bi-polar boyfriend

samanthavad

New Here
I am almost 6 years out of my abusive relationship and trauma. I have been dating my current boyfriend for a year but we've been friends since we were we 13. My current boyfriend (CBF) and I have been having alot of communication issues, lack of trust and just arguing alot. He recently realized he might be bi-polar. He hasnt been to an actual doctor yet but he has all the symptoms and hes thought this about himself for awhile. I am still learning how to deal with this and keep things stable. he is literally a different person when he is manic. He doesnt not /can not (im not sure) see it. It puts alot of stress and pressure on me. He gets very irritable and testy. It seems like everything I say or do annoys or irritates him. He had wicked ADHD and gets sooooo distracted so easily. When hes had sleep and is calm and normal he will tell me the things he wants to get done, and to help keep him focused. so then he doesnt sleep for a few days (he has PTSD also) and becomes manic and hyper and bouncing all over the place getting distracted by any and everything in his path. Never finishing a single task. I try and tell him he's getting distracted/side tracked and not focusing on the original task and he gets so upset with me. So defensive, so grumpy and snarky... i have no idea what to do.
 
S

SMM

Hi! Is he willing to take medication? There’s nothing you can do if he’s not willing to get the help he needs and take care of himself. You gotta put the focus back on you hun.
 

samanthavad

New Here
No he is not on medication yet. He says hes willing to get help and i know he wants to get help. He is just going in circles right now. unable to take that initial step. He recently however got violated on his parole for not keeping up with his drug treatment program. So i am hoping he gets the help he needs and gets himself in a better head space while hes away... And i am going to take this time to focus on me, and continue on my healing journey.
 

Friday

Moderator
I try and tell him he's getting distracted/side tracked and not focusing on the original task and he gets so upset with me. So defensive, so grumpy and snarky... i have no idea what to do.
For most people with ADHD? That’s kind of like telling someone with PTSD to put on their big girl panties and move the f*ck on, already; to quit being an attention whore drama queen, with all these theatrical panic attacks and shit, and just get over it.

Usually flies over like a lead brick.

Are there ways to yank someone with ADHD back on target? Sure! The same way there are ways to yank someone with PTSD out of a panic attack / anxiety attack / being triggered, etc. back to being in the real world all calm and cool and collected. Those ways are few, far between, and highly individualized.

But you said he’s bipolar? ADHD and Bipolar Disorder cannot exist in the same brain. The simplest way to understand that is to look at meds... stimulants calm ADHD people down, but kick Bipolar people into manias & mixed episodes... meanwhile the antipsychotics, mood stabilizers, & antidepressant cocktails that help bipolar folk make adhd people crazy as shithouse rats.
And i am going to take this time to focus on me, and continue on my healing journey.
Sounds like a good plan. He can do him; you do you.
 
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