Avoiding anything medical for fear of death diagnosis.

Nano

New Here
Anyone avoid doctors at all costs? Afraid they’re dying but can’t go get the diagnosis? Been like this for 40 years. Just realizing it is PTSD. I need help.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Hi there, I guess this is a bit captain obvious, but do you have a diagnose of PTSD?

I can relate to what you’re saying as I deliberately ignore medical problems until I’m forced to go to the ER or something, it’s quite inconsistent but I’m quite worried I’ll be told I’m gonna die. Generally when I manage to go I then stall before any further examination.

Worries like this can also be caused by Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I have been diagnosed with too) and it’s often co-morbid of PTSD.

What I tend to do is to wait for a window and take an online appointment then tell a friend that I have this appointment and make me go. Now that I’m living alone this hasn’t really been possible (I find it bizarre to do that with my roommates), but writing here has helped me to check in what I’m supposed to do instead of just seeing a butterfly and invent some excuse as not to go.

But I think the best thing you could do is to go and see a therapist. These won’t tell you that you’re gonna die. You don’t need a diagnose. And they can help you with the avoidance.

I hope this helps.
 

Nano

New Here
Hi there, I guess this is a bit captain obvious, but do you have a diagnose of PTSD?

I can relate to what you’re saying as I deliberately ignore medical problems until I’m forced to go to the ER or something, it’s quite inconsistent but I’m quite worried I’ll be told I’m gonna die. Generally when I manage to go I then stall before any further examination.

Worries like this can also be caused by Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I have been diagnosed with too) and it’s often co-morbid of PTSD.

What I tend to do is to wait for a window and take an online appointment then tell a friend that I have this appointment and make me go. Now that I’m living alone this hasn’t really been possible (I find it bizarre to do that with my roommates), but writing here has helped me to check in what I’m supposed to do instead of just seeing a butterfly and invent some excuse as not to go.

But I think the best thing you could do is to go and see a therapist. These won’t tell you that you’re gonna die. You don’t need a diagnose. And they can help you with the avoidance.

I hope this helps.
Thank you for your reply.
I have not been formally diagnosed with PTSD. I have been to therapists and psychiatrists for many many years. Nothing really seems to help. I’ve been reading about PTSD and I seem to fit the bill. When I was 12 my oldest sister got sick. I watched for four years her get sicker. I remember her being carried out of the house and me thinking I would never see her again. I was right. She died. That was 4 decades ago. I’ve been waiting to die now for a very long time. It terrifies me to go to drs or watch medical shows. I live in a constant state of worry. Which gives me physical symptoms which makes matters worse. I’m just so tired of being afraid. Pushing people away. Always irritable because I’m always worrying. No one seems to understand. My mother died two years ago and since then things have gotten worse.
I would go see a therapist but where I live you have to wear a mask. I just can’t do that. anyway, thanks for listening.
 

Nano

New Here
Would teletherapy be an option?
It sounds like a cop out but I’m too self conscious to do that. I need to be with the person and see them. And I tend to have a general distrust of people so I need to be there to read them better. But honestly, thank you for the suggestion.
 

Nano

New Here
Hi there, I guess this is a bit captain obvious, but do you have a diagnose of PTSD?

I can relate to what you’re saying as I deliberately ignore medical problems until I’m forced to go to the ER or something, it’s quite inconsistent but I’m quite worried I’ll be told I’m gonna die. Generally when I manage to go I then stall before any further examination.

Worries like this can also be caused by Generalized Anxiety Disorder (which I have been diagnosed with too) and it’s often co-morbid of PTSD.

What I tend to do is to wait for a window and take an online appointment then tell a friend that I have this appointment and make me go. Now that I’m living alone this hasn’t really been possible (I find it bizarre to do that with my roommates), but writing here has helped me to check in what I’m supposed to do instead of just seeing a butterfly and invent some excuse as not to go.

But I think the best thing you could do is to go and see a therapist. These won’t tell you that you’re gonna die. You don’t need a diagnose. And they can help you with the avoidance.

I hope this helps.
I just contacted my GP and asked her if she knew any therapists.
 

Mach123

MyPTSD Pro
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with distrusting doctors and the medical establishment in general. My foster brother, as I refer to him, went to MIT on a full boat and you can’t fake that, gotta be pretty smart. Smarter arguably than most of the doctors, and he avoids them like the plague. I always trusted my doctors till I got a cancer diagnosis in 2019. It’s prostate cancer so I get to wait and see. I get a blood test every 3 months. I hate getting the results but so far, I’ve been lucky. I wish you luck but in not trusting them? I think you are in good company.
 

Nano

New Here
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with distrusting doctors and the medical establishment in general. My foster brother, as I refer to him, went to MIT on a full boat and you can’t fake that, gotta be pretty smart. Smarter arguably than most of the doctors, and he avoids them like the plague. I always trusted my doctors till I got a cancer diagnosis in 2019. It’s prostate cancer so I get to wait and see. I get a blood test every 3 months. I hate getting the results but so far, I’ve been lucky. I wish you luck but in not trusting them? I think you are in good company.
I will go see a homeopath because she, first of all doesn’t touch me, and second, she listens. and then recommends supplements. I get anxious when I go but I can get myself there most of the time. Although lately it is getting tough.
My Dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer over thirty years ago. He had radiation therapy. He is 94 and still with us.
Best to you!
 

siniang

MyPTSD Pro
I have this massively.

It's part of the 'sense of forshortened future' that is a common symptom for people with PTSD. As Corax has pointed out, it also shows up in other disorders such as GAD (and can be it's own full disorder as Illness Anxiety Disorder, aka hypochondrias).

I don't so much distrust medical staff as a general rule, rather, that I have too much experience of not being taken seriously, and if only that anxiety part of mine. Too many doctors dismissed my fears. Yes, I physically may be fine, but the anxiety is still doing a number on me so you need to approach my concerns differently than "it's really unlikely". A NP picked up on that a few years ago and while I really had no clinical pointers to anything iniquitous, she noticed it would help my anxiety to actually run that test to confirm this that otherwise I wouldn't have gotten because...well...no clinical pointers.

I avoid medical visits because I'm always afraid to hear something bad. What does help me though is

a) being quite diligant on routine check ups instead of waiting until someting suspicious catches my attention
b) if something suspicious catches my attention, I usually spiral into a freak out, sometimes immediately, sometimes it builds up over a few days. I start doing a SHIT ton of online research, factual-scientific AND actual personal accords, and check my symptoms against that. I do that even if I've researched the same topic in the past, because info can change, my memory could be wrong etc. So I do a LOT of self-assessment and evaluation whether my concerns are indeed warranted. It either helps me calm down.... or I freak out completely and it's usually then when I actually pick up that phone and try to schedule an appointment for *immediately*. If I can get in on a short notice, I usually manage to follow through because I'm still in that freak-out stage and more on an autopilot-overthink-less-sheer-flight mode. If the appointment wouldn't be for another few days or even weeks, I tend to bail because by now my anxiety brain had had time to catch up and working itself into conviction that the doctor is gonna confirm what it's convinced it already knows and that it's too late anyways...

If that makes sense?

For me it's massively that I'm convinced I shouldn't actually be alive anymore but I still am and that I somehow have dodged so many bullets over the years (pretty much never been sick as a child/teen, for example) and I'm somehow cheating fate, so eventually, it's gonna hit to restore balance to how things are supposed to be.

And no, a therapist has not been any help with that for me. BUT, I agree with the others that you should try to get into therapy, especially if you suspect you have PTSD, because there's more layers to that.
 

Nano

New Here
That is exactly what happens to me! If I have to wait a few days I cancel! I actually got a concierge dr who told me I could come in every two months just to check in with any concerns. Then COVID hit and there went that plan!
My dr says being afraid of drs is common. I tell her I’m not afraid of her, I’m afraid of the diagnosis she is going to give me. My anxiety is so high when I think I’m dying. Imagine what will happen to me when you tell me I’m correct!

I woke up once and my breast was red and swollen and painful. I actually went in that morning. (Wow,huh?) she told it was mastitis but wanted to send me for a mammogram. I told her if I do that it will just lead to more tests and more tests and I will be panicking and in a fetal position. After mammogram had to go for ultrasound. Then a biopsy! And not even in the breast with the mastitis. But the problem was it took six weeks for breast dr to get my old scans (COVID delay) before she decided if I needed a biopsy. I just about died during all this time. Biopsy was benign. But I probably lost years off my life with all the worrying.

thanks for sharing and listening. I have never known anyone who had this as bad as me. Good to know I’m not alone.
I have not been formally diagnosed with PTSD but I felt God leading me to look into it.
I’m going to get help for it. Better late than never.

I have this massively.

It's part of the 'sense of forshortened future' that is a common symptom for people with PTSD. As Corax has pointed out, it also shows up in other disorders such as GAD (and can be it's own full disorder as Illness Anxiety Disorder, aka hypochondrias).

I don't so much distrust medical staff as a general rule, rather, that I have too much experience of not being taken seriously, and if only that anxiety part of mine. Too many doctors dismissed my fears. Yes, I physically may be fine, but the anxiety is still doing a number on me so you need to approach my concerns differently than "it's really unlikely". A NP picked up on that a few years ago and while I really had no clinical pointers to anything iniquitous, she noticed it would help my anxiety to actually run that test to confirm this that otherwise I wouldn't have gotten because...well...no clinical pointers.

I avoid medical visits because I'm always afraid to hear something bad. What does help me though is

a) being quite diligant on routine check ups instead of waiting until someting suspicious catches my attention
b) if something suspicious catches my attention, I usually spiral into a freak out, sometimes immediately, sometimes it builds up over a few days. I start doing a SHIT ton of online research, factual-scientific AND actual personal accords, and check my symptoms against that. I do that even if I've researched the same topic in the past, because info can change, my memory could be wrong etc. So I do a LOT of self-assessment and evaluation whether my concerns are indeed warranted. It either helps me calm down.... or I freak out completely and it's usually then when I actually pick up that phone and try to schedule an appointment for *immediately*. If I can get in on a short notice, I usually manage to follow through because I'm still in that freak-out stage and more on an autopilot-overthink-less-sheer-flight mode. If the appointment wouldn't be for another few days or even weeks, I tend to bail because by now my anxiety brain had had time to catch up and working itself into conviction that the doctor is gonna confirm what it's convinced it already knows and that it's too late anyways...

If that makes sense?

For me it's massively that I'm convinced I shouldn't actually be alive anymore but I still am and that I somehow have dodged so many bullets over the years (pretty much never been sick as a child/teen, for example) and I'm somehow cheating fate, so eventually, it's gonna hit to restore balance to how things are supposed to be.

And no, a therapist has not been any help with that for me. BUT, I agree with the others that you should try to get into therapy, especially if you suspect you have PTSD, because there's more layers to that.
And I also wonder how I’m still alive. I’ve never been sick. But right now I have symptoms that are freaking me out.
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
Ah shit, I did get something in the breasts too and despite knowing it was almost impossible for someone 19 years old at the time to have breast cancer...

I somehow went to the hospital (it was just next to my house so that helped) and they run the tests

Then it was f*cking POSITIVE for cancer. They called back a few hours later to say it was a mistake and they swapped with someone else.

The only thing I did learn from it was that weirdly enough I didn't freak out. I just started to say goodbye to everything, the sun, the shrubs, all of it.

So yeah that worst nightmare came true. And then untrue. It didn't cure the fear. And I still have to beat myself up to get my feet in a hospital. Weirdly enough psychiatry is excluded from that specific fear but I guess that's because I can't die of a disorder that is already existing. So, starting from there.
 

Nano

New Here
that’s bitter sweet. I sometimes wonder if when I get the diagnosis it will be a relief to get it over with. But still, don’t want it.
blessings.
 
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