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Balance between losing it & not taking any shit?

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Blue Survivor

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Does anyone have any advice on how not to 'lose it,' in a context of standing up for yourself?

Allow me to explain: my s/o and I just bought a house, which anyone knows is incredibly exciting but also stressful! When we painted the inside two weeks ago he nit-picked about my painting skills. Because his parents were helping us I said nothing...all week I didn't say a word about his criticisms (even though I feel that I painted just fine - he and I have different techniques but both ended up with the same results - nothing wrong with that).

This week we're arranging and rearranging furniture, still unpacking a few boxes and just generally trying to make it a home vs an obstacle course. Everything that I suggest & every idea that I have is wrong. I want more lighting down the road? Wrong! I want to start hanging up our art? Wrong! I want to take out the recycling before bed instead of in the morning? Wrong! I want to have a cup of coffee after work for 10 minutes before tackling more boxes? Wrong!

So yesterday I lost it. I told him that every thing I do, say, think, suggest, or feel is 'wrong' to him and that at the moment I felt like strangling him because of his nit-picking and negativity. Now he's barely talking to me (which is actually sort of nice since everything he's said the past two weeks has been cutting in some way).

Does anyone have any advice for me? How do I tell him during the nit-picking that he is nit-picking and that it bothers me? One one hand I want to say nothing because I know the house thing is stressful on us both, but I also don't want him thinking he can cut me down like this all the time.
 
It sounds like he's wanting to control the environment of his new home in order to make it feel safe to him but that's just the point, it's not just his home it needs to feel OK to you too. I have lived and been in a relationship with a fellow sufferer for three years now and we have to focus on things being balanced to meet the most integral of both our needs. Things go out of kilter and battle lines are drawn but set clear boundaries now and make it about your non negotiable right to have a say in the set up of your home environment rather than about his Comments. Me and my other half find home a big deal as between us we've spent over twenty years quite literally without a roof over our head so we are very fiesty when it comes to our little attic flat but we've been keeping our troops communicating so there's not too much blood on the battlefield. Respect, mutual respect is as important as love with this issue, good luck stay strong
 
I would say, just practice monitoring more closely your feelings around people giving you too many corrections. So that you don't have to be upset by the time you tell them. It is helpful to communicate calmly whenever possible. I wouldn't have to wait to say something just because others were around and helping. I would have told them I felt my way was equal and giving me satisfaction. If that would cause a fight then there is something else going on.
 
I'm not sure I see the problem. he was an ass and you called him out on it. And now he is giving you the silent treatment? I don't think your losing it is the issue.... Just sayin....
 
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