Sufferer C-PTSD, Child Abuse, sexual abuse and in and out of relationships with addicted people

unikone56

New Here
I have recently discovered, through my therapist, that all of the issues I have had over the years are cumulative complex PTSD. The abuse and neglect as a child, sexual abuse, and many relationships with addicted and abusive partners. It seems that that is the underlying culprit in my ongoing anxiety and depression issues. On top of that I have had a serious injury a few years ago, which is left me with chronic pain which has exacerbated my anxiety and depression. It’s hard to even see myself typing this, basically saying it out loud. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but I am now taking more steps towards self-care, including finally willing to take some anti-depressants, or at least try them. I have avoided that for many years now and try to do everything holistically, but I’m finding that I’m still struggling and needing more help than I thought. It’s nice to find this group and feel less alone. Thanks for adding me.
 

AngelKeeperJ

Sponsor
Welcome! I’m short on words these days, this time of year is a trigger period till January 1st but I have been helped by this forum for over 10 years.

I am sorry that you have gone through so much...but glad you found us!
AKJ
 
Hey, Welcome 😄 I totally emphasize with your serious injury. When something similar happened to me it really set me back. I thought at the time I would simply 'bounce back' after a year but it ended up triggering alot of residual pain I had not dealt with in life. I firmly believe there's a strong correlation between chronic pain and how it affects mental pain. There's no shame in taking Medication. Some people just have low levels of Serotonin in the brain. I tried in vain to 'get myself better' by focusing on health, exercise and filled my cupboards with vitamins! but for people with CPTSD it's extremely difficult. For me, meds stop me punishing myself with intrusive thoughts and feeling on high alert. I am prone to OCD type of thinking too where I used to get compulsive thoughts on a continuous loop! I don't know if this is common with people with CPTSD but I'm naturally a very optimistic, chilled person. I used to be against Meds, but life's short & you need to be happy. 😊
 

unikone56

New Here
Thank you, it's nice to hear a similar story. Yes, I thought I was at the hight of my life, turned 50, was in great shape, rode my bike, walked, played at the beach, swam in the ocean, was ready for the next chapter in my life. I was married, fairly happy. All of that crashed down as I struggled with my injury, then my divorce, and yes, then uncovered the CPTSD of my childhood through therapy. I have finally, after 6 years reached some physical and mental recovery, but still had the 'continuous loop' thoughts you mention. Always worrying about everything, especially after the Pandemic and getting Covid19. I have always had a mild anxiety, but all of that brought it to an all time high and mixed it with depression. I have changed my whole diet, supplements, I probably eat cleaner than many people I know, don't use/abuse drugs or alcohol, I try to live a great healthy life. I thought it was enough, but lately I have realized it isn't quite enough. I am starting to get used to the meds, tapering up to get used to a few side effects. I slept almost through the night last night for the first time in a long time, I'm hoping that is a good sign that I made the right choice with the meds. Thank you again and it is nice to get this kind of understanding and support. I hope things are going well for you. Gretchen
 
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