Bereavement

My husband my heart died 5months ago. And I’m having bereavement complications. I don’t want to be in this world without him. I see him everywhere as I have been trying to go through our things and get things sorted for his kids. I have lost fifty pounds and my stomach hurts. I have trouble leaving the home we had just purchased in 2021 to do anything. I was alone for a long time after everyone left. Now I have a brother here and things done seem to be getting better for me. This past month and half has been very difficult to the point I don’t want to be here. I haven’t been myself and don’t know how to get back to the person I was. Nothing is the same and nothing seems to be getting better. At times I think okay I got this and then I’m triggered agin bc I have to go through his clothes and things. Our home isby a home anymore it’s just a place. Idk even why I’m writing this. There is so much more but I am numb still … keep thinking he will walk through the door again and tell me everything will be okay .. but it won’t. Nothing will ever be the same. And I don’t want to do this anymore without him. I pray to God I talk to my husband and nothing helps. I get up when our dogs get me up that’s the only thing that gets me out of the nest I made on the floor in the living room. I haven’t slept in our bed since he passed. I’m babbling here.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello tobe. welcome to the forum. babbling is allowed here. giving myself babbling rights is the quickest way i know to sort the chaff from the grain of my emotions.

gentle empathy on the mysteries of bereavement. i lost my youngest son and his wife (both 35) in a car accident in september, 2019. we did not live together, so i don't live with the cohabitational reminders, but i inherited his 3 young orphans. fatherhood was the great pride of my son's life and his presence feels tangible surrounding those 3 children, currently ages 3, 6 and 9.

rocking you gently and crying with you, tobe. the river runs deep. the river runs wide.
hope healing happens here.
 
I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.

One thing I can recommend is finding a counselor experienced in grief issues. While it's understandable that you are in hell, with a counselor's help you can eventually get back to being a human being again.
 

Friday

Moderator
Been there.

The -everything, to be honest, but- (the) stress of bereavement kicking PTSD symptoms to life? Is one of the more brutal things I know of.

As it halts grief. Freezes the pain in the present, as the past washes over like a tsunami. Often, for years. Until the past quits itself, and allows the present to reassert itself.
 
hello tobe. welcome to the forum. babbling is allowed here. giving myself babbling rights is the quickest way i know to sort the chaff from the grain of my emotions.

gentle empathy on the mysteries of bereavement. i lost my youngest son and his wife (both 35) in a car accident in september, 2019. we did not live together, so i don't live with the cohabitational reminders, but i inherited his 3 young orphans. fatherhood was the great pride of my son's life and his presence feels tangible surrounding those 3 children, currently ages 3, 6 and 9.

rocking you gently and crying with you, tobe. the river runs deep. the river runs wide.
hope healing happens here.
Thank you. I’m just not myself anymore and am not sure how to get back to the loving happy woman I used to be. I’m sorry for your loss as well that has to be difficult. I’m crying for you and the loss.
 
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