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Bipolar Bipolar new diagnosis as of tuesday

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Ellabella44

MyPTSD Pro
(Sorry I don't know how to add the prefix box thingy)

Once again I'm happy I found this site years ago. From October 21st to Nov 21st I've been in a cycle starting with deep depression that flipped one day into weeks of mania and heightened libido. I'd had this whole scenario in addition to my ptsd symptoms when both hit me full strength in 2013.

Between the two I thought I was looking my mind and turned to drinking. Now my CPTSD is mostly controlled by my meds but this whole other set of symptoms came back full on like a visit from a bad houseguest.

As far as I knew this stuff wasn't supposed to come back. Sticking its fingers in my brain and tinkering with it. Its been a while since you have been so depressed that you feel beaten and crushed, lets fix that. Oh wait that's too depressed. Ooh just the thing! Go climb that high diving board and dance happily on it till you fall. You need extra energy and hey while you're at it lets turn that frown upside down by bringing the libido up to 20. :eek:

I never thought I'd have a co morbid. Though it explains so many out of control things my father did. I hate that I understand him more now. As far as I know he is still undiagnosed but we have similar behaviors. Difference is I'm not taking my rage out on my family the way he did.

My children had a good stable loving childhood before I fell apart and I did my best so that would change just because things in me had. I did most of my drinking after my family went to bed. My father did all of his destructive stuff sober and shared it all with the family.

My daughter and therapist say that's what will keep me from becoming like him. My first instinct is to protect others from my pain. Supposedly that makes me stronger than he was. At this point I don't know. Im trying to see past my fears of hurting someone somehow or ending up for a psychiatric hospital visit down the road.

Ill be reading all I can from here to learn how to deal with this and fight it off if I can. I have vraylar for a med and hope it tones down the mania. It helps me that others have this with ptsd. I'm not alone.
 
You're your own person, a same diagnosis as your abuser doesn't make you anything like him, nor does it mean his hurt of you was a symptom of his disorder.

It's good you're getting more fitting medical care and self care addressing your needs, cheers on that.
 
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