SeanCharles
Diamond Member
Okay,
Some bare Facts:
The deli management primarily consists of female managers during the shift I am scheduled to work. There are male managers in the Person In Charge (Supervisory) or in ways crew leadership roles. My interaction is not much compared to that of the women. One of the PICs I have to deal with is as I thought to myself... an overbearing version of Sheba with PMS hormones!
My thoughts/feelings where past (childhood trauma) is applicable:
Women in authority and I DO clash typically. Having been a child who was exploited by a female teenager is having a profound affect on me when I know that these women are there not to misuse me, although I feel I am being mistreated, thus triggering resistance from not only internally (my inner parts [Dissociative Identities] pushed outward externally) I know this may not be easily understood.
If you prefer, looking into a mirror and having an angry and different reflection looking back at you!
While I have yet to really do any writing of my trauma(s) here for a variety of reasons, non of which are a laziness, rather that task causes internal emotional turmoil which seems to be further stressing, not really helpful, not to mention the anxiety rising. Today my anxiety was over the top, especially when I discovered that corporate was paying us a visit (Including the President & Vice President) Ugh! Anyway, I was getting snappy with several co-workers until the one woman I claim to have zero issues with, and I started a dialogue which kinda snapped me out of this snappy mood I had suddenly unleashed on a few people including the one PIC mentioned above! I am not going to detail exactly what set me off, part of that was stupidity on my part.
What I am finding is that my anxiety is almost getting paralyzing. By this I mean I am getting tired of catching the bus home considering the feelings I am leaving work with, the fact that the last thing I want to do is walk home after reaching the transit hub (transit centre) where I could wait for another bus heading in my homeward direction. I guess what I am realizing is am beginning to lose the will to want to leave this house, anymore I am wondering if my safety isn't Sheba and this house?! I almost don't have any choice. I cannot just quit going to work, but I can't stand going to work either.
We'll see what this interview for Public Assistance (Medicaid, Food stamps, Cash Assistance) on Friday!
Some bare Facts:
The deli management primarily consists of female managers during the shift I am scheduled to work. There are male managers in the Person In Charge (Supervisory) or in ways crew leadership roles. My interaction is not much compared to that of the women. One of the PICs I have to deal with is as I thought to myself... an overbearing version of Sheba with PMS hormones!
My thoughts/feelings where past (childhood trauma) is applicable:
Women in authority and I DO clash typically. Having been a child who was exploited by a female teenager is having a profound affect on me when I know that these women are there not to misuse me, although I feel I am being mistreated, thus triggering resistance from not only internally (my inner parts [Dissociative Identities] pushed outward externally) I know this may not be easily understood.
If you prefer, looking into a mirror and having an angry and different reflection looking back at you!
While I have yet to really do any writing of my trauma(s) here for a variety of reasons, non of which are a laziness, rather that task causes internal emotional turmoil which seems to be further stressing, not really helpful, not to mention the anxiety rising. Today my anxiety was over the top, especially when I discovered that corporate was paying us a visit (Including the President & Vice President) Ugh! Anyway, I was getting snappy with several co-workers until the one woman I claim to have zero issues with, and I started a dialogue which kinda snapped me out of this snappy mood I had suddenly unleashed on a few people including the one PIC mentioned above! I am not going to detail exactly what set me off, part of that was stupidity on my part.
What I am finding is that my anxiety is almost getting paralyzing. By this I mean I am getting tired of catching the bus home considering the feelings I am leaving work with, the fact that the last thing I want to do is walk home after reaching the transit hub (transit centre) where I could wait for another bus heading in my homeward direction. I guess what I am realizing is am beginning to lose the will to want to leave this house, anymore I am wondering if my safety isn't Sheba and this house?! I almost don't have any choice. I cannot just quit going to work, but I can't stand going to work either.
We'll see what this interview for Public Assistance (Medicaid, Food stamps, Cash Assistance) on Friday!
