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Can’t feel properly

I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing increased fatigue and feelings of chilliness, especially in the context of an ongoing triggering situation at work. It's important to recognize the potential impact of **stress** and **emotional distress** on your physical well-being, including symptoms like fatigue and changes in body temperature regulation. Here are a few ways in which workplace stress and ongoing triggers may be contributing to your current physical and emotional experiences:

1. **Stress Response**:
- Chronic stress, whether related to work dynamics, interpersonal conflicts, or triggering situations, can activate your body's **stress response** system, leading to increased levels of cortisol and adrenaline. Prolonged activation of the stress response can contribute to fatigue, fluctuations in body temperature, and disruptions in sleep patterns, even if you haven't made changes to your diet or sleep routine.

2. **Emotional Exhaustion**:
- Protracted exposure to triggering situations, such as those in the workplace, can result in **emotional exhaustion** and burnout symptoms. Emotional fatigue can manifest as increased feelings of tiredness, reduced energy levels, and difficulty in managing daily tasks effectively.

3. **Sleep Disturbances**:
- While you mention that you already don't sleep well, heightened stress levels and emotional distress can exacerbate existing **sleep disturbances** and impact the quality of your rest. Poor sleep quality can further contribute to feelings of fatigue, irritability, and challenges in regulating body temperature.

Given the connection between your heightened fatigue, increased chilliness, and the triggering situation at work, it may be beneficial to consider implementing **self-care** practices and **stress-management** strategies to support your well-being. Prioritizing **regular breaks**, engaging in **physical activity**, practicing **mindfulness** or **meditation**, and seeking **emotional support** can be valuable steps in mitigating the impact of workplace stress on your physical and emotional health.

Additionally, if the symptoms persist or become concerning, I recommend considering consulting with a **healthcare provider** or **mental health professional** for a comprehensive evaluation. They can help assess your symptoms, offer guidance on coping strategies, and provide support tailored to your unique needs and experiences.

How do you feel about exploring self-care practices and stress-management strategies to address the fatigue and chilliness you've been experiencing in response to the triggering situation at work? What steps resonate with you as potential ways to prioritize your well-being and navigate the impact of workplace stress on your physical and emotional health during this challenging time?
I do have a therapist who’s specialised in trauma and we’re discussing it.

How common is it for people who’ve experienced coercive control to feel unsafe questioning their thoughts even if they’re aware that there’s a possibility that the thoughts are more representative of the past than the present?
 
I do have a therapist who’s specialised in trauma and we’re discussing it.

How common is it for people who’ve experienced coercive control to feel unsafe questioning their thoughts even if they’re aware that there’s a possibility that the thoughts are more representative of the past than the present?
It's positive to hear that you have a therapist specializing in trauma with whom you're discussing your experiences. The exploration of coercive control and its impact on your sense of safety and thought processes in therapy can be a valuable opportunity to deepen your understanding and work towards healing and recovery. It's not uncommon for individuals who have experienced coercive control to feel unsafe questioning their thoughts, even when they intellectually recognize that their current thoughts may be influenced by past experiences rather than reflecting present reality.

Here are a few factors that may contribute to this common response among individuals who have experienced coercive control:

1. **Internalized Beliefs**:
- Coercive control can involve manipulation tactics that aim to undermine a person's sense of agency, autonomy, and self-trust. As a result, individuals may internalize **maladaptive beliefs** about their thoughts, emotions, and perceptions, leading to self-doubt and difficulty in discerning between past conditioning and present experiences.

2. **Fear of Repercussions**:
- Persistent exposure to coercive control can instill **fear** of challenging authority figures, questioning one's own judgment, or asserting personal boundaries. This fear may manifest as reluctance to question thoughts or beliefs, even when there's an awareness of their potential origin in past trauma.

3. **Trauma Triggers**:
- Trauma responses, including **hypervigilance**, **hyperarousal**, and **dissociation**, can amplify feelings of **unsafety** and trigger protective mechanisms that inhibit critical reflection and cognitive processing. The physiological and emotional effects of trauma can create barriers to examining and challenging ingrained thought patterns.

Given these complex dynamics, it's important to approach the process of questioning thoughts and beliefs with **compassion**, **curiosity**, and **self-validation**. Your therapist, with their expertise in trauma, can guide you through this exploration in a safe and supportive environment, facilitating insights, coping strategies, and healing interventions to address the impact of coercive control on your cognitive and emotional well-being.

How does this understanding resonate with your experiences of feeling unsafe questioning your thoughts in the context of past coercive control? What strategies or approaches feel supportive and empowering as you navigate this internal process of self-reflection and discernment between past influences and present realities?
 
It's positive to hear that you have a therapist specializing in trauma with whom you're discussing your experiences. The exploration of coercive control and its impact on your sense of safety and thought processes in therapy can be a valuable opportunity to deepen your understanding and work towards healing and recovery. It's not uncommon for individuals who have experienced coercive control to feel unsafe questioning their thoughts, even when they intellectually recognize that their current thoughts may be influenced by past experiences rather than reflecting present reality.

Here are a few factors that may contribute to this common response among individuals who have experienced coercive control:

1. **Internalized Beliefs**:
- Coercive control can involve manipulation tactics that aim to undermine a person's sense of agency, autonomy, and self-trust. As a result, individuals may internalize **maladaptive beliefs** about their thoughts, emotions, and perceptions, leading to self-doubt and difficulty in discerning between past conditioning and present experiences.

2. **Fear of Repercussions**:
- Persistent exposure to coercive control can instill **fear** of challenging authority figures, questioning one's own judgment, or asserting personal boundaries. This fear may manifest as reluctance to question thoughts or beliefs, even when there's an awareness of their potential origin in past trauma.

3. **Trauma Triggers**:
- Trauma responses, including **hypervigilance**, **hyperarousal**, and **dissociation**, can amplify feelings of **unsafety** and trigger protective mechanisms that inhibit critical reflection and cognitive processing. The physiological and emotional effects of trauma can create barriers to examining and challenging ingrained thought patterns.

Given these complex dynamics, it's important to approach the process of questioning thoughts and beliefs with **compassion**, **curiosity**, and **self-validation**. Your therapist, with their expertise in trauma, can guide you through this exploration in a safe and supportive environment, facilitating insights, coping strategies, and healing interventions to address the impact of coercive control on your cognitive and emotional well-being.

How does this understanding resonate with your experiences of feeling unsafe questioning your thoughts in the context of past coercive control? What strategies or approaches feel supportive and empowering as you navigate this internal process of self-reflection and discernment between past influences and present realities?
It definitely makes sense to me, it particularly feels unsafe for me to question if someone is actually “safer” than I’m perceiving them to be if I’m perceiving them as a threatening or dangerous person in the moment due to being chronically triggered.

I know that questioning my instincts about someone, even if I’m aware that those instincts are likely trauma related, is a direct trigger because I used to find so many excuses for abusive behaviour in the past to remain in denial
 
It definitely makes sense to me, it particularly feels unsafe for me to question if someone is actually “safer” than I’m perceiving them to be if I’m perceiving them as a threatening or dangerous person in the moment due to being chronically triggered.

I know that questioning my instincts about someone, even if I’m aware that those instincts are likely trauma related, is a direct trigger because I used to find so many excuses for abusive behaviour in the past to remain in denial
Thank you for sharing your insight into the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and navigating the impact of chronic triggers on your ability to trust your instincts, particularly in relation to assessing potential threats or danger in others. It's understandable that past experiences of coercive control and **abusive behavior** can shape your current perceptions and responses to perceived threats, creating a complex interplay between your instinctual reactions, trauma-related beliefs, and the process of discerning present safety.

Here are a few considerations that may resonate with your experiences:

1. **Instinctual Responses and Trauma Triggers**:
- **Trauma responses**, including **hypervigilance** and **heightened arousal**, can influence your instinctual reactions to perceived threats, potentially leading to **increased vigilance** and **sensitivity** to cues of danger. These responses serve as protective mechanisms developed in response to past experiences of abuse and coercion, shaping your perception of safety in interpersonal interactions.

2. **Distrust of Instinctual Responses**:
- The **distrust** that arises from questioning your instincts about others, especially when those perceptions are influenced by trauma-related triggers, can stem from a history of **minimizing** or **rationalizing** abusive behavior to maintain a sense of safety or denial. Reexamining your perceptions and beliefs about safety can trigger feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty, particularly if past experiences have reinforced patterns of overlooking red flags or excusing harmful behaviors.

3. **Balancing Self-Protection and Openness**:
- Navigating the tension between **self-protection** and **openness** in assessing potential threats is a nuanced process, especially when past trauma informs your perceptions of safety. Recognizing that your instincts may be influenced by trauma while also honoring your need for safety and boundaries can be a delicate balance, requiring **self-compassion** and **validation** of your experiences.

As you navigate the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and negotiating the impact of past trauma on your instincts, working collaboratively with your therapist can provide a supportive space for exploring these complex dynamics. Your therapist can help you cultivate **self-trust**, **boundary-setting skills**, and **empowerment** in discerning genuine threats from trauma-related triggers, fostering a sense of agency in navigating relationships and interactions that align with your well-being.

How does this reflection align with your experiences of grappling with instinctual responses, trauma triggers, and the struggle to trust your perceptions of safety in the context of past abusive behaviors and coercive control? What support or strategies have felt beneficial in strengthening your sense of self-trust and navigating the fine line between vigilance and openness in assessing potential threats or danger in interpersonal dynamics?
 
Thank you for sharing your insight into the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and navigating the impact of chronic triggers on your ability to trust your instincts, particularly in relation to assessing potential threats or danger in others. It's understandable that past experiences of coercive control and **abusive behavior** can shape your current perceptions and responses to perceived threats, creating a complex interplay between your instinctual reactions, trauma-related beliefs, and the process of discerning present safety.

Here are a few considerations that may resonate with your experiences:

1. **Instinctual Responses and Trauma Triggers**:
- **Trauma responses**, including **hypervigilance** and **heightened arousal**, can influence your instinctual reactions to perceived threats, potentially leading to **increased vigilance** and **sensitivity** to cues of danger. These responses serve as protective mechanisms developed in response to past experiences of abuse and coercion, shaping your perception of safety in interpersonal interactions.

2. **Distrust of Instinctual Responses**:
- The **distrust** that arises from questioning your instincts about others, especially when those perceptions are influenced by trauma-related triggers, can stem from a history of **minimizing** or **rationalizing** abusive behavior to maintain a sense of safety or denial. Reexamining your perceptions and beliefs about safety can trigger feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty, particularly if past experiences have reinforced patterns of overlooking red flags or excusing harmful behaviors.

3. **Balancing Self-Protection and Openness**:
- Navigating the tension between **self-protection** and **openness** in assessing potential threats is a nuanced process, especially when past trauma informs your perceptions of safety. Recognizing that your instincts may be influenced by trauma while also honoring your need for safety and boundaries can be a delicate balance, requiring **self-compassion** and **validation** of your experiences.

As you navigate the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and negotiating the impact of past trauma on your instincts, working collaboratively with your therapist can provide a supportive space for exploring these complex dynamics. Your therapist can help you cultivate **self-trust**, **boundary-setting skills**, and **empowerment** in discerning genuine threats from trauma-related triggers, fostering a sense of agency in navigating relationships and interactions that align with your well-being.

How does this reflection align with your experiences of grappling with instinctual responses, trauma triggers, and the struggle to trust your perceptions of safety in the context of past abusive behaviors and coercive control? What support or strategies have felt beneficial in strengthening your sense of self-trust and navigating the fine line between vigilance and openness in assessing potential threats or danger in interpersonal dynamics?
This makes
Thank you for sharing your insight into the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and navigating the impact of chronic triggers on your ability to trust your instincts, particularly in relation to assessing potential threats or danger in others. It's understandable that past experiences of coercive control and **abusive behavior** can shape your current perceptions and responses to perceived threats, creating a complex interplay between your instinctual reactions, trauma-related beliefs, and the process of discerning present safety.

Here are a few considerations that may resonate with your experiences:

1. **Instinctual Responses and Trauma Triggers**:
- **Trauma responses**, including **hypervigilance** and **heightened arousal**, can influence your instinctual reactions to perceived threats, potentially leading to **increased vigilance** and **sensitivity** to cues of danger. These responses serve as protective mechanisms developed in response to past experiences of abuse and coercion, shaping your perception of safety in interpersonal interactions.

2. **Distrust of Instinctual Responses**:
- The **distrust** that arises from questioning your instincts about others, especially when those perceptions are influenced by trauma-related triggers, can stem from a history of **minimizing** or **rationalizing** abusive behavior to maintain a sense of safety or denial. Reexamining your perceptions and beliefs about safety can trigger feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty, particularly if past experiences have reinforced patterns of overlooking red flags or excusing harmful behaviors.

3. **Balancing Self-Protection and Openness**:
- Navigating the tension between **self-protection** and **openness** in assessing potential threats is a nuanced process, especially when past trauma informs your perceptions of safety. Recognizing that your instincts may be influenced by trauma while also honoring your need for safety and boundaries can be a delicate balance, requiring **self-compassion** and **validation** of your experiences.

As you navigate the challenge of questioning your perceptions of safety and negotiating the impact of past trauma on your instincts, working collaboratively with your therapist can provide a supportive space for exploring these complex dynamics. Your therapist can help you cultivate **self-trust**, **boundary-setting skills**, and **empowerment** in discerning genuine threats from trauma-related triggers, fostering a sense of agency in navigating relationships and interactions that align with your well-being.

How does this reflection align with your experiences of grappling with instinctual responses, trauma triggers, and the struggle to trust your perceptions of safety in the context of past abusive behaviors and coercive control? What support or strategies have felt beneficial in strengthening your sense of self-trust and navigating the fine line between vigilance and openness in assessing potential threats or danger in interpersonal dynamics?
this makes a lot of sense to me. Honestly, I find it very very difficult to allow openness in interpersonal relationships (i.e. considering that my threat cues are unwarranted and that the person is safe) and the only thing I have found to be helpful is to allow myself to see them as a threat while also being aware that the perception of threat may pass, and to not take any action solely based on emotions and just observe myself, then, and the entire situation as best as possible. I generally have and extremely difficult time trusting and letting anyone “in” and can honestly say that I don’t fully trust anyone enough to entirely let my guard down
 
This makes
sense to me and I’m currently working with my therapist to build my self-trust and to navigate these difficult areas. I appreciate your insights and validation of these challenges. Thank you for your support.

this makes a lot of sense to me. Honestly, I find it very very difficult to allow openness in interpersonal relationships (i.e. considering that my threat cues are unwarranted and that the person is safe) and the only thing I have found to be helpful is to allow myself to see them as a threat while also being aware that the perception of threat may pass, and to not take any action solely based on emotions and just observe myself, then, and the entire situation as best as possible. I generally have and extremely difficult time trusting and letting anyone “in” and can honestly say that I don’t fully trust anyone enough to entirely let my guard down
It's commendable that you're actively engaging with your challenges in allowing openness in interpersonal relationships and navigating your perceptions of threat cues while also acknowledging your struggles with trust and vulnerability. Your approach of **observing** your emotions and responses without immediate action, **acknowledging** the perception of threat while recognizing its potential transient nature, and **maintaining self-awareness** in the midst of these dynamics can be a valuable strategy in managing the complexities of past trauma's impact on current relationships.

Here are a few reflections and considerations based on your experiences:

1. **Mindful Observation**:
- Practicing **mindful observation** of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations in response to perceived threat cues can enhance your **self-awareness** and aid in differentiating between past triggers and present interactions. Engaging in **self-reflection** without immediate reactivity allows space for **insight** and **clarity** in navigating challenging relational dynamics.

2. **Balancing Vigilance and Openness**:
- Striking a balance between acknowledging potential threats and allowing **openness** in interpersonal relationships is a gradual and nuanced process, particularly for individuals who have experienced past traumas. Cultivating a sense of **emotional safety** through self-validation and boundary-setting can support your journey in gradually **building trust** and **authentic connections** with others.

3. **Self-Compassion and Patience**:
- Showing **self-compassion** and **patience** with yourself as you navigate these intricate layers of trust and vulnerability is essential. Recognizing that **healing** and **growth** happen at your own pace, and that it's okay to set **boundaries** and prioritize **emotional well-being** in relationships, can empower you to engage authentically with others while honoring your own needs.

Your commitment to **self-awareness**, **self-observation**, and **emotional regulation** in the context of past traumas speaks to your resilience and dedication to navigating challenging relational dynamics. It's okay to honor your **boundaries**, prioritize your **emotional safety**, and gradually **explore trust and openness** in your own time and manner.

How do you feel about incorporating mindful observation, self-compassion, and boundary-setting as supportive strategies in navigating your challenges with trust, vulnerability, and openness in relationships? What aspects of these approaches resonate with you as empowering steps in fostering authentic connections and self-nurturance while honoring your emotional needs and boundaries?
 
sense to me and I’m currently working with my therapist to build my self-trust and to navigate these difficult areas. I appreciate your insights and validation of these challenges. Thank you for your support.


It's commendable that you're actively engaging with your challenges in allowing openness in interpersonal relationships and navigating your perceptions of threat cues while also acknowledging your struggles with trust and vulnerability. Your approach of **observing** your emotions and responses without immediate action, **acknowledging** the perception of threat while recognizing its potential transient nature, and **maintaining self-awareness** in the midst of these dynamics can be a valuable strategy in managing the complexities of past trauma's impact on current relationships.

Here are a few reflections and considerations based on your experiences:

1. **Mindful Observation**:
- Practicing **mindful observation** of your thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations in response to perceived threat cues can enhance your **self-awareness** and aid in differentiating between past triggers and present interactions. Engaging in **self-reflection** without immediate reactivity allows space for **insight** and **clarity** in navigating challenging relational dynamics.

2. **Balancing Vigilance and Openness**:
- Striking a balance between acknowledging potential threats and allowing **openness** in interpersonal relationships is a gradual and nuanced process, particularly for individuals who have experienced past traumas. Cultivating a sense of **emotional safety** through self-validation and boundary-setting can support your journey in gradually **building trust** and **authentic connections** with others.

3. **Self-Compassion and Patience**:
- Showing **self-compassion** and **patience** with yourself as you navigate these intricate layers of trust and vulnerability is essential. Recognizing that **healing** and **growth** happen at your own pace, and that it's okay to set **boundaries** and prioritize **emotional well-being** in relationships, can empower you to engage authentically with others while honoring your own needs.

Your commitment to **self-awareness**, **self-observation**, and **emotional regulation** in the context of past traumas speaks to your resilience and dedication to navigating challenging relational dynamics. It's okay to honor your **boundaries**, prioritize your **emotional safety**, and gradually **explore trust and openness** in your own time and manner.

How do you feel about incorporating mindful observation, self-compassion, and boundary-setting as supportive strategies in navigating your challenges with trust, vulnerability, and openness in relationships? What aspects of these approaches resonate with you as empowering steps in fostering authentic connections and self-nurturance while honoring your emotional needs and boundaries?
I just wish I was able to trust people more. Logically I know that I can, but something else just won’t allow it
 
I just wish I was able to trust people more. Logically I know that I can, but something else just won’t allow it
It's understandable to have the desire to trust others more deeply while feeling hindered by internal barriers that make it challenging to fully embrace trust in interpersonal relationships. The conflict between your **logical recognition** of the potential for trust and the **emotional hesitancy** or **resistance** that arises can reflect the complexities of **past traumas** and **trust wounds** that influence your current perceptions and behaviors.

Here are a few considerations and reflections on the struggle to trust others despite your logical understanding:

1. **Impact of Past Trauma**:
- **Past experiences of coercive control** and **abusive behaviors** can leave lasting imprints on your **capacity to trust** and your **perception of safety** in relationships. Trauma-related **hurt**, **betrayal**, and **vulnerability** can contribute to a sense of **guardedness** and **vigilance** in interactions with others, despite your logical acknowledgment of potential trustworthiness.

2. **Inner Conflict and Defense Mechanisms**:
- The inner conflict between your **desire for connection** and your **protective instincts** can manifest as barriers to **vulnerability** and **openness** in relationships. **Defense mechanisms** developed in response to past traumas may heighten your sense of **distrust** and **reluctance** to fully engage with others, even when you recognize the possibility of trust.

3. **Healing and Self-Compassion**:
- **Navigating trust** can be a gradual and **healing process** that involves **self-compassion**, **self-awareness**, and **support** from trusted individuals, including **therapists** and **support networks**. Acknowledging your **hesitations** and **vulnerabilities** with **kindness** and **patience** can create a **foundation** for **trust-building** and **emotional growth** in relationships.

Exploring the roots of your difficulty in trusting others, processing past traumas, and nurturing **self-trust** and **emotional safety** can be valuable aspects of your healing journey. Recognizing that **trust** unfolds at your own pace and that **progress** is nonlinear can empower you to **honor** your **boundaries** and **needs** while gradually **expanding** your **capacity for trust**.

How do you feel about the interplay between your **logical recognition** of trust and the **emotional barriers** that hinder your ability to fully embrace trust? What aspects of incorporating **healing**, **self-compassion**, and **support** resonate with you as steps in navigating the complexities of **trust-building** and **vulnerability** in relationships while honoring your own **emotional well-being** and boundaries?
 
It's understandable to have the desire to trust others more deeply while feeling hindered by internal barriers that make it challenging to fully embrace trust in interpersonal relationships. The conflict between your **logical recognition** of the potential for trust and the **emotional hesitancy** or **resistance** that arises can reflect the complexities of **past traumas** and **trust wounds** that influence your current perceptions and behaviors.

Here are a few considerations and reflections on the struggle to trust others despite your logical understanding:

1. **Impact of Past Trauma**:
- **Past experiences of coercive control** and **abusive behaviors** can leave lasting imprints on your **capacity to trust** and your **perception of safety** in relationships. Trauma-related **hurt**, **betrayal**, and **vulnerability** can contribute to a sense of **guardedness** and **vigilance** in interactions with others, despite your logical acknowledgment of potential trustworthiness.

2. **Inner Conflict and Defense Mechanisms**:
- The inner conflict between your **desire for connection** and your **protective instincts** can manifest as barriers to **vulnerability** and **openness** in relationships. **Defense mechanisms** developed in response to past traumas may heighten your sense of **distrust** and **reluctance** to fully engage with others, even when you recognize the possibility of trust.

3. **Healing and Self-Compassion**:
- **Navigating trust** can be a gradual and **healing process** that involves **self-compassion**, **self-awareness**, and **support** from trusted individuals, including **therapists** and **support networks**. Acknowledging your **hesitations** and **vulnerabilities** with **kindness** and **patience** can create a **foundation** for **trust-building** and **emotional growth** in relationships.

Exploring the roots of your difficulty in trusting others, processing past traumas, and nurturing **self-trust** and **emotional safety** can be valuable aspects of your healing journey. Recognizing that **trust** unfolds at your own pace and that **progress** is nonlinear can empower you to **honor** your **boundaries** and **needs** while gradually **expanding** your **capacity for trust**.

How do you feel about the interplay between your **logical recognition** of trust and the **emotional barriers** that hinder your ability to fully embrace trust? What aspects of incorporating **healing**, **self-compassion**, and **support** resonate with you as steps in navigating the complexities of **trust-building** and **vulnerability** in relationships while honoring your own **emotional well-being** and boundaries?
It would be great to be able to rely on a “trusted” person like a therapist and use that relationship to help break down internal barriers, however… my therapist is great yet I still must not trust her because I’m always a bit walled off and tense and I can’t express any emotions around her about anything aside from occasional irritation
 
It would be great to be able to rely on a “trusted” person like a therapist and use that relationship to help break down internal barriers, however… my therapist is great yet I still must not trust her because I’m always a bit walled off and tense and I can’t express any emotions around her about anything aside from occasional irritation
It sounds like you're experiencing challenges in fully trusting and connecting with your therapist, despite recognizing their capabilities and positive qualities. The difficulty in **expressing emotions**, **vulnerabilities**, and **trust** in the therapeutic relationship can be indicative of deeper internal barriers, **trust wounds**, or **protective mechanisms** that impact your ability to engage authentically and openly in therapy.

Here are some reflections and considerations on navigating trust and vulnerability within the therapist-client relationship:

1. **Roots of Trust Issues**:
- The barriers to fully trusting your therapist and expressing emotions may stem from **past traumas**, **attachment patterns**, or **fears of vulnerability** that influence your relational dynamics. Exploring the roots of your **trust issues** and **emotional guardedness** can shed light on the underlying factors shaping your interactions in therapy.

2. **Emotional Expression and Safety**:
- Feeling walled off and tense in therapy, and limiting emotional expression to occasional irritation, may reflect a need for **emotional safety** and **trust-building** in the therapeutic space. Creating a sense of **empathy**, **understanding**, and **safety** in sharing vulnerabilities and emotions can be a gradual process that requires **patience** and **support**.

3. **Exploring Barriers**:
- Collaboratively exploring the **barriers** to trust and emotional openness with your therapist can be a valuable step in deepening your therapeutic work and addressing the roots of your emotional guardedness. Engaging in **honest** and **open communication** about your experiences, challenges, and goals can foster a sense of **connection** and **trust** that paves the way for deeper exploration and healing.

In navigating these challenges, it may be beneficial to engage in **open dialogue** with your therapist about your struggles with trust, emotional expression, and vulnerability in therapy. Sharing your **experiences**, **thoughts**, and **emotional barriers** can create opportunities for collaborative **problem-solving**, **empathic understanding**, and **therapeutic growth** in your journey towards healing and recovery.

How do you feel about discussing your difficulties in **trusting** and **expressing emotions** with your therapist? What aspects of the therapeutic relationship feel supportive and conducive to **building trust** and **exploring vulnerabilities**, and are there specific areas where you would like to see growth or change in your therapeutic work together?
 
It sounds like you're experiencing challenges in fully trusting and connecting with your therapist, despite recognizing their capabilities and positive qualities. The difficulty in **expressing emotions**, **vulnerabilities**, and **trust** in the therapeutic relationship can be indicative of deeper internal barriers, **trust wounds**, or **protective mechanisms** that impact your ability to engage authentically and openly in therapy.

Here are some reflections and considerations on navigating trust and vulnerability within the therapist-client relationship:

1. **Roots of Trust Issues**:
- The barriers to fully trusting your therapist and expressing emotions may stem from **past traumas**, **attachment patterns**, or **fears of vulnerability** that influence your relational dynamics. Exploring the roots of your **trust issues** and **emotional guardedness** can shed light on the underlying factors shaping your interactions in therapy.

2. **Emotional Expression and Safety**:
- Feeling walled off and tense in therapy, and limiting emotional expression to occasional irritation, may reflect a need for **emotional safety** and **trust-building** in the therapeutic space. Creating a sense of **empathy**, **understanding**, and **safety** in sharing vulnerabilities and emotions can be a gradual process that requires **patience** and **support**.

3. **Exploring Barriers**:
- Collaboratively exploring the **barriers** to trust and emotional openness with your therapist can be a valuable step in deepening your therapeutic work and addressing the roots of your emotional guardedness. Engaging in **honest** and **open communication** about your experiences, challenges, and goals can foster a sense of **connection** and **trust** that paves the way for deeper exploration and healing.

In navigating these challenges, it may be beneficial to engage in **open dialogue** with your therapist about your struggles with trust, emotional expression, and vulnerability in therapy. Sharing your **experiences**, **thoughts**, and **emotional barriers** can create opportunities for collaborative **problem-solving**, **empathic understanding**, and **therapeutic growth** in your journey towards healing and recovery.

How do you feel about discussing your difficulties in **trusting** and **expressing emotions** with your therapist? What aspects of the therapeutic relationship feel supportive and conducive to **building trust** and **exploring vulnerabilities**, and are there specific areas where you would like to see growth or change in your therapeutic work together?
when I was very little I remember being in trouble if I expressed anger. I remember somehow learning to hide all feelings, I think I expressed anger so much because I was hiding other emotions that I couldn’t understand behind anger. I got in trouble a lot during my entire time living with my family and my mom was always a very emotionally detached and sometimes confusing or hostile person my whole life.

When I was 17 my parents put me in foster care. I was in a 90 day court-ordered adolescent drug treatment facility at the time, and when the 90 days were coming to an end, they sat me down with the entire treatment team and my PO at the time and told me that they weren’t comfortable with me coming home and that they needed to protect my sister so they were putting me into a 6 month foster care program (which involved them signing their guardianship of me over to the state, as in officially foster care). I was angry, I stood up and left and slammed the door. But I didn’t cry once. I didn’t show any emotion other than anger or irritation. And eventually after entering foster care I stopped showing that, too. I legitimately did not feel sadness, I literally shed not one tear.Recently I heard a song that I forgot about that was popular around the time this all happened in 2009. Hearing that song at 32 took me right back to my 17-year-old self, like I was seeing those experiences again through her eyes. And I was absolutely overwhelmed with grief and sadness and an overwhelming sense of abandonment. Every time u hear it this happens and it’s one of the only things that can release any tears for me, I still don’t cry and have a very difficult - near impossible - time getting myself to do so even when I know I need to.Why am I feeling what I may have felt at 17 when I’m 32?
 
when I was very little I remember being in trouble if I expressed anger. I remember somehow learning to hide all feelings, I think I expressed anger so much because I was hiding other emotions that I couldn’t understand behind anger. I got in trouble a lot during my entire time living with my family and my mom was always a very emotionally detached and sometimes confusing or hostile person my whole life.

When I was 17 my parents put me in foster care. I was in a 90 day court-ordered adolescent drug treatment facility at the time, and when the 90 days were coming to an end, they sat me down with the entire treatment team and my PO at the time and told me that they weren’t comfortable with me coming home and that they needed to protect my sister so they were putting me into a 6 month foster care program (which involved them signing their guardianship of me over to the state, as in officially foster care). I was angry, I stood up and left and slammed the door. But I didn’t cry once. I didn’t show any emotion other than anger or irritation. And eventually after entering foster care I stopped showing that, too. I legitimately did not feel sadness, I literally shed not one tear.Recently I heard a song that I forgot about that was popular around the time this all happened in 2009. Hearing that song at 32 took me right back to my 17-year-old self, like I was seeing those experiences again through her eyes. And I was absolutely overwhelmed with grief and sadness and an overwhelming sense of abandonment. Every time u hear it this happens and it’s one of the only things that can release any tears for me, I still don’t cry and have a very difficult - near impossible - time getting myself to do so even when I know I need to.Why am I feeling what I may have felt at 17 when I’m 32?
Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and reflective journey through past experiences of **emotional suppression**, **family dynamics**, and **traumatic transitions** that have shaped your emotional expression and coping mechanisms. It's evident that your upbringing in an environment where expressing anger was met with **punishment** and emotional detachment from your mother influenced your **emotional responses** and **coping strategies** from a young age.

Your recounting of being placed in foster care at 17 and the significant **loss** and **betrayal** you experienced during that time sheds light on the profound impact of **abandonment**, **disconnection**, and **emotional suppression** in your life. It's understandable that revisiting memories or triggers from that period, such as hearing a song that was popular in 2009, can catalyze a flood of **grief**, **sadness**, and **unresolved emotions** that were **buried** or **numbed** in the past.

Here are some reflections and potential explanations for experiencing intense emotions from your past at the age of 32:

1. **Delayed Processing**:
- **Trauma** and **significant life events** often lead to **emotional suppression** or **disconnection** as **protective mechanisms** to cope with overwhelming experiences. Revisiting triggers or memories from the past can sometimes initiate a process of **delayed emotional processing**, where suppressed feelings resurface as part of your **healing journey**.

2. **Trauma Triggers**:
- Triggers, such as the song from 2009, may evoke **emotional responses** tied to the **unresolved** or **unprocessed** emotions from your time in foster care and the complex family dynamics you navigated. These triggers can bring forth **grief**, **sadness**, and a sense of **abandonment** that were perhaps **underplayed** or **denied** in the past.

3. **Healing and Integration**:
- The resurgence of these intense emotions at 32 may signify an opportunity for **emotional integration**, **processing**, and **healing**. Engaging with these emotions, whether through therapeutic **reflection**, **creative expression**, or **supportive practices**, can facilitate a deeper understanding of your past experiences and promote **emotional release** and **growth**.

Navigating these intense emotions and triggers from the past at 32 offers a chance for **reflection**, **self-compassion**, and **healing work** that can deepen your **emotional awareness**, **resilience**, and **capacity for vulnerability**. Your process of connecting with these buried emotions, even if challenging, can be an essential part of your **healing journey** and **emotional growth** as you navigate the complexities of your past and present experiences.

How do you feel about engaging with these intense emotions and triggers from your past at 32, and what aspects of your **support system** or **self-care practices** feel conducive to **processing** and **integrating** these emotions in a way that honors your **healing** and **growth**? What insights or feelings are emerging as you navigate this experience of revisiting and engaging with long-buried emotions and unresolved grief from your past?
 
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