Frostheaved
Learning
With the quarantine well under way and me still living with my formerly-more-abusive family members (namely my mom and brother), I've noticed that I've gone into full Avoidance Mode. My mom and I come into conflict most times we are together; she's a confrontational person, even going out of her way to be so, and has endless criticism for all to her. I mostly stay in my room upstairs, as the open-floor-themed downstairs is more her territory. I normally only go down to eat and do chores, or do whatever she asks me to. Thankfully she has work, so mostly she stays quiet doing her stuff and wants to be left alone. I've found myself tip-toeing around, opening doors and things softly, speaking quietly, and in general trying to make as little noise as possible.
However little I already come into contact with my family is not enough. Any short contact can be prolonged into longer contact, which means more confrontation, which means more hurt feelings mostly on my end because from what I can tell she doesn't feel anything except that she's so great. So I am constantly seeking ways of slimming those margins of contact down.
I consider the bathroom mostly a safe place, since as long as you're not trapped with anyone else in there you're pretty darn good. For that reason and that doing laundry is already mostly automated, I don't mind doing laundry or hanging clothes. It can be done fast, especially if the load mostly consists of shirts, and mostly away from harm.
Another of my chores is scooping dog poop outside. Since it's out in the yard and more of a weekly thing, I don't consider it a high priority to figure out. I mostly frustratedly daydream while juggling poop, and there's not a way I can think of to expedite the necessary evil.
A chore I have taken to the cutting block is dishwashing. My mom doesn't believe in dishwashers and while I hate dishwashing I am the second-best dishwasher in the house (second only to her, of course). I realized that ordinarily, with everyone home all day everyday, we use a lot of dishes. I realized that if I decrease my usage of dishes, I have a lot fewer dishes to wash in the long run and wash dishes more infrequently as well which means either less time for potential confrontation or more infrequent chances for it. Another thing is... I have bad teeth, which my mom loves to remind me about when she feels like it. With the quarantine on, there's not really a chance to go to the dentist, so I also feel anxious about my risk of getting new cavities and that sort. I realized that if I eat less, I would not only decrease the number of dishes I use, but I would also 1) spend less time filling my mouth with sugar, which means fewer opportunities to get cavities and less crap to clean off my teeth overall, and therefore 2) cut down the time I spend downstairs eating and attracting confrontation. Plus, I am mostly sedentary, so it's not like I need the calories or anything...
About food, I've been doing it very strategically. I've been making only one cup of coffee in the morning, and have slowly been decreasing the amount of sweetener to the point where, now, my coffee is more bitter than I've ever tolerated in my life, but I don't mind it at all. And now I know that my brother uses way more spoons of sweetener than he admits he does!! (Which my mom doesn't fuss about ofc, because he's her special egg.) I've found that I'm eating more healthily, because I know I'm not snacking throughout the day. Fun fact: I've gotten a taste for PB & banana slices sandwiches! The banana really livens up the peanut butter. The coffee and peanut butter work to keep me feeling not ravenously hungry, which means I don't miss eating more. I haven't noticed a decrease in positive mood or anything. I'm pretty stressed out with school being more complicated to deal with online and being on my guard in the house. I used to deal with stress by stuffing my face with candy. Now with not being able to leave the house, I can't get candy. But with my newly implemented strategies, I find that I'm not missing it. I store a lot of snacks in my room, ready to fuel me during the apocalypse or whatever, but I'm not tempted to eat them anytime soon. I even forget about them sometimes. I just go about the routine I've given myself.
I'm sorry, y'all can probably discern that I have several bushels of salt towards my family. I didn't have a question or anything, just wanted to vent and see if anyone has feedback. Rereading this, I'm tempted to rename my post "The ravings of an anxious person". lol
However little I already come into contact with my family is not enough. Any short contact can be prolonged into longer contact, which means more confrontation, which means more hurt feelings mostly on my end because from what I can tell she doesn't feel anything except that she's so great. So I am constantly seeking ways of slimming those margins of contact down.
I consider the bathroom mostly a safe place, since as long as you're not trapped with anyone else in there you're pretty darn good. For that reason and that doing laundry is already mostly automated, I don't mind doing laundry or hanging clothes. It can be done fast, especially if the load mostly consists of shirts, and mostly away from harm.
Another of my chores is scooping dog poop outside. Since it's out in the yard and more of a weekly thing, I don't consider it a high priority to figure out. I mostly frustratedly daydream while juggling poop, and there's not a way I can think of to expedite the necessary evil.
A chore I have taken to the cutting block is dishwashing. My mom doesn't believe in dishwashers and while I hate dishwashing I am the second-best dishwasher in the house (second only to her, of course). I realized that ordinarily, with everyone home all day everyday, we use a lot of dishes. I realized that if I decrease my usage of dishes, I have a lot fewer dishes to wash in the long run and wash dishes more infrequently as well which means either less time for potential confrontation or more infrequent chances for it. Another thing is... I have bad teeth, which my mom loves to remind me about when she feels like it. With the quarantine on, there's not really a chance to go to the dentist, so I also feel anxious about my risk of getting new cavities and that sort. I realized that if I eat less, I would not only decrease the number of dishes I use, but I would also 1) spend less time filling my mouth with sugar, which means fewer opportunities to get cavities and less crap to clean off my teeth overall, and therefore 2) cut down the time I spend downstairs eating and attracting confrontation. Plus, I am mostly sedentary, so it's not like I need the calories or anything...
About food, I've been doing it very strategically. I've been making only one cup of coffee in the morning, and have slowly been decreasing the amount of sweetener to the point where, now, my coffee is more bitter than I've ever tolerated in my life, but I don't mind it at all. And now I know that my brother uses way more spoons of sweetener than he admits he does!! (Which my mom doesn't fuss about ofc, because he's her special egg.) I've found that I'm eating more healthily, because I know I'm not snacking throughout the day. Fun fact: I've gotten a taste for PB & banana slices sandwiches! The banana really livens up the peanut butter. The coffee and peanut butter work to keep me feeling not ravenously hungry, which means I don't miss eating more. I haven't noticed a decrease in positive mood or anything. I'm pretty stressed out with school being more complicated to deal with online and being on my guard in the house. I used to deal with stress by stuffing my face with candy. Now with not being able to leave the house, I can't get candy. But with my newly implemented strategies, I find that I'm not missing it. I store a lot of snacks in my room, ready to fuel me during the apocalypse or whatever, but I'm not tempted to eat them anytime soon. I even forget about them sometimes. I just go about the routine I've given myself.
I'm sorry, y'all can probably discern that I have several bushels of salt towards my family. I didn't have a question or anything, just wanted to vent and see if anyone has feedback. Rereading this, I'm tempted to rename my post "The ravings of an anxious person". lol