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- #433
Nicolette
Supporter Admin
Ok Jawn....this would be doing my head in about now sorry. I'm confused so can't even imagine how you would be feeling.
Relationship Big Shock Tonight
- Post starter Jawn
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- #435
Well, it certainly doesn't seem fair. Maybe she could visit your therapist for another view on how she is effecting you? Is that possible? I'm sure nobody is doing this intentionally, but it seems your feelings have fallen beneath the cracks! Good Luck Jawn...you're in my prayers, bud.
My only advise is to take the divorce thing non seriously UNTIL she gives you the papers. Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants or needs.
Big Hugs and you are on the PTSD carnival ride. The UP DOWN ALL ROUND DRIVE YOU CRAZY RIDE. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny.
Big Hugs and you are on the PTSD carnival ride. The UP DOWN ALL ROUND DRIVE YOU CRAZY RIDE. If it wasn't so sad it would be funny.
I empathise, Jawn and wish you strength. As previously agonised about, my partner has continually said he is moving out for the past 4 months. It has been agonisingly stressfull and confusing since then but he is still sitting here....
My mum came to stay for Christmas and I told her he was moving and he looked like I had slapped him. I liked AdamAnt's description of 'feelings falled down the cracks' because I don't know what is real and what is not anymore.
What he wants is to live here without us having any relationship at all, thought about my feelings, see whoever he wants to and I accept that as good enough. I have said I don't want that. Stalemate!
Big hugs all round! X
My mum came to stay for Christmas and I told her he was moving and he looked like I had slapped him. I liked AdamAnt's description of 'feelings falled down the cracks' because I don't know what is real and what is not anymore.
What he wants is to live here without us having any relationship at all, thought about my feelings, see whoever he wants to and I accept that as good enough. I have said I don't want that. Stalemate!
Big hugs all round! X
You know Valdoodle that is interesting. My husband feels the same. I personally had decided to give his therapy a chance and have accepted his standard of relationship. But nice to know that his requests are being made by others.
Big HUGS though.
Jawn, do you have a rubber neck yet from all that twisting? I've been sorry to hear about how your situation has been so hard lately.
Hope you're hanging in there. It seems to me that your wife is very comfortable being friends with you, maybe nothing more.
Do you feel like you can ask her about why she has decided to take certain things? Try to find out something of what she feels or what is going on (sometimes, anyway!) in her head? Maybe share some of the things in your own head?
Hope your therapist can be some help to you.
Hope you're hanging in there. It seems to me that your wife is very comfortable being friends with you, maybe nothing more.
Do you feel like you can ask her about why she has decided to take certain things? Try to find out something of what she feels or what is going on (sometimes, anyway!) in her head? Maybe share some of the things in your own head?
Hope your therapist can be some help to you.
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- #441
OK, time for an update. Last Sunday I had to take my car to my mechanic friend to get a timing belt put in and she had volunteered to follow me over there and give me a ride home. We were going to do it after she got off work at the vet clinic. That morning I went with a friend to play in the snow in the hills above my house. When I told him about my car he said he could help me. So I called my wife and told her he would help me instead. She said "Oh........OK". She sounded disappointed or something.
Any way, on Tuesday evening she was waiting at the house when I got home to take me to get my car. She had made banana bread at her place and had sliced up about 1/3 of it and had it on the counter for me.
I saw her today (Saturday) at the vet clinic because I had to take one of the dogs in. I got there just before she was going to take her lunch break. When I got ready to leave we talked for a minute and I asked if she had made her "list" of how she thinks we should divide stuff up and she said "no, have you?" In a surprised tone. I told her no that I was just curious. I turned to leave and she stepped over and gave me a hug. Sigh, I really don't know what to think at this point. I guess I will continue to have minimal contact with her and let it ride.
Oh, I mentioned a while back about her taking the pictures off the bedroom wall. She noticed right away that they have been replaced with new pictures. She had to comment on that. She also asked me if it was OK for her to take something else. I guess the asking is progress of a sorts.
Jawn
Any way, on Tuesday evening she was waiting at the house when I got home to take me to get my car. She had made banana bread at her place and had sliced up about 1/3 of it and had it on the counter for me.
I saw her today (Saturday) at the vet clinic because I had to take one of the dogs in. I got there just before she was going to take her lunch break. When I got ready to leave we talked for a minute and I asked if she had made her "list" of how she thinks we should divide stuff up and she said "no, have you?" In a surprised tone. I told her no that I was just curious. I turned to leave and she stepped over and gave me a hug. Sigh, I really don't know what to think at this point. I guess I will continue to have minimal contact with her and let it ride.
Oh, I mentioned a while back about her taking the pictures off the bedroom wall. She noticed right away that they have been replaced with new pictures. She had to comment on that. She also asked me if it was OK for her to take something else. I guess the asking is progress of a sorts.
Jawn
lovinbiker
Gold Member
Jawn Im sorry to hear all of what has happend to you, I have taken this long to post to you as I cant really add anything of any use other than to say this. Do look after yourself do things you wanna do, never forget also that the people here on this forum will always support you if you need it. Many here can really appreciate how your feeling.
As others have said all you can do is control the one thing you can and thats your own life at the moment. Im sorry I cant say anything useful. I wish and hope things work out for you whatever path life has taken you down.
Take care
LB
As others have said all you can do is control the one thing you can and thats your own life at the moment. Im sorry I cant say anything useful. I wish and hope things work out for you whatever path life has taken you down.
Take care
LB
Learning123
Bronze Member
Jawn, I hope this doesn't sound harsh because it is said out of care and consideration for you, but I really worry about what it must be doing to your head to keep thinking about everything your wife says and does in such detail. I know it is easy to do, but my gosh it must be so stressful for you. This is just my personal opinion, but despite the fact that she has asked for a divorce, she still cares for you and that is probably why she offers help with the car, bakes for you etc.
I really can't say what is going on in her head or if you guys will work it out (I hope you do) but I would suggest for your own sanity, that unless she actually says she wants to make it work, try again, etc, that you really focus on you and your life and try hard not to assess everything that it said and done. I don't say this in judgement because I used to do it too, but seriously, now that I have stopped my whole life is so much more peaceful, I am able to focus on my life and happiness again.
I tend to be quite honest in what I say so I REALLY hope I don't offend, but I know when your mind is in overdrive it is depressing and unpleasant, and it took someone to tell me the above to finally find some peace.
I wish you all the best Jawn whatever the outcome and I think it was a really positive and huge step that you let your friend help you instead, big hugs x
I really can't say what is going on in her head or if you guys will work it out (I hope you do) but I would suggest for your own sanity, that unless she actually says she wants to make it work, try again, etc, that you really focus on you and your life and try hard not to assess everything that it said and done. I don't say this in judgement because I used to do it too, but seriously, now that I have stopped my whole life is so much more peaceful, I am able to focus on my life and happiness again.
I tend to be quite honest in what I say so I REALLY hope I don't offend, but I know when your mind is in overdrive it is depressing and unpleasant, and it took someone to tell me the above to finally find some peace.
I wish you all the best Jawn whatever the outcome and I think it was a really positive and huge step that you let your friend help you instead, big hugs x
I have a question (sorry Jawn Im going to highjack.lol) all these people keep saying to focus on our needs and our lives but how can you do that when you are unsure of the sufferers intentions and mental state. I dont know maybe I just haven't moved to that place but I find it impossible to just move on and live my life and not worry about my sufferer.
Jawn you know my thoughts about your wife and I truly do think she shot off at the lips before she had thought about it. Big BIG hugs.
Jawn you know my thoughts about your wife and I truly do think she shot off at the lips before she had thought about it. Big BIG hugs.
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