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Breaking Destructive Delusions

Discussion in 'General' started by Michael Lake, Aug 18, 2007.

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  1. Michael Lake

    Michael Lake New Member

    Though diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I complained to my VA doctor that I believed I had PTSD about two years ago. I asked for counseling, which I had never had in the 15 years since the army. Despite writing to the VA and my US Congresswoman many times after the doctor ignored me, still nothing happened.

    Several months ago when my doctor finally mentioned that he found out about my claims from someone else, he said he would put me on waiting lists for counseling and a special PTSD clinic. However, because of Iraq the waiting list could delay my help for up to a year!
    Instead of sitting still and letting my life go to hell, I had become a mental illness advocate. I had been protesting around Toledo, Ohio, where I live.

    To deal with a serious legal issue of harassment against me connected with my army PTSD I sent a criminal complaint to a sheriff in Ohio about conduct in his county civic court. His response was to contact the FBI! The FBI agent who visited me suggested that the sheriff thought I was a terrorist. Then the agent suggested that I should stop making these concerns a main street issue with protesting, etc, or I may end up in jail.

    Now to the focus of how PTSD can be a destructive and life threatening influence.

    My biggest PTSD problem outside the army came from my coworkers suggestion that his civic group might help my social problems. To make a long story short, the group found out about my mental health and started harassing me about it. They claimed I might kill members, etc. My coworker brought the destructive influence of these claims to work. Before long I was obsessed with these ideas and could not escape the nightmare.

    That started in 1998. I learned about PTSD and the stigma of mental illness only in the last few years. That is when I became an advocate and activist. Then in the last year I regained enough focus and self pride that I invented the parabolic discone and other noteworthy inventions for ham radio and national security. Search the internet or see my hamdomain.com website for my published inventions.

    The painful delusion that I am a terrorist out to kill people is part of my PTSD experience which hurt the most. This delusion was at conflict with my very nature. I have never threatened to kill another person in my entire life! At most, I had thought of killing myself to escape the pain and confusion of PTSD and the harassment I had lived through.

    Two jobs were destroyed by the harassment and concerns about my mental health. Then I became partially paralyzed by a spinal cord tumor that was missed because systems were confused with mental illness or other issues. Drugs to treat side effects like bladder spasms have made me too tired to do more than a few hours of work a day now. Inventing, protesting, and taking care of myself are all that I do now.

    At least it takes little energy to hold a protest sign in my electric wheelchair. I almost fall asleep doing it. Someday I hope someone joins me, or that local news people will listen.

    A week ago I mailed criminal charges against the people who had harassed me. I had complained in the past and no one took is seriously, so I might be wasting my time again. On the other hand, I do not want people to say that I did not try. All I have ever done was keep trying to do the right thing and finding out that the people who should care do not. Now this nutcase is talking about the nutcases who never listened to him.

    If there had been compassionate ways to deal with these issues I would have taken them. Now that is what I demand. Our nation is no better than Iraq when veterans and others with mental health problems are ignored until they go away or die.

    With me against the world I must hope to win, or die trying.

    Michael John Lake
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  3. She Cat

    She Cat Policy Enforcement Banned Premium Member Sponsor $100+


    Welcome to the forum....I do hope that you can unwind here, and do some work on yourself. There is tons of info, and great people too. So may I suggest, read, read read, all of the info that is posted throughout the site..

  4. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Michael, welcome. Fight for what you believe, absolutely; but its really not about winning or losing IMHO, but just being noticed in the first place typically brings awareness. Awareness is what PTSD is certainly getting, though I must definitely agree with you, some is good, some is bad.
  5. rt1967

    rt1967 Active Member

    Michael i really hope you can get some of the help you want and need .I am going to ask psychiatrist tomorrow what help i might be able to get and if not where if i can .This site seems to make more sense than anything i have ever been told so far.
  6. cactus_jack

    cactus_jack Well-Known Member

    I wish you the best Michael.
  7. ovation228

    ovation228 Member

    The stigma is one of the hardest things to get used to. I do not tell my coworkers. I hardly even know any of them, anyway. My wife and others that do know tend to treat me like a ticking bomb.

    I hope you can find what you need. It is awful to be treated in such a way.
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