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Battling negative thoughts and feelings after doing something positive

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Starlyte

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Today I took a massive step forward. I simply had a hair cut and colour. I know this sounds such a normal thing to do for most people. For me it is facing a huge part of my past. For 52 years I have lived with abuse, trauma, control and violence. My ex husband forced me to keep my hair long and bleached blonde. Today a lovely hair dresser came to my home and spent 6 hours helping me to take this step. I have gone from waist long hair to a chin length style. Gone is one of his weapons!!!!! Now the negative thoughts and feelings have crept in. The fear of him finding out what I have done is overwhelming me and I'm battling to hang on to the positive thing I have completed. Do any of you have the same feelings? is so how do you deal with them?.
 
I can relate to this in a certain sense. I walked away from my father after an extremely abusive string of events. It might seem I mature but I went and got a tattoo I had been contemplating for years. At 27, it was still something he would have forbidden. I needed to know I had ownership over myself, and it was a very concrete way to feel that.

The fear that he will find out....well, just continue to talk your way through that. What do you want it to tell him? What do you want him to know? What are you afraid of? Keep a list of the positives and negatives. Sometimes just repeated statements of, "I am free. I am safe. I'm okay." Over and over again help. Keeping your hair the same would have kept you feeling tied to him and probably kept you tied into playing the same old role.

Good job for taking steps to reclaim yourself. It gets more comfortable with time. I promise.
 
so much yes! I know exactly how you feel. It's a cycle sometimes

Keep doing positive things for you. I bet you look beautiful too! The negative thoughts are there as a survival mechanism if you think of it that way sometimes they are easier to deal with. Deep breaths and stay strong
 
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