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Avoidance of the topic of avoidance

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KwanYingirl

MyPTSD Pro
my inspiration for this thread is the fact that very few threads created under the Avoidace category. If you see that many categories have thousands of threads, whereas Aoidance has only a couple hundred. I think this is interesting in that avoidance of memories or thought of them is one of the criteria of PTSD as described in the DSM. A defining trait of PTSD and not much written about. So that speaks to me because I am the queen of avoidance, much of it through my unconsciousness. I’m betting that Ithis is a tricky subject for most of us..

Hindsight is 20/20 they say and I can see how much of life I have avoided. Simple things like not wearing pants that zip up. That is a huge trait of mine. I wear dresses mostly, and elastic waistband pants. Or staring straight ahead with a death grip on my steering wheel when I go by a wooded area that upsets me because it reminds me of being raped in the woods. I could go on and on with examples.

I don’t know how to reduce my avoidance except to say that I am finally aware that I am this way and I’ve asked my t to help me at least face my fears, talk it out, challenge myself to take action and work out strategies to gain some mastery of this.
 
I avoid so much so often that I don't realize I do it until I'm called out on it.

My biggest thing is I avoid anything that may result in failure. I have this deep seeded fear of failure, therefore I don't attempt anything ,even if it's likely I will succeed at it. I also avoid all reminders of my trauma - from places, to people, to things, to sounds,etc.

I live in the apartment where my most recent assault occurred and avoid all of it with dissociation.
 
@KerriJ you might like videos by Tara Brach. She is a psychologist who is a practicing Buddhist. She offers a class every week in Bethesda, MD and they tape it and put it on YouTube. She has one titled Healing the Fear Body. There are many to choose from. She talks about a problem many people have, then explains the psychology of it, why we act the way we act, then teaches an exercise using mindfulness, acceptance, etc. she is a wonderful speaker with a sense of humor.
 
I avoid the stupidest little things. Anything that reminds me of my childhood, and specifically, my mother. Scents, in particular. Doublemint gum. Jergens lotion. Lilacs. I didn't even realize that I was avoiding these things until recently.

There are so many things I can't avoid, though. Umpteen triggers a day. I wonder what life will be like when I'm no longer in a constant state of alert.
 
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Are you ok, mum? ***hug***
Thank you @Mal Content , hug gratefully accepted. I'm actually having the hardest night I've had in here, in terms of being triggered, feeling unsafe and hiding and avoiding. I'm nearly through my 2nd week of a 3 week trauma program and it's been a rough day, coupled with the fact that the one nurse on tonight who, last week behaved unethically and who's behaviour seriously let me, us, down, is on tonight and I'm hiding in my room to avoid her, she frightens me and other patients who know her from past admissions haven't helped with their horror stories about her.

It's a good program though and most of the staff are really good and I'm being treated in here by a resident psychiatrist who is just my inpatients psych but that's better than.nothing because I don't have one at all otherwise.
 
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