Bad Nightmares - Guilt Over Them

[Kunoichi]

Hello,

This sounds silly to me but I have to ask anyways. Please don't read this if its going to trigger you as my dreams are not the nicest as I know alot of you deal with the same.

I had a very bad nightmare last night. It dealt with me being captured and raped by multiple people. And to my own horror, I stayed placated (as in my abuse and multiple rapes). And not only that but I became aroused!

I am so overdone with guilt over this. I know that the nightmares are not something i can really control but the fact I became aroused and placated....I don't know how to feel but extremely guilty. But am I wrong? Maybe its not my fault (something I have a hard time due to my abuser always blaming me for EVERYTHING). How am I supposed to feel?

Thank you

 

[Marlene]

Kunoichi,

Dreams are not something you can control. So first and foremost, don't feel guilty for something you had no control over.

As to the arousal, there's a really good book out there called The Sexual Healing Journey and part of it deals with why things that we logically know are inappropriate can still be arousing. This is due to the sexaul abuse and the conditioning it did to our brains and bodies. I recommend reading it. It helped me a lot.

How should you feel? Only you can answer that. I would recommend writing this all down (paper or computer) and then taking it apart piece by piece. The same way you would with a trauma. See if you can make sense of this dream as it relates to your current state of recovery. New memories? Dealing with the rapes in therapy? Watching/reading something before you went to sleep that might have triggered this dream? All of this stuff is connected. You've just got to figure it out.

It's not your fault that you had this dream. Don't pick up where your abuser left off and continue to blame yourself for everything.

Lisa

 

[Kunoichi]

Lisa/Marlene: Thank you!

lately I have been dealing with the truth that I was raped during my last three years of abuse out of five years, at least 4 to 6 times a week. I didn't consider it rape because I became aroused and didn't fight it every time due to being terrified. My T said that its due to stockholm syndrome in order to survive. So realizing this its triggered me more and more and made the flashbacks harder. So i'm not really surprised about the dream...I just haven't been able to not feel guilty for so many things due to my abuse as well.

 

[Mina]

My traumas are not related to anything sexual, but I know I feel quite guilty if I have a sexually-themed dream featuring anyone but DH. Feels like cheating to me. Doesn't even have to involve me doing anything with someone else, just the fact that I was thinking about it in the dream makes me feel guilty.

However, I try hard to remind myself that I have a past. I had a life and a sex life before DH. A number of my other dreams feature my past - people, places, and situations...so it goes to follow that some of the dreams would be sexually themed, with people from past experiences, or with whom I had potential involvement prior to DH. Much like some of my other dreams, they seem to be jumbled up past thoughts, emotions, and experiences.

I don't know if it helps, but thinking about such dreams in that way makes me feel better.

 

[Auroch]

Dreams aren't something you can control, and certainly do not represent things that you desire. There is no proof that that are even reflections of the subconcious. (I'm not the expert, but that's what they tell me) - My own nightmares of remembered events aren't always right. Sometimes people I know and love and trust take part in tormenting me. Sometimes they are tormented when I know they are safe. I won't tell you not to put any stock in your dreams, but try to look at them more as a symptom of an overall condition, and less as significant in and of themselves.

 

[Seeking_Nirvana]

Hi Kunoichi
I've been interpreting dreams for almost 5 years and I've had this same thing happen.

I don't do well with intimacy and I avoid sex as much as possible. However, sex is an "instinctual" urge and if you are suppressing it while awake, then it will surface while dreaming.

The fact that the abuser was the person in your dream has no significance to the urge. I've learned so much about dreams I can tell you I offered my abuser sex so he would like me, and then added a few more into the mix. Now will I do that while awake? NOT!

It just means my instinctual urges are not being met while awake, and who ever shows up in my dreams while I'm feeling these urges will be the one.

It's the same as eating, which is an instinctual urge. When I don't eat, I dream of eating food.

Don't feel guilty about your dreams, they rarely mean what you see in them.

Take care
Tammy