Bad flashback

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
It hasn't been this bad in a while. N9rmal work at home day, actually quite productive. Then it happened, the trigger. I cried like a baby for hours, and flashes are still coming in waves though smaller now. I mentally cannot have strength to feel anything else. Physically my body hurts like THEN. I've broken fully. Thank God it's night time and there's no one to see this.

I've fully resolved to automatic behaviors and thank God I've worked on those for some time. Going to the store to get junk food to eat in pajamas in bed is at least better than hurting myself or drinking until I forget, as I feel like. I know my body needs something better than junk food but being present to even eat anything is an achievement. I was like a zombie going to the store, thank God I can walk to there and it was dark en9ugh that people didn't see me closing my eyes every few steps.



I should be guilty or ashamed but honestly I'm scared at the strength of this and how I'll be tomorrow. I've forgotten how bad it gets.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you all! I've cried twice already today so the support is appreciated.

I hate feeling like this when I have to work. If could I'd take time off but I need the money.

But at those moments it feels like time has shrunk somehow and my conc3ntration is so low and I just cry like every 30 min, sucks. I need my workout and my apartment clean and to feel like human again.

I can't believe I let him turn my life into this. And I need therapy but need to get paid first. And I dont want my planner because I feel ugly and I don't that ugliness in it. How did I get into this feeling again, i hate it...thank you for this forum, I don't know how I'd cope otherwise...
 
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