Broke up with my therapist - Do I tell my partner these things?

QuirkyLady22

New Here
Broke up with my therapist officially. I started seeing my old one on zoom that moved away before the pandemic. Now I can see her again because of zoom!

I was seeing this newer therapist since right before the pandemic. I’ve never broken up with a therapist but I have felt very uncomfortable since September.

She canceled a lot in November and December. One appt she took half an hour on scheduling (not exaggerating!) and was behaving strangely. I asked her numerous times if we could just schedule on email. The session that followed went poorly. After that I reached out yo my old therapist to see if she had openings online.

I kept seeing her for a few visits hoping things might change since she lives in my state but they didn’t. The last visit we had I told her the name of the person I am dating. She knows this person from recovery circles and I she gave me her opinion on them. A negative one. Saying various things.

This scared me and I was also uncomfortable. I didn’t tell her initially who he was because I didn’t want her opinion good or bad to influence my therapy. Then it was a sort of bad opinion.

So here’s the thing. I broke up with her. Do I tell my partner these things? ? I feel like it affected my thinking for a few weeks because she’s was my therapist. It made me doubt things. Have more fear.

I ultimately decided to make up my own mind. I’ve decided she is right about done things but wrong on so many others. This person has actively made changes in their life since being with me. This person isn’t abusive or mean to me. They are doing the work. History of trauma like me.

Thoughts? I’m worried if I tell my partner he will feel bad. I want to tell him because of what I went through. Now that I broke up with her it seems like a good time.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Gosh, sorry your T was so unprofessional. And she has now put you in this dilemma.

If you don't tell him, will it become this secret you are holding?
If you tell him, are you doing that to share or to re-assure your judgement of him?

(Edit: telling him may upset him. I think I would be really upset if someone, my partner no less, told me a therapist gave their opinion of me in their therapy session. I might be so upset as to make a formal complaint. Whatever his reaction, you haven't created it by saying. She created it by doing what she did. )
 

QuirkyLady22

New Here
Honestly, I know he would handle it really well. Even if it hurts on some level. I want to share. I feel like it’s a secret but I’m willing to bury it to save him any stress. I will forget about it eventually.

I feel like it negatively impacted things with us for a short period of time. I’ve been working through a lot of abandonment trauma. Therapists hold a lot of power. I’m glad I chose to go with my gut. He has his trauma issues like I do but I feel like he works harder than she thinks.

I feel like we have found refuge. We have different traumas and responses but we see them as just that..not as who we are as people. I have found connection after so many years without any real connection because of abusive cycles and my own trauma issues.

Gosh, sorry your T was so unprofessional. And she has now put you in this dilemma.

If you don't tell him, will it become this secret you are holding?
If you tell him, are you doing that to share or to re-assure your judgement of him?

(Edit: telling him may upset him. I think I would be really upset if someone, my partner no less, told me a therapist gave their opinion of me in their therapy session. I might be so upset as to make a formal complaint. Whatever his reaction, you haven't created it by saying. She created it by doing what she did. )
And thanks for the comment!
 

Friday

Moderator
So here’s the thing. I broke up with her. Do I tell my partner these things? ? I feel like it affected my thinking for a few weeks because she’s was my therapist. It made me doubt things. Have more fear.
Deciding what, how much, when, etc. to tell your partner about your therapy? Is going to very much be a personal decision. Series of personal decisions, rather, as one defines one’s own boundaries & the 2 of you create the expectations for your relationship going forward.

- How much do you/they discuss each other’s therapy outside of “I fired them because I didn’t like what they had to say about you.”?

- Is it usually a fait accompli, where decisions are made privately, and explained after the fact?
 

QuirkyLady22

New Here
Deciding what, how much, when, etc. to tell your partner about your therapy? Is going to very much be a personal decision. Series of personal decisions, rather, as one defines one’s own boundaries & the 2 of you create the expectations for your relationship going forward.

- How much do you/they discuss each other’s therapy outside of “I fired them because I didn’t like what they had to say about you.”?

- Is it usually a fait accompli, where decisions are made privately, and explained after the fact?
I feel like in general we share an overview of our therapy sessions. The things we worked on. Key insights. Aha moments. Some things in detail

On the one hand I think my partner would greatly appreciate me breaking up with her considering what happened. I don’t think I would say specifics. Just the gist. Why it made me uncomfortable and my process after the fact. How I saw a very different person than she does.
 
P

Paula

Gosh, sorry your T was so unprofessional. And she has now put you in this dilemma.

If you don't tell him, will it become this secret you are holding?
If you tell him, are you doing that to share or to re-assure your judgement of him?

(Edit: telling him may upset him. I think I would be really upset if someone, my partner no less, told me a therapist gave their opinion of me in their therapy session. I might be so upset as to make a formal complaint. Whatever his reaction, you haven't created it by saying. She created it by doing what she did. )

Tell you partner if you really want to. Its your decision to make that choice. I personally would NEVER tell my partner about me going to threrapy. Its none of their business. I will never let someone in close enough to do that. I have lived for more than 30 yrs without anyone and honestly,what can I possibly miss when I haven't experienced it. I have survived many dramas and being alone is completely safe. My therapist disagrees cause he is happily married. Don't know what that is like. Can't miss what you don't have
 
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