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Ayahuasca Retreat?

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Have any of you tried Ayahuasca? I have started doing some research on it and the reviews are very mixed. Some reviews state that taking Ayahuasca has enabled people to rid themselves of years and years of painful memories while other reviews state that Ayahuasca caused them to have even more issues with their mental health.

I recently started working with an EMDR practitioner. i have read a lot about EMDR and, being a licensed clinical social worker, I know a bit about how effective this is said to be. Ayahuasca, however, is something more off the beaten path. However, this being said, sometimes finding a solution to a broken spirit is found away from traditional means. I am fifty-eight years old. I could fill pages of this blog detailing for you things that have happened in my life that I wouldn't want any decent person to go through. Mean people though? That's a different story. Mean people have no place on this planet.

Anyone have any experience with this? If not you, but people you know?



Ayahuasca is a very DARK trip. Nightmares made ‘real’, every worst possible outcome that ever did, could have, or might still happen; the Steven King meets child-snuff-porn of hallucinogens. Hard pass.

If your heart is set purely on tripping… I’d far more strongly recommend peyote, mescaline, or psilocybin. (Peyote is “heavy” and very time & patterns & life path based, mescaline very energetic & possibilities based, whilst psilocybin is interconnectedness)… all come along with the possibility of a bad trip, but unlike Ayahuasca that’s not the point, much less what usually happens.

Less off the beaten path (decades of anecdotal evidence & years of clinical trials), however, is arguably the single most exciting thing happening in the treatment of severe PTSD… MDMA assisted psychotherapy. Phase 3 clinical trials began in 2018 in the US, Canada, & Israel… were published in 2021... And The UK / Commonwealth Countries are approving for Rx this coming July. (Not sure when the US is).

((MDMA is only a smidge hallucinogenic all on its own, which is why it didn’t make my short list above. (Ecstasy, which is a cocktail of MDMA + ???, often has mescaline added to it, as well as opiates, to make it VERY hallucinogenic).))

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Ayahuasca is a very DARK trip. Nightmares made ‘real’, every worst possible outcome that ever did, could have, or might still happen; the Steven King meets child-snuff-porn of hallucinogens. Hard pass.

God, this was my psilocybin trip. It was f*cking BRUTAL. 0/10, do not recommend. I am certain that I saw the inside of Sheol itself. I briefly went psychotic and genuinely believed that I could control the actions of other people, but I decided to be ethical and not do it. (Like, I straight up was delusional and thought this was absolutely a real thing I could do - and I could see the way in which reality "is a simulation" - blah, blah, blah).

Lost contact with my physical body, essentially losing consciousness. Like, just, garbage, nonsense. Torture and degeneracy and filth and barbarism. Every bad thing that ever was or will be, every horrific thing that I could possibly imagine enduring or watching someone else endure, and my mind came up with some pretty creative stuff - it had a big helping hand from my actual trauma history I am certain. Got a bit creative with it.

In my experience, psilocybin is hands-down some of the best stuff on the planet for addressing PTSD. There is also a reason why it is prescribed to terminally ill patients, because once you trip on psilocybin, death is no longer frightening or even an unknown. I just Know what will happen - whether that's rational, probably not, but hey, if it alleviates annihilation anxiety who am I to argue?

Once you wake up from an experience like that (which I could talk about endlessly and still not scratch the surface of the sheer amount of information in my trip) where you've just... done all the things, and now there's nothing more to do - it's very like, "well so what if I was indoctrinated into an armed group. On a universal scale, to assign that experience the degree of anguish that you do -> specifically against yourself -> that is an incorrect assessment."

It shows you all of your experiences in context with the actual universe, and I don't want to say it makes your experiences feel meaningless because there should be meaning to them - it should matter that you have suffered or caused others to suffer, because that is wrong. But it definitely makes them less... just less, somehow. Less vitally important that you maintain this constant level of distress over them.

You probably won't be comfortable, but you will learn an extraordinary amount. Every time you trip, the goal is to learn something new, to figure something out. I did two major macro doses and the second time around I began to feel that same inward sensation that led to the torture hellscape, and something manifested and went, "what didn't you learn last time? Why did you need to do this again? I already have proven myself able to endure The End, it is time to move on now."

And then I did! And then I came out of it with neurogenesis and now I have feelings, it literally worked like a magic switch. The trip/s themselves f*cking SUHUUUCKED, but can't argue with results. EMDR and psilocybin are about on par when it comes to neurogenesis, one is just a lot more immediate than the other - psilocybin will begin the process of neurogenesis almost immediately, whereas bilateral stimulation takes a lot more time.
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