C-PTSD x2?

Sparky291

New Here
I used to work with people who suffered from abuse disabilities, addictions and criminality. I was diagnosed 8 years ago by 3 psychiatrics, I was on STD for 6-8 months but wanted to return to work. After 6 different placements the 7th was the charm and have been working there for almost 4 years.

During that time I worked through a lot of my work related incidents, and while this job is completely unrelated...I am having difficulties with working a full week, isolating myself behind a locked office door, starting work at 5 am so as not to have to deal with coworkers etc.

During my wellness plan I did 2 years of CBT with a psychologist and 3 years with a psychiatrist. I felt well enough to leave CBT but 6 months later found out my shrink was leaving town. So there has been a 18 month lull without that level of support. Needless to say I have been treading water but barely.

During my treatment I recognize that I may have been predisposed to PTSD as my father was in WWII and had a lot of characteristics of shell shock. On top of which, he was verbally abusive to my mother at times and physically abusive to my older brother and once with me. As I as the baby in the family I witnessed a great deal. I also move schools in Grades 3, 7 and 11.

My mother was also verbally abusive to me-and hypercritical about everything. I ended up cutting off contact with her after my father died as it was too much to deal with her. My therapist wanted me to explore my childhood trauma but at the time I just wanted to deal with work related incidents. Now I am thinking hat the stuff I witnessed/experienced may have caused more damage than I realized.

I am on a variety of meds to deal not only with my C-PTSD but I also suffered a heart attack 8.5 years ago. I am worried that once I open Pandora’s Box my childhood trauma will be too much to deal with.

Any thoughts are welcomed :)
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. Glad you found us, but not glad for the reason.

Sounds as if you need validation for what you already know you need to do. Treading water to keep from drowning is exhausting. Have been there many times myself.

And here's the thing, you have concerns for your own mental health. You were in a field that helped you understand the levels of dysfunction and what it can lead to.

So give yourself the gift of further recovery. I did like you, had different T's for different things. But there came a time I had to get down and really find out about me and what I needed to heal and what I needed to change.

Times are very difficult to find a reliable and relatable therapist. So I do wish you success with your search. It's never too early to start looking.

This forum is a great source of support and validation so don't hesitate to come here, ask questions, or just share what's going on with you. We have to have others that understand and hear what we are saying.

You are not alone and hope to see you around as you feel comfortable.
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
I used to work with people who suffered from abuse disabilities, addictions and criminality. I was diagnosed 8 years ago by 3 psychiatrics, I was on STD for 6-8 months but wanted to return to work. After 6 different placements the 7th was the charm and have been working there for almost 4 years.
Congratulations on a successful job placement. Welcome to the forum. Glad to meet you, though saddened for what brings you here.
During that time I worked through a lot of my work related incidents, and while this job is completely unrelated...I am having difficulties with working a full week, isolating myself behind a locked office door, starting work at 5 am so as not to have to deal with coworkers etc.
How is this working out? I isolate most of the time in my own home. I have a very hard time interacting with people in person at all.
During my wellness plan I did 2 years of CBT with a psychologist and 3 years with a psychiatrist. I felt well enough to leave CBT but 6 months later found out my shrink was leaving town. So there has been a 18 month lull without that level of support. Needless to say I have been treading water but barely.
I'm sorry this has been hard for you. I am very thankful that I now have a support system. I don't want to go back to being without one.
During my treatment I recognize that I may have been predisposed to PTSD as my father was in WWII and had a lot of characteristics of shell shock. On top of which, he was verbally abusive to my mother at times and physically abusive to my older brother and once with me. As I as the baby in the family I witnessed a great deal. I also move schools in Grades 3, 7 and 11.

My mother was also verbally abusive to me-and hypercritical about everything. I ended up cutting off contact with her after my father died as it was too much to deal with her. My therapist wanted me to explore my childhood trauma but at the time I just wanted to deal with work related incidents. Now I am thinking hat the stuff I witnessed/experienced may have caused more damage than I realized.
Childhood trauma is so very hard on us. Especially verbal abuse. It attacks the very essence of who we are. It can indeed injury us for life.
I am on a variety of meds to deal not only with my C-PTSD but I also suffered a heart attack 8.5 years ago. I am worried that once I open Pandora’s Box my childhood trauma will be too much to deal with.
Oh man. A heart attack? That's got to be scary. I can't really imagine.

One nice thing about therapy for me is I'm in control. I decided when and what I want to process. This week I'm processing absolutely nothing. We just went through Thanksgiving and I have a cold. It's enough for me to just nurse my cold and pamper myself this week. Maybe next week I will process more again. Maybe not.

If you start processing childhood trauma and it gets to be too much, you can always take a break. Or leave it alone for a year. It's your life, your trauma, your choice.
Any thoughts are welcomed :)
Again, welcome. You'll find a lot of compassionate folks here, many who will be able to relate to what you are going through.

Hoping you find peace and healing.

Woodsy1
 
Top