Relationship boyfriend with ptsd simptoms

[alexa4555]

We are together for almost 1 year, and it was a really roller coster, it was love at first sight for both, we broke up for our relationship and after some time we started daiting. He was hot and cold from the very first time, but i didnt saw that this were signs. He broke up in the first month because he assumed that if i said that i wanted to spend time with him, in the future he will be the only one with initiative in this relationship. after 3 days that were very hard for me, we met and he told me that he love me. so signs everywhere. After 3 months we got engaged, and it was perfect, till recently when after some conflict he went out with friends and came home tell me to break up and live because he will hurt me. I stayed and now he is cold almost all the time. It s funny because in the beginnig i was all the time making jokes and he laugh at them, now at every joke i m making he is sad, he takes everything negative, sex is awesome but he is not ok most of the week, all the time he is stressed, he is happy only when i treat him like a child. So now i see the trauma that he was talking about that his childhood was so abusive and he wasn t treated good. He says i am the only person who was nice with him in this life. I see that he loves me, but is so hard to deal with his moods. He need space most of the time, it s ok with him only when we are in vacantion, the only time when he is ok and not stressed. We were like a family, with plans and everything, i love him like i ve never loved before. But to have a life like this is hard to think. I want to see him happy, i want to do something for him. Sometimes i can hug him, other time i can t, it s so emotionally not available. I can t live him like that. But i feel that i am not ok either, i can t focus at my job and i feel that i can t have power to keep my energy good for him, for me. And i am thinking what familly i will have, i don t want my kids to have a childhood like he had.
So communication is hard, from time to time i can discuss realt things with him, most of the time i am doing things to keep him happy. If anyone with ptsd here can give me an advice how to handle him and make his life better?

 

[Sweetpea76]

You aren’t going to be able to make his life better. We as supporters cannot fix or help with our partners’ PTSD, which sucks, because we all would if we could.

He has to get treatment and work on it himself. Has he gotten a diagnosis and had any kind of treatment?

 

[alexa4555]

You aren’t going to be able to make his life better. We as supporters cannot fix or help with our partners’ PTSD, which sucks, because we all would if we could.

He has to get treatment and work on it himself. Has he gotten a diagnosis and had any kind of treatment?

no, he only told me he had trauma form his childhood and also from his last relationship, where he wasn't treated to kind. so he is very sensitive now, I told him is not fair to put his baggage on me. I think i made his life better, he told me he can t remember when he was so happy, and that happened many times, the problem is that when he is in the ptsd mood is like he forget all that we lived together. I feel that he knows what are his problems but he fails sometimes to handle them, also all of his friends have avoidant attachement so are all alone, going out everynight and they are calliing him every day, so when he is going out with them often he is coming back home like he is another men, don t know what is happening,but he is very cold when he gets out with friends. If we are together he is more balanced and he sleeps more, so I can say that I know that I changed his life, but I can keep him of the hand every day. plus, we have a drawer with memories, post it with happy thoughts for him, so when i see him sad I show him some of that memories and he comes back. So things to help him are, but it is so hard. I can t tell him about this ptsd thing, i will tell him maybe when he will be in a good mood to talk, last girlfriend told him to go to a psychologist and she went also, but he didn t go. Thank you!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Well the good news is that not everybody with trauma gets PTSD. Only a certain percentage of people get PTSD from a specific type of Trauma. Assuming somebody has PTSD is not a good idea. It is better to have them seek psychiatric help and get a diagnosis so they can get the proper treatment for the proper issue.

Regardless of whatever his mental health status may be, he should be participating in the relationship.

 

[alexa4555]

he is participating but from time to time :( but you are right

 

[Melody Pink]

You can’t fix him, he will always have PTSD. You will always have a rollercoaster relationship. I wish I had more positive words for you. I’m in similiar type of relationship, his PTSD is Vietnam related. I’m working on extracting myself, it’s seems easier every time he has an episode. I love him, but I’m learning to love myself more & I respect he will never change, no matter how much he cares for me. He gives what he can… it’s becoming not enough for me. Good luck

 

[alexa4555]

You can’t fix him, he will always have PTSD. You will always have a rollercoaster relationship. I wish I had more positive words for you. I’m in similiar type of relationship, his PTSD is Vietnam related. I’m working on extracting myself, it’s seems easier every time he has an episode. I love him, but I’m learning to love myself more & I respect he will never change, no matter how much he cares for me. He gives what he can… it’s becoming not enough for me. Good luck

it's so f*cked up, this was the first thing he told me last year that he is f*cked up and he need me to make his life better. I am thinking if I was in his place I definitely felt lucky to have someone staying despite my bad mood. I still have energy to be there for him. It's hard and I know I can't fix him. You're right he gives what he can... and that is not enough :( I took another job just to be more occupied and give him all the space he needs when he come home, but those days when I don t even receive a hug from him are so strange for me. But I am thinking that my life was so good, my childhood was perfect, and he didn't had that in life so maybe this is the reason I met him, to give him some good time when he need it.