Lotsoflove
Confident
I am both a sufferer and A supporter of my mom and a guy I’ve been seeing.
my life has been a series of devastating events as early as 4 yrs old right onto now as an adult. I’ve felt my life was never destined to be easy. Maybe karma from family members(lots of skeletons) past life reincarnation or perhaps just shit luck of the Irish. For whatever reason I feel cursed or like a dark cloud has followed me my whole life. But also surrounded by guardian angels. And yet I’ve done everything in my power to beat the odds, beat the statistics as being a failure and raised a beautiful young lady on my own.
Despite what I’ve endured it has made me stronger and very tough. I may have hardened my child by being strict but loving and what I felt protected her from men in and out of my life.
She was finally old enough where I thought I can now have a life of my own and start dating. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been easy. As I suffer from many autoimmune diseases including kidney disease. And wouldn’t you know, the man I choose is a sufferer as well. A vet. With severe ptsd haven been in combat. Making him unavailable emotionally and physically most of the time. He has mastered the push and pull routine. Which I tend to justify his poor behavior with it’s the ptsd.
I feel like I’m running out of time. I’ll be an empty nester soon, my parents my supporters becoming elderly (god bless them) they neglected me but it wasn’t their fault they were served bad cards, and my diseases are progressive eventually causing kidney failure. Im always alone, feel undeserving of happiness, dont want to burden others. My biggest fear is not being a burden to anyone on the other side of coin I don’t want to do life alone anymore. When told I had 10 yrs to live, I gave up on marriage and having more kids. I’m so tired. Life is getting harder. And to top it off, with all my ailments including ptsd I still was denied disability. I take care of others for a living. My schedule is killing me . I’m trying so hard to stay afloat and take one day at a time
my life has been a series of devastating events as early as 4 yrs old right onto now as an adult. I’ve felt my life was never destined to be easy. Maybe karma from family members(lots of skeletons) past life reincarnation or perhaps just shit luck of the Irish. For whatever reason I feel cursed or like a dark cloud has followed me my whole life. But also surrounded by guardian angels. And yet I’ve done everything in my power to beat the odds, beat the statistics as being a failure and raised a beautiful young lady on my own.
Despite what I’ve endured it has made me stronger and very tough. I may have hardened my child by being strict but loving and what I felt protected her from men in and out of my life.
She was finally old enough where I thought I can now have a life of my own and start dating. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been easy. As I suffer from many autoimmune diseases including kidney disease. And wouldn’t you know, the man I choose is a sufferer as well. A vet. With severe ptsd haven been in combat. Making him unavailable emotionally and physically most of the time. He has mastered the push and pull routine. Which I tend to justify his poor behavior with it’s the ptsd.
I feel like I’m running out of time. I’ll be an empty nester soon, my parents my supporters becoming elderly (god bless them) they neglected me but it wasn’t their fault they were served bad cards, and my diseases are progressive eventually causing kidney failure. Im always alone, feel undeserving of happiness, dont want to burden others. My biggest fear is not being a burden to anyone on the other side of coin I don’t want to do life alone anymore. When told I had 10 yrs to live, I gave up on marriage and having more kids. I’m so tired. Life is getting harder. And to top it off, with all my ailments including ptsd I still was denied disability. I take care of others for a living. My schedule is killing me . I’m trying so hard to stay afloat and take one day at a time
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