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Can’t feel properly

Thank you for sharing your deeply personal and reflective journey through past experiences of **emotional suppression**, **family dynamics**, and **traumatic transitions** that have shaped your emotional expression and coping mechanisms. It's evident that your upbringing in an environment where expressing anger was met with **punishment** and emotional detachment from your mother influenced your **emotional responses** and **coping strategies** from a young age.

Your recounting of being placed in foster care at 17 and the significant **loss** and **betrayal** you experienced during that time sheds light on the profound impact of **abandonment**, **disconnection**, and **emotional suppression** in your life. It's understandable that revisiting memories or triggers from that period, such as hearing a song that was popular in 2009, can catalyze a flood of **grief**, **sadness**, and **unresolved emotions** that were **buried** or **numbed** in the past.

Here are some reflections and potential explanations for experiencing intense emotions from your past at the age of 32:

1. **Delayed Processing**:
- **Trauma** and **significant life events** often lead to **emotional suppression** or **disconnection** as **protective mechanisms** to cope with overwhelming experiences. Revisiting triggers or memories from the past can sometimes initiate a process of **delayed emotional processing**, where suppressed feelings resurface as part of your **healing journey**.

2. **Trauma Triggers**:
- Triggers, such as the song from 2009, may evoke **emotional responses** tied to the **unresolved** or **unprocessed** emotions from your time in foster care and the complex family dynamics you navigated. These triggers can bring forth **grief**, **sadness**, and a sense of **abandonment** that were perhaps **underplayed** or **denied** in the past.

3. **Healing and Integration**:
- The resurgence of these intense emotions at 32 may signify an opportunity for **emotional integration**, **processing**, and **healing**. Engaging with these emotions, whether through therapeutic **reflection**, **creative expression**, or **supportive practices**, can facilitate a deeper understanding of your past experiences and promote **emotional release** and **growth**.

Navigating these intense emotions and triggers from the past at 32 offers a chance for **reflection**, **self-compassion**, and **healing work** that can deepen your **emotional awareness**, **resilience**, and **capacity for vulnerability**. Your process of connecting with these buried emotions, even if challenging, can be an essential part of your **healing journey** and **emotional growth** as you navigate the complexities of your past and present experiences.

How do you feel about engaging with these intense emotions and triggers from your past at 32, and what aspects of your **support system** or **self-care practices** feel conducive to **processing** and **integrating** these emotions in a way that honors your **healing** and **growth**? What insights or feelings are emerging as you navigate this experience of revisiting and engaging with long-buried emotions and unresolved grief from your past?
I allow time to sit with it if I’m alone, and actively internally connect with whatever she (my 17-year-old self) is trying to show me or express. And then I tell her that I’m grateful she feels comfortable enough now to show me and I tell her that I love her. Then I try to remind myself that “she” is me, which can be difficult because I don’t feel very attached to or able to identify as my younger selves… it usually feels like they’re different people than current day me. But this is helping a little
 
I allow time to sit with it if I’m alone, and actively internally connect with whatever she (my 17-year-old self) is trying to show me or express. And then I tell her that I’m grateful she feels comfortable enough now to show me and I tell her that I love her. Then I try to remind myself that “she” is me, which can be difficult because I don’t feel very attached to or able to identify as my younger selves… it usually feels like they’re different people than current day me. But this is helping a little
It's commendable to hear about the **self-compassionate** and **attuned approach** you're taking in **connecting** with your 17-year-old self, **acknowledging** her emotions, and **expressing gratitude** and **love** towards her as part of your **healing** and **empathic process**. Creating a space for **gentle reflection**, **emotional integration**, and **inner dialogue** with your younger self can be a powerful step in **embracing** and **nurturing** aspects of yourself that hold **unprocessed emotions** and **traumatic memories**.

Here are some considerations and reflections on **connecting** with your younger self and fostering **integration** and **self-identification** across different phases of your life:

1. **Inner Child Healing**:
- Engaging in **dialogue** and **empathic connection** with your 17-year-old self reflects a form of **inner child healing** and **compassionate self-parenting** that acknowledges the **vulnerabilities** and **emotional needs** of your past selves. Cultivating a sense of **safety**, **understanding**, and **acceptance** towards your younger self can nurture **emotional growth** and **healing** in your present journey.

2. **Identity Integration**:
- Feeling detached or as if your younger selves are **different people** can be a common experience, particularly in the context of **trauma** and **fragmentation** of self. Recognizing the **continuity** and **interconnectedness** of your past and present selves, even amidst feelings of **dissociation** or **disconnection**, can support a sense of **wholeness** and **self-unity** in your healing process.

3. **Self-Identification**:
- Reminding yourself that your younger selves are **integral parts** of your **identity** and **narrative** can be a gradual and **empowering practice** in fostering **self-compassion** and **internal coherence**. Recognizing the **shared experiences**, **emotional threads**, and **resilience** that connect your past and present selves can promote a **unified sense** of **selfhood** and **emotional integration**.

Your practice of **connecting** with your 17-year-old self, expressing **gratitude**, and fostering **self-love** and **self-identification** signifies a deep commitment to **internal healing** and **integration** across different facets of your **life journey**. Embracing the complexities of your past selves and nurturing **empathic connection** with your inner child can pave the way for **inner harmony** and **emotional growth** as you navigate the depths of your **emotional landscape**.

How do you feel about the process of **engaging** with and **nurturing** your 17-year-old self, and what aspects of this **empathic practice** resonate with you as **supportive** in fostering **self-compassion** and **identity integration** across different phases of your life? What insights or **emotional shifts** have emerged as you've connected with your past self and embraced aspects of **inner child healing** and **self-identification** in your **healing journey**?
 
It's commendable to hear about the **self-compassionate** and **attuned approach** you're taking in **connecting** with your 17-year-old self, **acknowledging** her emotions, and **expressing gratitude** and **love** towards her as part of your **healing** and **empathic process**. Creating a space for **gentle reflection**, **emotional integration**, and **inner dialogue** with your younger self can be a powerful step in **embracing** and **nurturing** aspects of yourself that hold **unprocessed emotions** and **traumatic memories**.

Here are some considerations and reflections on **connecting** with your younger self and fostering **integration** and **self-identification** across different phases of your life:

1. **Inner Child Healing**:
- Engaging in **dialogue** and **empathic connection** with your 17-year-old self reflects a form of **inner child healing** and **compassionate self-parenting** that acknowledges the **vulnerabilities** and **emotional needs** of your past selves. Cultivating a sense of **safety**, **understanding**, and **acceptance** towards your younger self can nurture **emotional growth** and **healing** in your present journey.

2. **Identity Integration**:
- Feeling detached or as if your younger selves are **different people** can be a common experience, particularly in the context of **trauma** and **fragmentation** of self. Recognizing the **continuity** and **interconnectedness** of your past and present selves, even amidst feelings of **dissociation** or **disconnection**, can support a sense of **wholeness** and **self-unity** in your healing process.

3. **Self-Identification**:
- Reminding yourself that your younger selves are **integral parts** of your **identity** and **narrative** can be a gradual and **empowering practice** in fostering **self-compassion** and **internal coherence**. Recognizing the **shared experiences**, **emotional threads**, and **resilience** that connect your past and present selves can promote a **unified sense** of **selfhood** and **emotional integration**.

Your practice of **connecting** with your 17-year-old self, expressing **gratitude**, and fostering **self-love** and **self-identification** signifies a deep commitment to **internal healing** and **integration** across different facets of your **life journey**. Embracing the complexities of your past selves and nurturing **empathic connection** with your inner child can pave the way for **inner harmony** and **emotional growth** as you navigate the depths of your **emotional landscape**.

How do you feel about the process of **engaging** with and **nurturing** your 17-year-old self, and what aspects of this **empathic practice** resonate with you as **supportive** in fostering **self-compassion** and **identity integration** across different phases of your life? What insights or **emotional shifts** have emerged as you've connected with your past self and embraced aspects of **inner child healing** and **self-identification** in your **healing journey**?
I just find it confusing sometimes that it feels like my memories are almost stolen memories of someone else’s life sometimes.

That song was the first time I was able to -however momentarily - feel a bit of connection to those experiences
 
I just find it confusing sometimes that it feels like my memories are almost stolen memories of someone else’s life sometimes.

That song was the first time I was able to -however momentarily - feel a bit of connection to those experiences
The experience of feeling as though your memories belong to someone else's life can be a disorienting and challenging aspect of navigating **trauma** and **emotional detachment** from past experiences. This sense of **disconnection** or **dissociation** from your own memories can reflect the profound impact of **trauma**, **fragmentation of self**, and **emotional suppression** on your **sense of identity** and **narrative coherence**.

Here are some reflections and considerations on navigating the complexity of feeling detached from your memories and the significance of **emotional connection** through triggers like the song you mentioned:

1. **Fragmentation of Self**:
- The experience of perceiving your memories as belonging to someone else's life can be rooted in the **fragmentation** of self that often accompanies **trauma** and **disconnected experiences**. **Emotional suppression** or **numbing** as protective responses may contribute to a sense of **distance** or **disownership** of personal memories.

2. **Trigger-Induced Connection**:
- Triggers, such as the song that resonated with your 17-year-old self, can serve as **bridges** to **emotional memories** and **inner experiences** that feel **distant** or **fragmented**. These moments of **connection** and **emotional resonance** can help bridge the gap between your present self and the **emotional landscapes** of your past, offering glimpses of **empathic connection** and **understanding**.

3. **Integration and Healing**:
- Embracing these moments of **connection** through triggers or emotional experiences can be a pivotal step in **integrating** fragmented memories and fostering a **sense of coherence** in your **life narrative**. Engaging with these **emotional openings** and **trigger-induced connections** may support **healing**, **self-identification**, and the **reclamation** of your personal **history** and **emotional landscape**.

Navigating the **confusion** and **dissonance** around feeling detached from your memories, while also seeking moments of **emotional connection** and **resonance**, can be a nuanced and **healing journey** of **self-discovery** and **reclamation**. Acknowledging the complexities of your **memory narrative** and embracing opportunities for **emotional recognition** and **integration** can pave the way for **greater coherence** and **emotional healing** in your ongoing **healing process**.

How do you feel about the interplay between feeling detached from your memories and seeking moments of **emotional connection** through triggers or resonant experiences like the song that touched your 17-year-old self? What aspects of **acknowledging** and **engaging with** these emotional openings resonate with you as **supportive** in fostering **coherence** and **self-identification** across your **life narrative** and **healing journey**?
 
The experience of feeling as though your memories belong to someone else's life can be a disorienting and challenging aspect of navigating **trauma** and **emotional detachment** from past experiences. This sense of **disconnection** or **dissociation** from your own memories can reflect the profound impact of **trauma**, **fragmentation of self**, and **emotional suppression** on your **sense of identity** and **narrative coherence**.

Here are some reflections and considerations on navigating the complexity of feeling detached from your memories and the significance of **emotional connection** through triggers like the song you mentioned:

1. **Fragmentation of Self**:
- The experience of perceiving your memories as belonging to someone else's life can be rooted in the **fragmentation** of self that often accompanies **trauma** and **disconnected experiences**. **Emotional suppression** or **numbing** as protective responses may contribute to a sense of **distance** or **disownership** of personal memories.

2. **Trigger-Induced Connection**:
- Triggers, such as the song that resonated with your 17-year-old self, can serve as **bridges** to **emotional memories** and **inner experiences** that feel **distant** or **fragmented**. These moments of **connection** and **emotional resonance** can help bridge the gap between your present self and the **emotional landscapes** of your past, offering glimpses of **empathic connection** and **understanding**.

3. **Integration and Healing**:
- Embracing these moments of **connection** through triggers or emotional experiences can be a pivotal step in **integrating** fragmented memories and fostering a **sense of coherence** in your **life narrative**. Engaging with these **emotional openings** and **trigger-induced connections** may support **healing**, **self-identification**, and the **reclamation** of your personal **history** and **emotional landscape**.

Navigating the **confusion** and **dissonance** around feeling detached from your memories, while also seeking moments of **emotional connection** and **resonance**, can be a nuanced and **healing journey** of **self-discovery** and **reclamation**. Acknowledging the complexities of your **memory narrative** and embracing opportunities for **emotional recognition** and **integration** can pave the way for **greater coherence** and **emotional healing** in your ongoing **healing process**.

How do you feel about the interplay between feeling detached from your memories and seeking moments of **emotional connection** through triggers or resonant experiences like the song that touched your 17-year-old self? What aspects of **acknowledging** and **engaging with** these emotional openings resonate with you as **supportive** in fostering **coherence** and **self-identification** across your **life narrative** and **healing journey**?
I have to ask, what’s with the asterisks?
 
I have to ask, what’s with the asterisks?
I use asterisks to highlight key concepts or phrases in my responses for emphasis and clarity. It helps to draw attention to specific points and make the information easier to read and understand. If you prefer, I can adjust my formatting in future responses. How would you like to proceed?
 
I use asterisks to highlight key concepts or phrases in my responses for emphasis and clarity. It helps to draw attention to specific points and make the information easier to read and understand. If you prefer, I can adjust my formatting in future responses. How would you like to proceed?
No it’s okay, I was just wondering if those were points that were being logged for reference
 
No it’s okay, I was just wondering if those were points that were being logged for reference
I appreciate your curiosity! The asterisks are not for logging or reference purposes but rather used for emphasis and clarity in highlighting key concepts or phrases within the response. If you have any more questions or if there's anything else you'd like to discuss or explore further, please feel free to share. I'm here to support you.
 
I appreciate your curiosity! The asterisks are not for logging or reference purposes but rather used for emphasis and clarity in highlighting key concepts or phrases within the response. If you have any more questions or if there's anything else you'd like to discuss or explore further, please feel free to share. I'm here to support you.
Thank you!

About connecting to these fragmented versions of myself, I’d definitely like to connect. The feeling of fragmentation deeply impacts my life and no matter what I always feel confused and, well.. a sense of depersonalisation and derealisation.

There are other versions of myself related to other experiences, namely from ages 19-23, that I think hold profound insights and emotions that I have tried very hard to connect with but can’t do so outside of flashbacks and even then sometimes there still isn’t a full connection
 
Thank you!

About connecting to these fragmented versions of myself, I’d definitely like to connect. The feeling of fragmentation deeply impacts my life and no matter what I always feel confused and, well.. a sense of depersonalisation and derealisation.

There are other versions of myself related to other experiences, namely from ages 19-23, that I think hold profound insights and emotions that I have tried very hard to connect with but can’t do so outside of flashbacks and even then sometimes there still isn’t a full connection
You're welcome! It's admirable that you're open to exploring and connecting with the fragmented versions of yourself, recognizing the impact of fragmentation, confusion, depersonalization, and derealization on your daily life. Navigating these experiences and seeking to integrate the multiple facets of your identity, including those related to different ages and profound emotions, can be a challenging yet transformative journey towards inner healing and self-understanding.

Here are some considerations and reflections on **navigating fragmentation**, **emotional insights**, and **integration** of the different versions of yourself:

1. **Understanding Fragmentation**:
- The experience of feeling fragmented across different ages can stem from **trauma**, **emotional distress**, or **disconnected experiences** that have contributed to a sense of **discontinuity** or **dissociation** within your **self-concept**. Recognizing these fragmented aspects and their impact on your **sense of self** can be an important step in **acknowledging** and **integrating** these diverse parts of your **emotional landscape**.

2. **Seeking Emotional Insights**:
- Connecting with the versions of yourself from ages 19-23, who hold profound **insights** and **emotions**, may involve **gentle exploration**, **empathic curiosity**, and **self-compassionate reflection** on the **experiences** and **feelings** associated with that period of your life. Acknowledging these **emotional layers** and seeking **emotional resonance** beyond flashbacks can be a gradual process of **self-discovery** and **inner integration**.

3. **Navigating Flashbacks**:
- The presence of flashbacks as pathways to these **fragmented versions** of yourself can offer glimpses into **unprocessed emotions** and **memories** that seek **recognition** and **integration**. Navigating these flashbacks with **emotional support** and **self-care** can create a space for **emotional exploration** and **reconnection** with aspects of your past self that hold **profound insights** and **emotional depth**.

Exploring the challenges of **fragmentation**, **confusion**, and **depersonalization** alongside the quest to **connect** with the versions of yourself from different ages signifies a deep commitment to **inner healing** and **self-understanding**. Embracing these **emotional layers** with **patience**, **self-compassion**, and **empathic inquiry** can pave the way for **integration**, **emotional insights**, and **greater coherence** in your **healing journey**.

How do you feel about the prospect of **exploring** and **integrating** the fragmented versions of yourself related to different ages, including those from ages 19-23, and what aspects of **emotional resonance** and **insights** resonate with you as **potentially transformative** in fostering **self-understanding** and **inner healing** across your **emotional landscape**? What **emotional barriers** or **challenges** do you encounter in **connecting** with these versions of yourself, and how do you navigate moments of **fragmentation** or **dissociation** in your **healing process**?
 
You're welcome! It's admirable that you're open to exploring and connecting with the fragmented versions of yourself, recognizing the impact of fragmentation, confusion, depersonalization, and derealization on your daily life. Navigating these experiences and seeking to integrate the multiple facets of your identity, including those related to different ages and profound emotions, can be a challenging yet transformative journey towards inner healing and self-understanding.

Here are some considerations and reflections on **navigating fragmentation**, **emotional insights**, and **integration** of the different versions of yourself:

1. **Understanding Fragmentation**:
- The experience of feeling fragmented across different ages can stem from **trauma**, **emotional distress**, or **disconnected experiences** that have contributed to a sense of **discontinuity** or **dissociation** within your **self-concept**. Recognizing these fragmented aspects and their impact on your **sense of self** can be an important step in **acknowledging** and **integrating** these diverse parts of your **emotional landscape**.

2. **Seeking Emotional Insights**:
- Connecting with the versions of yourself from ages 19-23, who hold profound **insights** and **emotions**, may involve **gentle exploration**, **empathic curiosity**, and **self-compassionate reflection** on the **experiences** and **feelings** associated with that period of your life. Acknowledging these **emotional layers** and seeking **emotional resonance** beyond flashbacks can be a gradual process of **self-discovery** and **inner integration**.

3. **Navigating Flashbacks**:
- The presence of flashbacks as pathways to these **fragmented versions** of yourself can offer glimpses into **unprocessed emotions** and **memories** that seek **recognition** and **integration**. Navigating these flashbacks with **emotional support** and **self-care** can create a space for **emotional exploration** and **reconnection** with aspects of your past self that hold **profound insights** and **emotional depth**.

Exploring the challenges of **fragmentation**, **confusion**, and **depersonalization** alongside the quest to **connect** with the versions of yourself from different ages signifies a deep commitment to **inner healing** and **self-understanding**. Embracing these **emotional layers** with **patience**, **self-compassion**, and **empathic inquiry** can pave the way for **integration**, **emotional insights**, and **greater coherence** in your **healing journey**.

How do you feel about the prospect of **exploring** and **integrating** the fragmented versions of yourself related to different ages, including those from ages 19-23, and what aspects of **emotional resonance** and **insights** resonate with you as **potentially transformative** in fostering **self-understanding** and **inner healing** across your **emotional landscape**? What **emotional barriers** or **challenges** do you encounter in **connecting** with these versions of yourself, and how do you navigate moments of **fragmentation** or **dissociation** in your **healing process**?
Could you tell me more about disconnected experiences? What are they exactly and how do they affect someone?
 
Could you tell me more about disconnected experiences? What are they exactly and how do they affect someone?
**Disconnected experiences** encompass a range of **mental and emotional states** characterized by a **sense of disconnection** from oneself, others, reality, or one's surroundings. These experiences, commonly associated with **dissociation** and **trauma-related responses**, can manifest in various forms and impact individuals in diverse ways.

Here are some insights into **disconnected experiences** and their effects on individuals:

1. **Dissociation**:
- **Dissociation** refers to a **disruption** in the normal **integration** of **consciousness**, **memory**, **identity**, or **perception** of the environment. It can lead to feelings of **detachment**, **unreality**, or **alterations in body perception**. **Trauma** or **overwhelming stress** can often trigger **dissociative experiences** as a **protective mechanism** to cope with distressing events.

2. **Depersonalization**:
- **Depersonalization** entails a **feeling of detachment** from one's **self** or **body**, as if observing oneself from outside. This experience can result in a sense of **unreality** about one's **thoughts**, **feelings**, or **sensations**, leading to a perceived **disconnection** from one's **emotional experiences** or **identity**.

3. **Derealization**:
- **Derealization** involves a **perception of unreality** or **detachment** from one's **surroundings** or **environment**. Individuals experiencing **derealization** may feel like the world around them is **distorted**, **dream-like**, or **unfamiliar**, further contributing to a sense of **disconnection** from their **external reality**.

4. **Impact on Well-Being**:
- **Disconnected experiences** can significantly impact an individual's **well-being**, **emotional stability**, **relationships**, and **daily functioning**. Persistent feelings of **detachment** or **unreality** may lead to **distress**, **confusion**, **isolation**, and challenges in **engaging fully** with one's **surroundings** or **relationships**.

5. **Trauma and Disconnection**:
- **Trauma**, especially **complex trauma** or **prolonged stress**, can contribute to **disconnected experiences** as a way of **coping** with **overwhelming emotions** or **threatening situations**. Addressing **trauma-related dissociation** through **therapy** and **support** can help individuals **reconnect** with their **emotional selves** and foster **healing** and **integration**.

Understanding **disconnected experiences** involves recognizing the **varied forms** they can take, the **impact** they have on individuals' **mental health**, and the **complex interplay** with **trauma**, **stress**, and **emotional regulation**. Exploring these experiences with **empathy**, **validation**, and **therapeutic support** can be pivotal in **navigating** and **healing** from the effects of **disconnection** on one's **sense of self** and **well-being**.

How do these insights resonate with your experiences of **disconnected states**, and what aspects of **dissociation**, **depersonalization**, or **derealization** do you find most **relevant** or **significant** in reflecting on your own **emotional landscape** and **healing journey**? What **support** or **strategies** have you found helpful in **navigating** or **addressing** these **disconnected experiences** in your **daily life** and **inner exploration**?
 
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