Today is my birthday. I hate my birthday. I always cry and feel like shit. It feels like my heart breaks a little every birthday. Its a reminder that you’re alive and I don’t want to be. I have to act happy but I just can’t. I want to skip this day and just sleep till its over. My family decided to do something fun with me; they “gave” me breakfast (just to take pictures with and afterwards they took it away and ate it themselves. I was allowed to hold a baby (family) which actually made my day and gave me a genuine smile through my tears. In a bit I’m going to have to go to church and hopefully I’m allowed to have some icecream. It’s all fun and I shouldn’t be complaining but it all feels so wrong.