Been cheated on by every person i’ve been with, including my current. Is this feeling forever ?


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Hi. I was diagnosed 2 months ago so don’t have much info on it at all but have suffered with PTSD from childhood trauma. I feel like the question may seem silly to some because i’m young, however it is now a big part of me. I’m a 22 year old female and have been cheated on somehow by every person i’ve ever dated since i first started in middle school. I’ve never once been in any dating situation that didn’t end up with them secretly with someone else. Never ending because they did something mean, always somehow been another girl. Will my brain always torment me with memories of it ? i’ve heard and tried everything. oh just don’t worry about it the right one will come when you’re not looking you’ll be happy. that’s not the point. Every day I have memories thrown at me that i long since decided don’t matter, i’m an adult and still think about the person who slept with my best friend at 15. Saved my virginity till i was an adult out of fear and got cheated on again. I told the current person im with my trust issues and what i’ve dealt with. Said hey just fyi if you cheat not sure how i’d mentally cope after because i’m good and have been but if another one does i have no idea. Later found him messaging transgender women on tinder. He has BPD and was in active psychosis when it happened and that’s mostly why I have stayed. I am a psychology major so i’m trying my best. Also because there isn’t a point in leaving to me at this point if i’m always going to get cheated on or feel like they’re doing it and hiding it no matter what. it’s been 7 months since i found out and i still feel resentment, humiliation, sadness, anger, self image issues, all the notions. i am a lot better than i was then but i hate not being able to just simply let sh** go. i get the feeling of it happening all over again all the time. i have an unhealthy attachment style from having a narcissistic parent and my unique situations.

it seems so easy to say just focus on yourself. when i was by myself even a tarot reader told me to stop thinking about these things- for the same thing to happen again after. I love him but i have no trust in men. Anyone else been with someone with BPD and get triggered by their various emotional states? Those who’ve struggle with infedelity and ptsd, how do you manage? what thinking habits have helped you during a meltdown? i’m tired of being randomly hit with hopelessness, rage and everything else. My last time being cheated on i was like ok obviously they’re just not right for me like everyone else and dropped it. Now it’s so much more. i don’t even think they deserve it at this point. it’s so consuming. i have enough other intrusive thoughts to deal with.i don’t want this to be apart of it. thank you so much for reading


This is my first post and I might not be able to give you the answers you need. I thought I'd try anyway.

I'm sorry you've experienced those situations. The earthquake feeling of infidelity that rips through us is awful. It affects us throughout our lives. Sadly, a partner cheating is quite normal for the majority of people I've known in my life. However, 'normal' doesn't make it easier to deal with. I've experienced the same feelings as you. I'm twice as old as you and I'm sitting here thinking "Does it get easier with time?" I think feelings numb after a while so you feel less emotional pain. You'll suffer less. I can't guarantee it won't happen again, but I can't say for sure it will. That's life. Relationships can be a gamble. Personally, I don't date. I find life much smoother and drama free that way. Conversely, lots of people will tell you that they're in strong and stable relationships.

In my 20s, I remember finding it difficult to cope with severe power of emotions during the bad times. It does get easier because you'll find your own ways to cope. It takes a long time to find those solutions though, but you will slowly over time create them for yourself.

Someone said to me once "don't try to get over it, try to get on with it". Acceptance is everything, even if that means accepting the relationship is over (or that it isn't over and life is the way it is). I see acceptance a bit like swimming with or against the tide. One will tire you, the other will get you to the next place in life.

What I tell myself is, life works exactly the way it should (good and bad). If people do bad things, I think "That's who they are. They are being themselves". This is normal and natural. We see it all the time around us.

I know it gets repeated so much it's become clichéd, but I do find Eckhart Tolle helpful when I'm suffering:

You have three choices to every problem:
1. Change the situation.
2. Accept the situation.
3. Leave the situation.

In the case of an gaslighting ex of mine who 'lied like she was breathing', I tried to change her. It didn't work and I finally realised you can't change people. You can influence them a little bit, but change comes from the self. Secondly I tried to accept the situation, but the rot set in and it made me feel negative towards her. I finally had to leave the situation, which was very hard to do and I felt pretty rough for two years afterwards. Then one morning, I woke up and didn't feel as bad.

I wish that everything goes well for you now.


I am a psychology major
it’s been 7 months since i found out and i still feel resentment, humiliation, sadness, anger, self image issues, all the notions. i am a lot better than i was then but i hate not being able to just simply let sh** go.
It’s been several years since I’ve read any of it (but as a student you’d have access to the peer review database! 😎)… but there is a whoooooooole helluva lotta research on infidelity & adultery.

One of the things that absolutely blew me away diving into it back when? That regardless of whether people reconcile or breakup/divorce it takes an average of 2-5 years for most people to fully recover from the betrayal of it.

2-5 years.

Which, as a psych major, is also probably setting off bells in your head on *why* cheating doesn’t cause PTSD… as there is an extremely predicitble timeline -that IF someone is going to be bothered by it, and it’s a big IF- nearly everyone follows. Human reactivity around betrayal is fascinating, IMO, as it changes drastically according to different types OF betrayal. But, with wiggle room for age/sex/etc. tends to hold true cross culturally. Although cultural means of dealing with betrayal varies tremendously, some with more effective norms, some less. Romantic/Sexual betrayal? IF there are effects, you’re looking at a 2-5 year timeline from the last betrayal. Probably. Because?…

…The one thing that can affect that timeline is having a neurological condition or disorder.

Since you have PTSD from childhood trauma… which probably has betrayal tangled up in it, if not central to it? You’re looking at something way more complicated than most people would be dealing with. Whether that shortens or lengthens the timeline you’re looking at? I couldn’t say. It certainly has the potential to do either.

((Since one of the symptoms of PTSD is avoidance, going after elements of betrayal in your childhood is unlikely to be somehing your brain will want to do. Every instinct will be screaming to focus on the non-trauma, and will most likely make it bright and shiny -painful, all consuming, shattering- whenever you make the attempt to shift focus on the actual trauma.

Conversely? The tidal wave of serious trauma history can obliterate present painful/heartbreaking concerns, as you get pulled more and more into the past.

&/or A kind of leapfrogging that keeps finding the connections and breaking them, putting both past and present to rest, in a way that people without a serious trauma history can only dream about… as they’re stuck riding out 2-5 years with no other recourse than to just see it through.))

So cut yourself some slack! You’re at the start of this thing, rather than should be long over and done with it.


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My ex and this is going back almost 25 years, was and still is a narcissistic man who thinks he is god’s gift to women as well as believing that women are beneath men and should souls serve them. He has many children that he doesn’t acknowledge from many women, my kids have never met any of them. Til this day I dream of my loved one cheating on me, it is very frustrating. It is embedded in my subconscious.