Ellabella44
MyPTSD Pro
Not sure where this belongs in forum. I have been experiencing a physical reaction to someone calling me by the long form of my name. I feel like I am being repeatedly slapped HARD across the face when I hear it. I have never liked to be called it and this has gone from just a "please don't call me that" to tensing up, closing my eyes holding my breath and freezing with panic and being unable to focus after.
I hate it. I have been advocating for myself by telling doctor offices etc that I have ptsd and that the name gives me a bad reaction. I remember that my mother would slap me like that until I had a bloody lip just for verbally defending myself and this makes me think that this reaction is rooted in a time before I decided I would rather be called the shorter version of my name.
I want this to stop. I want to change my first name to a short version of it legally once I start working somewhere. But that will be a while as I'm still in process with a disability office to find one. I feel if I don't have to hear it again the reaction will go away.
I want this reaction to stop. I want to not have to explain myself why I am closing my eyes and freezing. Its one of the behaviors I have that make me feel I have to tell that I have this. It can't be hidden. "Hi there I have ptsd ( bad childhood) please don't make me have trauma reactions" Ugh :banghead:
I hate it. I have been advocating for myself by telling doctor offices etc that I have ptsd and that the name gives me a bad reaction. I remember that my mother would slap me like that until I had a bloody lip just for verbally defending myself and this makes me think that this reaction is rooted in a time before I decided I would rather be called the shorter version of my name.
I want this to stop. I want to change my first name to a short version of it legally once I start working somewhere. But that will be a while as I'm still in process with a disability office to find one. I feel if I don't have to hear it again the reaction will go away.
I want this reaction to stop. I want to not have to explain myself why I am closing my eyes and freezing. Its one of the behaviors I have that make me feel I have to tell that I have this. It can't be hidden. "Hi there I have ptsd ( bad childhood) please don't make me have trauma reactions" Ugh :banghead: