At my last therapy session a week and half ago my therapist set the challenge for me to reduce my internet usage (and other avoidance mechanisms) in order to participate in real life.
She said I used tools to avoid something. We weren't sure what it is.
Well I started by breaking down my days and setting certain tasks to complete. It's actually worked reasonably well, I'm a bit surprised by what I've been able to acheive, and that technically I am capable of performing certain duties.
However, whilst I'm ticking the boxes, I am emotionally/psychologically wrecked. I'm not doing to badly with symptoms and I've drunk a little bit too much on two nights, and one night of suicide ideation. Overall pretty good.
My problem is that I am super sensitive. I'm getting through the days but in break times I'm going to a toilet & sobbing. Then getting back on with it.
I get so easily hurt and offended. If someone asks me a question I think they have no faith in my ability to perform the task. If a meeting is held and it is stated that some people abuse mobile phones I assume it's about me and cry. If someone stands up and says that certain members of my team act like prima donnas, I cry even though logically I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be me. If someone asks why I do something a certain way I start to doubt myself and get overcome with anxiety.
I also cry because I can't believe how difficult it is to do the tasks that were once easy. I can do them but it hurts to do them.
I'm not sure what to do as I have to work the weekend and have a busy start to the week. I determined to follow through on my commitments though.
But I'm not sure about all this crying. Should I just keep taking breaks to allow the tears out? Note what the feelings are? Or should I try & stop the tears so I don't get myself so worked up.
I realise that I've be avoiding work, social situations, people because under no circumstances do I want my feelings to get hurt. However mild the perceived insult might be, I want to avoid hurt feelings at all costs.
It seems that someone hurting my feelings with a combination of feeling misunderstood or unsupported is some sort of trigger for me?
My confidence is very low right now.
I need some help untangling this.
She said I used tools to avoid something. We weren't sure what it is.
Well I started by breaking down my days and setting certain tasks to complete. It's actually worked reasonably well, I'm a bit surprised by what I've been able to acheive, and that technically I am capable of performing certain duties.
However, whilst I'm ticking the boxes, I am emotionally/psychologically wrecked. I'm not doing to badly with symptoms and I've drunk a little bit too much on two nights, and one night of suicide ideation. Overall pretty good.
My problem is that I am super sensitive. I'm getting through the days but in break times I'm going to a toilet & sobbing. Then getting back on with it.
I get so easily hurt and offended. If someone asks me a question I think they have no faith in my ability to perform the task. If a meeting is held and it is stated that some people abuse mobile phones I assume it's about me and cry. If someone stands up and says that certain members of my team act like prima donnas, I cry even though logically I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be me. If someone asks why I do something a certain way I start to doubt myself and get overcome with anxiety.
I also cry because I can't believe how difficult it is to do the tasks that were once easy. I can do them but it hurts to do them.
I'm not sure what to do as I have to work the weekend and have a busy start to the week. I determined to follow through on my commitments though.
But I'm not sure about all this crying. Should I just keep taking breaks to allow the tears out? Note what the feelings are? Or should I try & stop the tears so I don't get myself so worked up.
I realise that I've be avoiding work, social situations, people because under no circumstances do I want my feelings to get hurt. However mild the perceived insult might be, I want to avoid hurt feelings at all costs.
It seems that someone hurting my feelings with a combination of feeling misunderstood or unsupported is some sort of trigger for me?
My confidence is very low right now.
I need some help untangling this.