Nicolette
Supporter Admin
I noticed that the issue of 'blame' comes up often in posts, especially with members suffering from their sexual abuse whether it be just the trauma or PTSD.
What I feel compelled to highlight is that blame does nothing to aide the healing process for the victim other than perhaps providing an 'out' in relation to having to face fears and trauma.
No one denies how bad sexual assault is and how it can destroy you right to your very core. However, once the abuser has left, yes they are guilty for the act which caused the harm and the immediate reactions suffered, but then the rest lies in the hands of the victim.
Do they get help, not get help, become reclusive, take action, not take action and so on is up to the victim. While the abuser is a terrible person for the violations and trauma they inflicted, 'blaming' them for why a victim can't do anything/something after the fact is futile as all it does is leaves you 'stuck'. By stuck I mean at a place where you think the abuser stops you from functioning or unable to progress with healing, when it is the reaction to the trauma along with thought patterns which does this.
I can't find the right words but what I am trying to say is that while you 'blame' your abuser for what they did to you and use that as a reason for not being able to do something you are inadvertendly handing that abuser back your power to control your life, and while no longer present, continue to torment you.
Acceptance of what happened to you is imperative in my honest opinion and I hope that some find the courage to step away from reasoning that "I do or don't do this because I was abused" as it is in fact thinking and reasoning which holds you back as the abuser is long gone (in most instances).
What I feel compelled to highlight is that blame does nothing to aide the healing process for the victim other than perhaps providing an 'out' in relation to having to face fears and trauma.
No one denies how bad sexual assault is and how it can destroy you right to your very core. However, once the abuser has left, yes they are guilty for the act which caused the harm and the immediate reactions suffered, but then the rest lies in the hands of the victim.
Do they get help, not get help, become reclusive, take action, not take action and so on is up to the victim. While the abuser is a terrible person for the violations and trauma they inflicted, 'blaming' them for why a victim can't do anything/something after the fact is futile as all it does is leaves you 'stuck'. By stuck I mean at a place where you think the abuser stops you from functioning or unable to progress with healing, when it is the reaction to the trauma along with thought patterns which does this.
I can't find the right words but what I am trying to say is that while you 'blame' your abuser for what they did to you and use that as a reason for not being able to do something you are inadvertendly handing that abuser back your power to control your life, and while no longer present, continue to torment you.
Acceptance of what happened to you is imperative in my honest opinion and I hope that some find the courage to step away from reasoning that "I do or don't do this because I was abused" as it is in fact thinking and reasoning which holds you back as the abuser is long gone (in most instances).