Both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer at the same time


Both of my parents were diagnosed with cancer in October. My dad has pancreatic cancer and is going through chemo. My mom has breast cancer and just had her second operation (lumpectomy & mastectomy).

Of course I freaked out when they first told me. I am confident my mom is going to make it through this (although she has other health thing at a time). My dad, on the other hand, I do not have such confidence in him recovering. He’s in for 6 months of chemo, and it may not work. Surgery is not an option right now

I love my mom and am helping her through it all. She’s only told 2 people, me and my aunt, her sister, who has also had breast cancer. My mom does not want to tell my siblings. Yes, I know there will be hurt and anger when they are told, but it’s not my decision to make.

But really, I don’t have any concern for my dad. Emotionally, my relationship with him died 2 1/2 years ago. I tried to reconnect with him only to be told no, he would not see me. I keep trying only to be rejected again and again.

I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, and that’s why I’m posting.

2020 is a clusterf*ck dumpster fire and 2021 can’t get here fast enough.


Hi, it’s a hard one. I just want to be supportive. I want to say I went through this, but the truth is I’m still going through it because now, we’re my parents and my kids are trying to figure out what’s going to happen with us. But nobody knows. So you just show up. Courage and peace.


I'm so sorry. That effing sucks

. It's weirdly twisted for me facing the possibility/likelihood of losing my own father to his health issues and we haven't spoken more than 2-3 sentences in 10 years. It's still a lot to take in. They say losing one parent is a comma and the other a period. But even when not life threatening, any chronic illness in family is hard. I hope they both pull through well.


My mom sent my dad a sympathy card. I read it and it was appropriate. Things got weird during their divorce as my dad started dating a very jealous, controlling woman. I think I wrote about this before? There were issues with my dad seeing me, as she couldn’t handle it, and so I haven’t seen my dad socially in over 2 years (I saw him in passing during the divorce though.)

Anyway, on Christmas morning my mom gets a nasty text telling her that the card was thrown in the trash, unopened, and to never contact him again. WTF?! He is craaaazy

My mom is worried that my dad will try to get a restraining order. I said for what?! Sending a sympathy card?! You’ve had zero contact with him in a year and a half+ other than the card. A judge would throw it out. They live in different states anyway, and she hasn’t been to his city since before the divorce.

oh, and my dad didn’t even wish me a merry Christmas. 🙄 He didnt wish his sisters a merry Christmas either.

Still Standing

My mom had pancreatic cancer. It does not carry a good prognosis. And I commend your mom sending a card to your dad. She did what she felt was right for her. What the recipient does with the card is on them. Your dad's vitriol does not have to be your mom's. It is nice that you are there for your mom. When the time is right, she will tell your siblings, I am sure. I am sorry you are having to deal with such stress on top of your own issues.