Can it really be PTSD ? psychiatrist now doubt about it

JoeSatriani

New Here
Hello, I had what I would call a normal childhood, although there was already some anxiety but nothing like now.

At the age of 12, we had a serious car accident in the family car, a car ran into us at 120 km/h, the shock was very brutal. My father was on the verge of death. This was probably the most serious event, but it was not the one that really traumatized me, at least I think.

When I was about 17, I was on my way to school when a car hit me on a pedestrian crossing, and I saw the world going in slow motion, but same thing, I don't think I was traumatized by this event.

A year later, a guy from my high school kept bothering me the whole way on a school trip. A few months later, I'm about to get off the bus, this guy pulls me by my school bag, the driver closes the doors and starts the bus, I feel an indescribable fear, I'm tetanized, then I force myself to get out. After the event I felt a monstrous anger with a feeling that I was at the same time disconnected, as with every shocking event it took a week to come down in my head.

A few months or more later, I started to have a fear of vomiting in class, in between I went out to have fun, it's possible I took some extasy, I don't know if my classmate was joking, he told me he put some in his drink, I drank a sip mixed with coca-cola.

One summer day, I woke up, I saw the face of the aggressor in the bus, it came back to me every minute, it lasted 2 years because in the meantime, a man to whom I explained what I was going through said to me but why don't you try to imagine him behind a virtual barrier that you close with a sentence that you never pronounce in everyday life, every time you see his face you pronounce the sentence while imagining him behind this barrier. After a week, I had already had good results. I still had social anxiety, hypervigilance but the face only came back very rarely, I just had to say the sentence for a few minutes to see it disappear. It worked for a year, one morning I was watching a tv show and suddenly everything came back in an even more violent version. I started to have anxiety, impulse phobias, social phobia, hypervigilance and seeing the face of the aggressor again.

It never really went away, I went to psychiatrists, tried all the antidepressants and EMDR therapy, nothing to do, this thing is eating my life. The psychiatrist who diagnosed me with post traumatic stress and did the emdr therapy told me that it is possible that during the bus attack my brain went into memory channels to search for a similar event and that it associated the noise of the bus with the noise of the cars in the car accident. He also questioned his diagnosis after the emdr therapy didn't worked

I feel like I have lost sensitivity, I don't feel emotions anymore or very little, I have regained hope by reading about MDMA therapy but I realize that I may have to wait a long time before I can benefit from it. I have lost 10 years of my life to this crap, is there any other solution than MDMA?

I have no nightmares which is weird for ptsd ?


thx
 

Teamwork

MyPTSD Pro
You are who you are, so you may not have nightmares. Most definitions of ptsd include many things but not everyone expresses it that Way. Try looking for some who knows about complex ptsd. A lot of people have done well with the book, The Body Keeps the Score. It is in my opinion time to look elsewhere both in books that are useful to your situation and help.
 

JoeSatriani

New Here
You are who you are, so you may not have nightmares. Most definitions of ptsd include many things but not everyone expresses it that Way. Try looking for some who knows about complex ptsd. A lot of people have done well with the book, The Body Keeps the Score. It is in my opinion time to look elsewhere both in books that are useful to your situation and help.
Yes I am currently reading that book, it seems good =)

It's really really hard to get a normal life with that trouble, ptsd affect every aspect of my life, no matter how hard i try, it's hell on earth...
is there any other therapy than emdr for ptsd ? thx
 

JoeSatriani

New Here
Hey, welcome to the forum!
And honestly, I don't think that's particularly rare, you just need to have some sort of intrusive symptoms, which you do appear to have, not everyone has nightmares.

I *rarely* have nightmares, like so rarely that I'm not even sure it's more than average population, so same really.

Yes that's extremely intrusive, some psychiatrists avoid ptsd diagnostic if there are no nightmares, at least i've seen some
 

siniang

MyPTSD Pro
I have no nightmares which is weird for ptsd ?

No it isn't. It's just the most stereotypical one and the one that's most commonly used in movies and such to portrait PTSD.

some psychiatrists avoid ptsd diagnostic if there are no nightmares, at least i've seen some

Then they're crappy psychiatrists and I'm sorry you've seen such - same with your's who bases his doubt solely on the fact that EMDR didn't work (seriously...like....wahh?!??!? There's plenty of people for whom EMDR doesn't work for ALL kinds of reasons of which "not having PTSD" isn't one -- sounds to me that psych shouldn't actually be doing EMDR to begin with as I don't think they actually know what they're doing).

Go read through the diagnostic criteria for PTSD (assuming you're in a country that uses the DSM-5; but even with the ICD-10 it's not specifically restricted to nightmares). You literally only need to have ONE of a list of many for instrusive symptoms, which includes nightmares, but again, is not restricted to those. Fun fact: those also may fluctuate. You don't even have to display any one of them almost every day to fit the criteria.


During my diagnostic process, when my T mentioned PTSD - despite me specifically seeing them for suspicion of PTSD - my first counter was "but I rarely have nightmares" to which she just replied "Don't need to".
 

Teamwork

MyPTSD Pro
Yes I am currently reading that book, it seems good =)

It's really really hard to get a normal life with that trouble, ptsd affect every aspect of my life, no matter how hard i try, it's hell on earth...
is there any other therapy than emdr for ptsd ? thx
It’s a process. Therapists who know those types of therapy tend to be able to help you along the path whether they use it or not. I would investigate with potential therapists what they can offer. Add some others too, as I know of people who also go to art therapy as an add on and find really good progress.
 
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