Blindsided, confused and don't know what to do?

FauxLiz

Sponsor
I don't know where to post this because it could have gone under a lot of different forums so mods move if necessary

In January I was displaced (fancy way for saying terminated) from my job and have been underemployed since. I have been actively seeking a job in my field and have hoped to relocate to Florida for personal and health reasons. Last week I was tentatively offered a contract position for 6 months with potential to become permanent. I have been very excited about the opportunity and have begun making preparations to move as the position would begin May 2nd if the contract is approved on Tuesday.

Fast forward to today, I was doing more research about the area (I would be working for the local city government) and discovered that the community know as "Miracle Village" is 3 miles away and the organization that runs/oversees the community is based in the city where I would work. The thing is, just learning this triggered a panic attack. I know that none of the men that assaulted me are likely to be living there or be one of the individuals that have settled in the community due to lack of space but due to my history (SA by 5 different men not to include my ex-husband) I honestly don't know if I could feel comfortable there or if I would constantly be wondering if every man I was a member of the community or the organization and while I understand that the individuals involved have served their time, and I know this isn't on them. I just don't know if I am capable of working in the community. I know I wouldn't even try to live there, thank heavens that is not a requirement but in my work there are a lot of days where I work 10-14 hours and depending upon public meetings well into the night. The idea that I would stress about my safety every day at work I just don't know if I can take this job, I don't know if I am there in my healing or if I ever will be there.

I don't know maybe I am over reacting. Maybe it would be like a massive dose of exposure therapy. I need a better paying job soon or I will be homeless and worse, I just have no idea what to do and feel as though this is just another slap in the face by the universe.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
when in doubt, don't, buttttttttaaaaaa. . .

is it possible that the stretch outside your established comfort zone could open the door to healing potentials? just wondering. . .

healing hopes for all. no exceptions.
 

Friday

Moderator
I don't know maybe I am over reacting.
Probably?

Running the numbers :

There are 29,000 registered sex offenders in Florida.

Most cities have at least a couple hundred, to a couple thousand (registered, although clearly, the unregistered number of people who have never been caught, or have never been convicted with our whopping 3% conviction rate for rape) is going to be much higher.

So 54 duplexes & 200 residents (including family members)? Is boring/average/par for the course… EXCEPT

- there’s no per capita camouflage. IE, orlando, with 2429 registered sex offenders? The ratio is 1:143
- it may well be a topic -or even a hot topic- of conversation amongst the locals.
- emotions don’t logic so hot

So whether you’re (completely*) overreacting, or taking an honest appraisal* of how your symptoms tend to react given a certain set of variables? I couldn’t say.

* Honest Appraisal = Like mine uptick near military bases, they just do; and I know this, so if I want to be smart I have to account for it. That doesn’t mean I cannot live near military bases, but there are life things & stress cup things I reeeeeeally need to do, to live well/live amazingly, that I don’t have to do when I’m not living near bases. Personally, I don’t view this as any different from having things I (and everyone else on the planet) have to do to live well in the country vs in the city. Or that I have to do to live well/ live amazingly with ADHD. Or with young children. Or, or, or. I may not want to account for PTSD, ADHD, having young children, living in the city, etc. But when those factors are in play? Refusing to account for them is just a special brand of stupid (that I am far too familiar with!).

* Completely = Because you had a panic attack you know you’ve already overreacted. Whether you’re continuing to do so? Is likely to some degree, at least for a little while… but how much you can walk yourself back, and/or how much this is only an issue because of the stressors in play (jobless, threat of homelessness, moving, etc.)? Shrug. Whole lotta factors in play, that you would know far better than I.
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
s it possible that the stretch outside your established comfort zone could open the door to healing potentials? just wondering. . .
Is it possible, maybe, on the positive side since it is a temporary position and my permanent address won't change my T has agreed to continue with me even though it is in another state so I won't be left adrift without support trying to find a new T.
if I want to be smart I have to account for it.
Good point, there are sex offenders in every community they are just generally not all in a single "community" or neighborhood and therefore more or less invisible on any given day so I do take that into account.
Completely = Because you had a panic attack you know you’ve already overreacted.
I have been better after my initial reaction, and while it doesn't turn me off the idea of living in the county in general as I am possibly up for a permanent position in the same county different community further away. I know that may not be the most logical thing but I think the proximity of the community and the fact that their overflow population would be placed in the community where I work is the issue. You are correct about the ability of the rest of the population to "camouflage" their existence. Take your scenario of Orlando where there 1:143 people and this community has 200 residents. The community that I would work in has a population of just ovmn harder 5,000 vs Orlando's 280,000+ now I know that of the 200 residents some are family members so not all sex offenders but just doing a brief internet search including the community within a 5 mile radius of where I would work the ratio is closer to 1:100 and most are classified as "predators" vs "offenders" meaning repeat offenders or first-degree felony offenders.

I have T tomorrow so I will talk it over there, I will most likely move forward if the contract is approved simply because I need the better paying job to survive and being closer to the permanent position which would make an in person interview easier. I just wish for once things didn't always have to be so damn hard.
 

June70

Confident
I understand what you're saying. Knowing there are offenders out there somewhere is not the same as having a community of them nearby. Also, a panic attack might be "overreacting," but, given your past experience, it is certainly understandable!
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
So the good news is that a temp job that I had applied for where I am has just come through so if for some reason this contract doesn't get approved I am not left without a job, but I will have a position that actually pays $4.50 an hour more than I have been making and I can wait and see what happens with the permanent jobs I have been applying and interviewing for in Florida. I have also been able to secure housing 40 minutes away, within my budget (actually well below my budgeted housing allowance which will allow me to not need to work a second job during the contract which let me tell you is a weight off my mind because that means I might actually be able to enjoy some of the summer which I can't remember the last time I was able to do something like that. Not living anywhere near the community means that my exposure to Miracle Village will be limited and since the residents won't exactly be wearing a scarlet A or in this case O, its not like I will know an individuals status unless I know where they live.
 

June70

Confident
So the good news is that a temp job that I had applied for where I am has just come through so if for some reason this contract doesn't get approved I am not left without a job, but I will have a position that actually pays $4.50 an hour more than I have been making and I can wait and see what happens with the permanent jobs I have been applying and interviewing for in Florida. I have also been able to secure housing 40 minutes away, within my budget (actually well below my budgeted housing allowance which will allow me to not need to work a second job during the contract which let me tell you is a weight off my mind because that means I might actually be able to enjoy some of the summer which I can't remember the last time I was able to do something like that. Not living anywhere near the community means that my exposure to Miracle Village will be limited and since the residents won't exactly be wearing a scarlet A or in this case O, its not like I will know an individuals status unless I know where they live.
Great news!
 

FauxLiz

Sponsor
Met with my T after my last post, he had never heard of the community, not a big surprise is doesn't seem to be something that is publicized much. He thought it was actually a good thing that I was joking about it being a sick sort of exposure therapy and that I am willing to accept the short term position but I have made the decision and informed the organization that I will not be willing to consider the position as a permanent opportunity. Short term for not more than 6 months is one thing, but my professional code of ethics requires a two year commitment if I were to take the position as a permanent employee and that is simply unacceptable for me.
 
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