Hi all
I've been reconnecting with my previous long-term partner, and we're exploring the possibility of getting back together. We were together for four years, civil unioned (before Australia legislated marriage equality) and committed as life partners and family. We broke up a year ago, and have recently acknowledged to each other that we're still very much in love. We've been doing a lot of self-work and learning in our time apart.
The trouble is, she has some highly avoidant behaviour when she's stressed or responding to conflict, and in response to that my fear is triggered and I go into fawning behaviour. I find this extremely distressing in the moment, and it takes me a while to calm my heightened feelings - sometimes hours, often days. Loss and neglect are strong childhood triggers for me, and I can be very sensitive to her emotional disconnect. Some of the strategies I use are reading Pete Walker's books or some fiction, having a bath, meditating/mindfullness, taking a walk in nature, or cuddling my sweet dog.
Although I was diagnosed almost 8 years ago, I'm still learning to open up about my C-PTSD with dear ones in my life - so historically I haven't spoken about this much to anyone but my partner. Much of my emotional triggers are activated with my partner though - so I know I need to open up to others for support when her and I are processing things in our relationship.
I feel relationship counselling would be helpful. We tried it once but didn't have a strong connection with the therapist. It's also very expensive in Australia, and can be tricky to find a good one.
One of the reasons I joined this forum was that issues in my inter-personal relationships are one of the areas in my life I find most distressing, and I feel there's some healing in sharing this with others, and hearing about the ways others respond to similar challenges. I also have my very first face-to-face peer support group tmrw night - I'm a bit nervous!
Thanks :)
I've been reconnecting with my previous long-term partner, and we're exploring the possibility of getting back together. We were together for four years, civil unioned (before Australia legislated marriage equality) and committed as life partners and family. We broke up a year ago, and have recently acknowledged to each other that we're still very much in love. We've been doing a lot of self-work and learning in our time apart.
The trouble is, she has some highly avoidant behaviour when she's stressed or responding to conflict, and in response to that my fear is triggered and I go into fawning behaviour. I find this extremely distressing in the moment, and it takes me a while to calm my heightened feelings - sometimes hours, often days. Loss and neglect are strong childhood triggers for me, and I can be very sensitive to her emotional disconnect. Some of the strategies I use are reading Pete Walker's books or some fiction, having a bath, meditating/mindfullness, taking a walk in nature, or cuddling my sweet dog.
Although I was diagnosed almost 8 years ago, I'm still learning to open up about my C-PTSD with dear ones in my life - so historically I haven't spoken about this much to anyone but my partner. Much of my emotional triggers are activated with my partner though - so I know I need to open up to others for support when her and I are processing things in our relationship.
I feel relationship counselling would be helpful. We tried it once but didn't have a strong connection with the therapist. It's also very expensive in Australia, and can be tricky to find a good one.
One of the reasons I joined this forum was that issues in my inter-personal relationships are one of the areas in my life I find most distressing, and I feel there's some healing in sharing this with others, and hearing about the ways others respond to similar challenges. I also have my very first face-to-face peer support group tmrw night - I'm a bit nervous!
Thanks :)