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Movingforward10-you are exactly right. A part of me does want things to be at least slightly different. When I originally posted, it was , or seemed important to me on that day, because I would like it to be somewhat different. After more thought, and the fact that we have been to counseling, which did more harm than good. Given other factors....my health problems, a history of investing more than partner, wanting to put my time and energy into something that I have more control of (exercise, better eating habits, etc), I do realize, past failures have made me only feel more hopeless., and have led to severe depression. Is it worth all of this. I guess my answer is no. So rather that focus on what is missing from my life and things I have no control over, have decided that I need to focus on what I do have and what I DO have control of. I do need to get healthier and can possibly achieve this. If I can, I have other opportunities for more enjoyment. I also have my kids and grandchildren and would like to travel more, and for the first time in my life, can afford to do so.
What is really positive here, and I want to thank you all for your responses, is that it made me realize the complexities of each of our individual situations. It also made me realize that the area that suffers here, only bothers me a few days a year, which is not bad in the scheme of things. So, no, its not important enough for me to invest my time into it.
Well, I can now say free, there comes a time that we must realize that this kind of control has to stop. I am married to a man that says he wants sex, but makes it so miserable that nobody would go back for more. Knowing that I am not one to cheap. Seriously, another form of control When I do joke about a really cute guy (once every 5 years), he is obsessed and hangs onto it for weeks. Never realized anyone would pass on sex for control Time for me to venture out I do believe.
I think his lack of interest in/motivation to please you is what I’d assume to be the problem.

I wonder… does he enjoy sex? I’m concerned that he called you a pervert for desiring pleasure.
Ya, well thanks. It has kind of become a moot point. He just keeps gaining weight til I dont thin so much is even possible. Its really become of with me act this point.