that you probably need an outlet. A hobby, something you can do, focus on. Maybe something artistic, like writing or painting, if you aren't the creative type, you still need something to care about. I'm not sure what type of physical or mental disabilities you have, so that's definitely something that can inhibit what you do.

It sounds like you've had your life severely disrupted due to that event, it's really hard to create a new sense of self and identity, but it definitely can be done.

As much as I hate people, I will also say it's easier to get better if you're around people that are getting better. Shared experiences, you can learn from each other. On the contrary, if you hang out with people in the same drugs, partying, and casual sex loop that you find yourself in, it'll be very hard to break, if not impossible.
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
Any healthy coping mechanisms out there?
I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine how painful this is for you. I guess when I was able to turn myself around is when I could imagine who I wanted to be - given my new limitations. I read the book 'Man's Search For Meaning' and it helped me realize that I was like a vacant ship drifting in the ocean, until I recognized what my new purpose could be.

Have you been able to determine a meaning in this tragedy that happened to you? Can you advocate for others that this has happened to? Encourage young people like yourself who have come across tragedy that has derailed their lives? Can there be a purpose that you can create a better world for others because of your experience?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello eh. welcome to the forum.

there are tons of healthy coping mechanisms. something for every taste, need and personality type. have you tried any? knowing what doesn't work for you is quite helpful in finding what does work. there is always considerable trial and error involved in finding what works for you.

gentle support while you sort. sharing your results here could go along way toward helping you understand the process.

welcome aboard.
 

Soleil

New Here
Therapy has helped me to learn healthy (and helpful!) Coping mechanisms.

I'm almost 5yrs after the accident resulting in a TBI that has disabled me physically and mentally so I know some of what you're going through.

I STILL haven't gotten to full acceptance of my 'new normal' but I'm workin on it 😁

Hth and GL! You got this! 💪💕
 

Friday

Moderator
Drugs, partying and casual sex isn't going to undo what happened that day so why do I continue to do all of it all of the time.
The ability to choose what emotion(s) you’re feeling, when, & for how long; blowing off steam, &/or take a break from overactive senses (by way of sensory overload), exactly as social as you care to be at any moment (from blissfully alone in a crowd, to reveling in a sense of belonging, interest/engagement, & togetherness, on demand); whilst grounding yourself in the finely tuned moment of “now” -good sex is a complex conversation without words, and great sex a symphony- whilst also (even if only for an infinity of moments/hours/heartbeats/days) forging real/honest connection with another?

Gee.

Why would anyone want those things in their life? 😎

Yes. There are absolutely healthier ways to achieve those things.

But there are also very real/vital/necessary needs/wants/desires being filled by them.

IME stepping away from “nuclear coping mechanisms” means sourcing out ALL that my unhealthy coping mechanisms do for me… the above just the tip of the iceberg… and sourcing those components, elsewhere.

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.

Okay! Less lethal alternatives, needed! Snort. Or at least wanted. C’mon self. No one knows you better than you. Let’s work this shit out.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Okay! Less lethal alternatives, needed! Snort. Or at least wanted. C’mon self. No one knows you better than you. Let’s work this shit out.
Yup. After whatever happens to you you have two choices:

1. Feel sorry for yourself and focus on what you can't do.
2. Get on with it, figure out what you can do, get help and learn to cope and move on.

Pretty much everyone with PTSD has some self destructive coping mechanisms. It's normal. Your brain doesn't work normally and coping at times? You use what you can to get back on track. But make it about that, about getting back on track. Yes to some it seems crazy but the way your brain works? Isn't normal so you do crazy seeming stuff to get on top of things.

So.....choose to continue as you are OR choose to find help. When you find help you can learn to cope better and begin to move on with life. Will all your self destructive habits just stop? No. But you can learn to use them to help get back from out of control to manageable.

Myself - the last month has been tough. Very long trauma - very long anniversary, with lots of crap to deal with every day and going from good to not good whenever, in minutes sometimes. Self destructive habits - holy crap. My doc is gong to crap all over me when I see her in a couple weeks for a physical. But I don't care. General health is OK. Not having those coping things will send me to depression and SI and kill me a lot faster than having them will destroy my health.
 
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