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Breaking up, mixed feelings


My partner and I are breaking up. I’m feeling a lot of different ways about it. Part of me is relieved. It’s been a roller coaster, so it’ll be nice to have calm and order. I do well with predictability and routine. I know I’m going to be okay. But I’m really not okay right now.

I don’t have a support network. He’s been it for 2+ years. He’s the only person who knows me. So that part is scary. I’ve also never lived on my own and suddenly, I’m going to be the most alone I’ve ever been. Been making lists of things to do to keep busy and focussed on my health. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep alone in this place. I still get scared when I’m alone for even just a few hours. I’m worried that I’m just gonna disappear once there’s no one else here for me to be alive for. I probably need this. I just really don’t want it.

Don’t really want to say it out loud, but I need to, I think. I’m going to really miss this guy. That hasn’t been the case for me when my other relationships have ended. I’m so sad, and I’m worried it’s clouding my judgment. That I’m gonna make a fool of myself. Before he said he was leaving, I was determined to ask him to leave if he couldn’t give me the reassurances that I needed. His response to me asking for them was to say he was leaving. So really, I got my answer. I wanted a different one, but it was the one I expected to get.
I was recently in a sort of similar-ish situation... Very complicated, to I'll spare you the details... I was scared of the empty house too, wondered whether I'd cope with all the added responsibilities... We'd shared all the chores and tasks so I knew it would all be up to me from that point onwards... The first 4 weeks were rough... The first week was the worst... I slept a lot, had weird nightmares, had random panic moments... But I got through it and it got easier with each passing week and I managed to adjust and right now I'm very happy living here alone... It is now calm and order, as you say... It was a very good decision to have made (I ended up deciding that things couldn't go on as they were) and it's been so important for my mental health.

Wishing you well on this journey! Be kind to yourself. Do as much self-care as you possibly can, it'll help you get through it. And try to find some people/ places you can reach out for support.
Don’t really want to say it out loud, but I need to, I think. I’m going to really miss this guy. That hasn’t been the case for me when my other relationships have ended.
That’s a really good sign, that you’re going to miss him.

In a perfect world? Everyone we break up with is a darn good person, that has added a lot to our lives, made our lives better, that we’re really going to miss. And vice versa. Because the reasons why we’re breaking up? Have nothin to do with who they/we are, what they’ve or we’ve done (abusive, betraying, c*nts, to xyz)… but instead? Our lives don’t work well together / we want different things. And? We’re both honest about that, rather than attempting to be someone we’re not -or at least make them think that- to manipulate the other person into staying. So we break up when it’s clear it’s not working, and still really like/love/respect the ofher… instead of hating each other, years of misery later.

Before my first abusive relationship? ALL my relationships were like that / ended that way. Damn fine people. Which meant we usually stayed friends.

After my my first abusive relationship? It took years for my standards to scrape themselves up off the bottom of the barrel.

Breaking up with good people?

Is one of the best signs of that, I know. Because it means I’m dating good people, again. Who want different looking lives, than I do.