Sufferer C-PTSD, it's been a rough week for me.

I'm new here. I'm glad I found this place, but I'm sorry I didn't find it sooner unfortunately. I'm going to just be upfront and list my traumatic experiences.

1. From the age of about 7 to 9, and then 12 to 13, I had an abusive stepfather. He was mostly abusive towards my mother but he implemented psychological abuse against my younger brother and I. There was sexual abuse but not... physical. I'm not sure how to describe why it's abuse, something a lot of people have asked me to do, but my mother and step father would have intercourse with me awake in the hotel room we lived in. This happened many times.
2. My mother was verbally and mentally, and a few times, physically abusive. She struggles with addiction, but honestly I find it to be no excuse for not keeping her children safe. I also blame social services. We were only removed from her care 2 times and then returned to her, to the same situations. On one instance as punishment for lying about a single F, the rest of by grades being B's or higher, my stepfather gathered up all my clothes and burned them.
3. My father took his own life at age 30, when I was 6. My father was a unique ethnic mix, mixes from East Asia, and I was left without my culture when he left me. I consider this to be traumatic.
4. My adopted (yes, my mother was allowed to adopt a child e_e ) older brother bullied me for being chubby. He would do corporal punishment on me many times in my life and no one stepped in to stop him. No one cared.
5. At age 13 I was forced to raise my younger brother, 6 month old niece, and 2 year old nephew for a month during a snowstorm that stranded my family outside of the home. I did this while miscarrying.
6. I was bullied horrifically in school. I adopted the goth style. I was harassed, beaten, bullied, and tortured by other students.
7. After leaving my stepfather and moving 500 miles away, medical abuse from my mother started. She told everyone I was autistic (I am) and could never care for myself and she would have to take care of me forever. To keep up her lie I was forced to drop out of high school. I was in my bedroom for 7-8 months straight with nothing but a laptop and only left to get food or use the toilet. During this time I was kept on meds to make me groggy.
8. Met a man, an amazing man, entered into a relationship, moved with him to his hometown. Found out his family was homophobic (I am bisexual and recently came out as nonbinary). I was abused by his sister for being bisexual, and almost convinced to go to conversion therapy. His mother would curse at me in Spanish, his mother would talk about me like I wasn't in the room in Spanish. She always called me 'pinche chinita.' Still with him, we've cut off his family as much as we can. My worst flashbacks lately have been about his sister.

I have found coping. Roleplaying, that has been my biggest coping mechanism with writing as whole. I can write for hours, I can escape, I can work out trauma from things I've been through and walk out enlightened. Music, too. Music is my savior. I would be lost if it weren't for a select few albums (Morning Orbit by David Usher, WTF by KMFDM, Wish by The Cure, Firebird by Miyavi to name a few... there's way too many).

This has been my worst week yet. Almost nonstop flashbacks, nightmares, some bed wetting, and nonstop trigger contact.

And... I guess that's it. Thank you all for, well, listening and letting me be here. I appreciate it very much.
 
Welcome!

Yep...you will find people here can understand what you've gone thru and it's safe place to talk about it. Are you in therapy?
At the current time, I am freshly out of therapy. I had a bad experience with a new therapist, new as in I was one of her first 20 patients. So for now I am healing from the horrible things she said to me. I intend to be back in therapy by November. I am however keeping up with my psychiatrist and medications, and my own coping skills that are not unhealthy.
 
I'm new here. I'm glad I found this place, but I'm sorry I didn't find it sooner unfortunately. I'm going to just be upfront and list my traumatic experiences.

1. From the age of about 7 to 9, and then 12 to 13, I had an abusive stepfather. He was mostly abusive towards my mother but he implemented psychological abuse against my younger brother and I. There was sexual abuse but not... physical. I'm not sure how to describe why it's abuse, something a lot of people have asked me to do, but my mother and step father would have intercourse with me awake in the hotel room we lived in. This happened many times.
2. My mother was verbally and mentally, and a few times, physically abusive. She struggles with addiction, but honestly I find it to be no excuse for not keeping her children safe. I also blame social services. We were only removed from her care 2 times and then returned to her, to the same situations. On one instance as punishment for lying about a single F, the rest of by grades being B's or higher, my stepfather gathered up all my clothes and burned them.
3. My father took his own life at age 30, when I was 6. My father was a unique ethnic mix, mixes from East Asia, and I was left without my culture when he left me. I consider this to be traumatic.
4. My adopted (yes, my mother was allowed to adopt a child e_e ) older brother bullied me for being chubby. He would do corporal punishment on me many times in my life and no one stepped in to stop him. No one cared.
5. At age 13 I was forced to raise my younger brother, 6 month old niece, and 2 year old nephew for a month during a snowstorm that stranded my family outside of the home. I did this while miscarrying.
6. I was bullied horrifically in school. I adopted the goth style. I was harassed, beaten, bullied, and tortured by other students.
7. After leaving my stepfather and moving 500 miles away, medical abuse from my mother started. She told everyone I was autistic (I am) and could never care for myself and she would have to take care of me forever. To keep up her lie I was forced to drop out of high school. I was in my bedroom for 7-8 months straight with nothing but a laptop and only left to get food or use the toilet. During this time I was kept on meds to make me groggy.
8. Met a man, an amazing man, entered into a relationship, moved with him to his hometown. Found out his family was homophobic (I am bisexual and recently came out as nonbinary). I was abused by his sister for being bisexual, and almost convinced to go to conversion therapy. His mother would curse at me in Spanish, his mother would talk about me like I wasn't in the room in Spanish. She always called me 'pinche chinita.' Still with him, we've cut off his family as much as we can. My worst flashbacks lately have been about his sister.

I have found coping. Roleplaying, that has been my biggest coping mechanism with writing as whole. I can write for hours, I can escape, I can work out trauma from things I've been through and walk out enlightened. Music, too. Music is my savior. I would be lost if it weren't for a select few albums (Morning Orbit by David Usher, WTF by KMFDM, Wish by The Cure, Firebird by Miyavi to name a few... there's way too many).

This has been my worst week yet. Almost nonstop flashbacks, nightmares, some bed wetting, and nonstop trigger contact.

And... I guess that's it. Thank you all for, well, listening and letting me be here. I appreciate it very much.

I am newly diagnosed with cptsd this week, as well, and the emotional flashbacks have been nuts. I’m with you and here if you need support.
 
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