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Avoiding Work, People, and Situations Because My Feelings Get Easily Hurt

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Awakening

MyPTSD Pro
At my last therapy session a week and half ago my therapist set the challenge for me to reduce my internet usage (and other avoidance mechanisms) in order to participate in real life.

She said I used tools to avoid something. We weren't sure what it is.

Well I started by breaking down my days and setting certain tasks to complete. It's actually worked reasonably well, I'm a bit surprised by what I've been able to acheive, and that technically I am capable of performing certain duties.

However, whilst I'm ticking the boxes, I am emotionally/psychologically wrecked. I'm not doing to badly with symptoms and I've drunk a little bit too much on two nights, and one night of suicide ideation. Overall pretty good.

My problem is that I am super sensitive. I'm getting through the days but in break times I'm going to a toilet & sobbing. Then getting back on with it.

I get so easily hurt and offended. If someone asks me a question I think they have no faith in my ability to perform the task. If a meeting is held and it is stated that some people abuse mobile phones I assume it's about me and cry. If someone stands up and says that certain members of my team act like prima donnas, I cry even though logically I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be me. If someone asks why I do something a certain way I start to doubt myself and get overcome with anxiety.

I also cry because I can't believe how difficult it is to do the tasks that were once easy. I can do them but it hurts to do them.

I'm not sure what to do as I have to work the weekend and have a busy start to the week. I determined to follow through on my commitments though.

But I'm not sure about all this crying. Should I just keep taking breaks to allow the tears out? Note what the feelings are? Or should I try & stop the tears so I don't get myself so worked up.

I realise that I've be avoiding work, social situations, people because under no circumstances do I want my feelings to get hurt. However mild the perceived insult might be, I want to avoid hurt feelings at all costs.

It seems that someone hurting my feelings with a combination of feeling misunderstood or unsupported is some sort of trigger for me?

My confidence is very low right now.

I need some help untangling this.
 
Learning new things, and new ways to cope is difficult. It's change, and we don't do change well. It is bringing us out of OUR comfort zone, and it is upsetting. I think this is a great thing your therapist is doing, and as hard as it is, stick with it.

I also understand not wanting to have your feelings hurt. It isn't a nice feeling, but isn't that avoiding?????? You are human and we have feelings...All of us, and we all have our feeling hurt at times.

I think trying to find out why you don't like to have your feelings hurt would be a great place to start. No one likes to have their feelings hurt, but it sounds like it may be a trigger for you....

Great job on following through and making a promise to do this. I know that change is hard.....
 
I get so easily hurt and offended. If someone asks me a question I think they have no faith in my ability to perform the task. If a meeting is held and it is stated that some people abuse mobile phones I assume it's about me and cry. If someone stands up and says that certain members of my team act like prima donnas, I cry even though logically I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be me. If someone asks why I do something a certain way I start to doubt myself and get overcome with anxiety.


Hi Awakening,

THAT is so me!!!! Except I don't cry about it, I get angry to deal with the hurt. (I wish I could cry).

Anyway, I wish I had some advice on how to deal with this, I think there are others here who would be able to help you more than I but I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your thought process.

Best,
Rachel
 
Be assertive

Hi Awakening,

I think I might have some advice on this one, but you can take it or leave it. Instead of assuming it's you they are talking about. Just come straight out and ask them. Tell them you are not a mind reader and you want to know who these people are and if it is you, then you want to correct the mistake.

Accusing anonymous people is BS in my opinion. It shows that they don't have the backbone to approach the person abusing the mobile phone or the prima donnas. That is their problem not yours, and they shouldn't make it your problem. It causes gossip and conflict so it is their job to approach those people and tell them straight out.

I hate that when people say "some people" bla bla bla. Just have a back bone and state who they are, or approach them in private. It's BS and I won't tolerate it anymore if I think they are referring to me, and you shouldn't have to either.

I know it's your job and you don't want to cause trouble, but it might be well worth the effort to mention this to them. I would say I have enough things to worry about, and I don't need the added stress of who is abusing mobile phone and acting like prima donnas.

Oh, I almost forgot this. I moderate a group and I had to mention that "some people" are posting improper material. Then I had a lot of members wondering if it was them I was talking about. I should have went straight to the source in private and told the person who was doing it to avoid the problem of everyone else having to figure it out.

Good luck with this
Tammy


My problem is that I am super sensitive. I'm getting through the days but in break times I'm going to a toilet & sobbing. Then getting back on with it.

I get so easily hurt and offended. If someone asks me a question I think they have no faith in my ability to perform the task. If a meeting is held and it is stated that some people abuse mobile phones I assume it's about me and cry. If someone stands up and says that certain members of my team act like prima donnas, I cry even though logically I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be me. If someone asks why I do something a certain way I start to doubt myself and get overcome with anxiety.
 
I'm very sensitive too and whenever my boss says something at work, I always think it's me that's done something wrong when it might not have anything to do with me at all but she just wants me to know something. I am pretty sure she knows I'm so sensitive because I get defensive all the time.
 
I would recommend to you that you undertake some physically demanding sporting tasks, such as, indoor climbing or the like, something that is fun yet physically demanding that you feel a sense of achievement on completion, even so that you reach the bottom and do it again, again and again. Pushing yourself in physically demanding scenarios builds your mental confidence. You then take that confidence and apply it within your life to people. You combine this with working towards an assertive personality. Master both and nothing a person says to you will affect you like that again...
 
I like Anthony's advice on rock climbing. I started doing that a few months back and it's just as Anthony says it is. Every time I come back to the rock climbing gym I scale a wall I couldn't before, or move up a step in difficulty.

Also I would recommend volunteering with an organization such as Habitat for Humanity or the local hospital. You'll tend to find yourself with people who aren't the hurtful types.

Kick Boxing is good too...
 
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