I was sexually abused by my 2 brothers when I was younger. I don't remember the ages it started (maybe 10/11?) and stopped.
Memories are vague.
I don't remember saying no, telling them to stop or trying to shout out.
blaming yourself is sometimes easier than realizing that things can happen to you which are entirely out of your control. i have often said that sometimes when i look at the things i have said, it feels like i want it to be my fault. that i go through these mental gymnastics to almost make it my fault. because if it is my fault that means that i chose it. and that means that i could have stopped it. and that means it wasn't random.